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[Andy takes a phone call after hiring Mrs. California]
[on the phone] Say hello grandma.
Andy: Hi gam gam.
Robert California: Hold one finger up to Susan you'll just be a second.
[pause] You numbskull! You were given a very specific task. I could not have been more clear with you! Now say are you taking your medicine.
Andy: Are you taking your med meds?
Robert California: Why can you not say exactly what I tell you? Undo this. Undo it.
[Andy hangs up the phone]
Susan California: You didn't say good-bye to your grandmother.
Andy: We promised we'd never say good-bye.
[Darryl is doing bench presses]
Dwight Schrute: You're nothing! You are so weak! You call yourself a man! Huh?
Darryl: This doesn't help me, I don't respond to that kind of strategy.
Dwight Schrute: Ok fine. Finish your set on your own and never come back to my gym again.
[starts struggling with the bar] Dwight come back and spot me.
Dwight Schrute: Alright. I'll help you. But first, you gotta tell me what your goal is. What do you want?
Darryl: To push this bar up.
Dwight Schrute: No! Because if that was the case the bar would be up by now. What is your goal?
Darryl: Help me!
Dwight Schrute: WHAT DO YOU WANT!
Darryl: To look good! For Val.
Dwight Schrute: Val Kilmer? I don't buy it! That doesn't make any sense!
[Darryl finishes lifting the bar]
Dwight Schrute: Wow. We figured out your goal. I am gonna make you the buffest dude Val Kilmer has ever seen.
Darryl: I've been meaning to join a gym, for my health. I used to say I wanted to live long enough to see a black president. I didn't realize how easy that would be. So now I wanna live long enough to see a really, really gay president. Or a super model president. I wanna see all the different kinds of presidents.
[walking into Dwight's first gym]
Dwight Schrute: Ready? What do you think? Huh?
Darryl: Uh. No. This is not a gym. This is like a scene out of Saw 5.
Dwight Schrute: This is my gym, my rules. You do exactly as I say, no questions asked.
Darryl: Yeah I might ask questions and I might not do what you say.
Dwight Schrute: First thing, we're gonna stretch the pelvic bowl. Ready? Get down on the floor.
Darryl: Ok I'm not doing that.
Dwight Schrute: Really? Too embarrassing for you? Huh? Do you wish every exercise was struttin' around the gym like the Fonz? Well how do you think the Fonz got so cool? He stretched his pelvic bowl.
Gabe: I didn't know Darryl joined.
Darryl: Looks that way.
[seeing Dwight] Nice pelvic bowl. Deep.
Andy Bernard: Alright the D.M. express is pulling out.
Susan: Alright. Well it's really nice to meet you Bryan.
[they shake hands]
Ryan Howard: Uhh it's actually Ryan.
Susan: Oh! Ryan!
Ryan Howard: Yeah...
[cuts to talking head] Bitch!
Susan: Um do you think it would be possible to move to that desk over there because this seems a bit cramped and I don't have a computer...
Erin: Oh well that's a sales desk.
Kevin: Yeah. You need to be over here with us accountants. Just sit here, and be quiet. And if you have a question, just raise your hand. But I'm gonna save you some time Sweetie, and give you the answer now: I. Don't. Know.
[Darry's using the gym equipment while texting]
Dwight Schrute: What do you think you're doing?
Darryl: Getting my sweat on.
Dwight Schrute: I build you this temple to the human body and you're lifting, what, five pounds?
Darryl: I just did like thirty-five minutes on the treadmill.
Dwight Schrute: I was watching you. You wanna know how long it really was?
Dwight Schrute: Eight minutes!
Darryl: Dude! I'm gonna be here all week right? Five days a week, I figure I start slow.
Dwight Schrute: Is that the philosophy you bring to buffalo wings? I want you to bring that same buffalo wing passion to this gym. I'm gonna make you look like LeBron James!
Darryl: It's LeJame Brames.
Dwight Schrute: That's what I said.
Darryl: Yeah. Get it right.
Dwight Schrute: I know.