Ryan Quotes From The Office

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Ryan: Hey guys! What's happening? How's my favorite branch doing!
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Jim Halpert: Hey man do you mind if I run something by you?
Ryan: Love it! Go.
Jim Halpert: Well, I kind of feel like what we had going for us was our customer service. And no matter how much we change this up, I don't know that a website's going to be able to replace that.
Ryan: I can tell you've thought about this a lot I appreciate that. David Wallace does too. You told him all about this at the Christmas party right?
Jim Halpert: [stammering]
Ryan: You did, yeah.
Jim Halpert: Hmm.
Ryan: Watch your back, Jim. [pause] Just kidding.
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Dwight Schrute: I didn't know that you were at a party on Saturday night.
Ryan: I go to... a lot of parties.
Dwight Schrute: Ok, I'm going to need to search your car. Give me your keys.
Ryan: I am not giving you my keys.
Dwight Schrute: Don't make me do this the hard way.
Ryan: What's the hard way?
Dwight Schrute: I go down to the police station on my lunch break. I tell a police officer - I know several - what I suspect you may have in your car. He requests a hearing from a judge and obtains a search warrant. Once he has said warrant, he will drive over here and make you give him the keys to your car, and you will have to obey him.
Ryan: Yeah, let's do it that way.
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Michael Scott: This is our warehouse, or as I like to call it, the 'whore house.' But don't you call it that. I've earned the right.
Ryan Howard: Fine, don't worry about that.
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[Michael is making farting noises]
Toby: Come on Michael. You're interrupting.
Michael Scott: You're kidding me! God! You say radon is silent but deadly and then you expect me not to make farting noises with my mouth? What is this! You know what we're not going to die of radon we're going to die of boredom.
[office laughs]
Michael Scott: Right? And if I had a gun, with two bullets, and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.
[disapproval from everyone]
Dwight Shrute: You were being really funny, and then you went too far.
Michael Scott: I would kill Bin Laden and then Toby.
Dwight Shrute: No, it's still...
Michael Scott: OK geniuses how would you do it?
Creed: Curve the bullet, like in my favorite James McAvoy film, um, Wanted.
Oscar: All that does is help you shoot around things. When there's Bin Laden--
Ryan: Is there a curtain rod in the room.
Michael Scott: I donno.
Stanley: How 'bout make believe land has anyyything you want.
Jim Halpert: Stanley please. This is serious.
Angela: Is this the thing where they use an icicle so there's no evidence.
Michael Scott: Yes, we should stab Toby through the heart with an icicle.
Dwight Shrute: Come on, the whole two bullet thing is a red herring. Here's how you do it, you line them all up, you take one bullet shoot them all through the throat at the same time. [stands up] Watch this, Phyllis, you're Hitler, come up here. Toby, you're Toby. Andy, you're Bin Laden. Line up. Throats together.
Toby: I don't wanna do this.
Michael Scott: Toby just do it! God!
Dwight Shrute: [holding his fingers like a gun to Phyllis' throat] Ready? One bullet, and, boom! [shows bullet travelling through Toby and Andy's necks]
Michael Scott: [the office applauds] It works!
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Ryan: People keep calling me a 'wunderkind.' I don't even know what that means. But, I mean I know what it means. It means, very successful for your age. So I guess that makes sense. But, weird word.
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Kelly: If I had created a website with this many problems I'd kill myself.
Ryan: Do you have a question Kelly?
Kelly: Yeah, I have a lot of questions but number one, how dare you.
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Stanley: [Screaming at Ryan] That little girl is a child! I don't want see you sniffing around her anymore this afternoon, do you understand? Boy, have you lost your mind, cause I'll help you find it, whatcha looking for, ain't nobody gonna help you out there, Jesus could come through that door, he's not going to help you, if you don't stop sniffing after my child!
[cut to Ryan]
Ryan: Stanley yelled at me today. That was one of the most freighting experiences of my life.
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Ryan: I don't wanna be married until everyone can be married.
Oscar: You know what Ryan? I talked to the other gay guys, and we're okay with it. We all agreed it's fine for you to get married.
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Ryan: Breakfast. I got you a sausage, egg and cheese biscuit.
Michael Scott: Oh yummy yummy. Thank you Ryan.
Ryan: What was the thing you needed me to come in early for?
Michael Scott: Uh... the sausage, egg and cheese biscuit.
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