Warning: session_start(): open(/home/office/public_html/tmp/sess_620240d759c763ef0b341227ee16520c, O_RDWR) failed: Permission denied (13) in /home/office/public_html/index.php on line 9
The Office Quotes (NBC) | Season 5 - Business Ethics

The Office Season 5 Quotes - Business Ethics

  • Quotes
  • Conference Room (20 Comments)
  • Download Episode (iTunes Link)
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
40
likes
Jim Halpert: By any chance did you see Battlestar Gallactica?
Andy: No I did not. Was that any good?
Jim Halpert: Actually not. It was really so-so. [holds up stopwatch to Dwight] I mean I like all the crazy monsters and stuff, you know like Klingons and Wookies and all that but-- Sorry was, there something you wanted to add Dwight?
Andy: Is that anything like the original Battlestar Galactica.
Jim Halpert: You what's weird? It's practically a shot for shot remake.
Andy: Really? Huh. Cool.
Jim Halpert: The story's kind of bland. It's about this guy named Dumbledore Calamazin and he has to return the ring back to Mordor.
Andy: [pause] That doesn't sound right...
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
38
likes
Jim Halpert: He has not stopped working... for a second. At 12:45, he sneezed, while keeping his eyes open, which I always thought was impossible. At 1:32 he peed. And I know that because he did that in an open soda bottle, under the desk, while filling out expense reports. And on the flip side, I've been so busy watching him that I haven't even started work. It's exhausting, being this vigilant. I'll probably have to go home early today.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
25
likes
Jim Halpert: Everybody, just wanted to make an announcment. Pam and I are engaged.
Pam Beesly: [over phone] Hi everyone!
Oscar: I thought you were already engaged.
Jim Halpert: Nope.
Angela: That was Roy. She was engaged to Roy.
Jim Halpert: Thank you, Angela.
Kevin: I got a gift for Pam and Roy, do I have to get another one?
Jim Halpert: Yes.
Andy: Little close to my engagement there, Tuna. What's your game here?
Jim Halpert: To get married.
Dwight Schrute: She's not a virgin you know.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
22
likes
Andy: [during the meeting] I'll drop an ethics bomb on you. Would you steal bread to feed your family. [oscar waits] Boom!
Oscar: Exactly, Andy.
Andy: Yeah. I took Intro to Philosophy, twice! No big deal.
Dwight Schrute: It's a trick question. The bread is poisoned. Also, it's not your real family. You've been cuckolded by a stronger, smarter male.
Andy: No that's... not how it works.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
19
likes
Michael Scott: When I discovered YouTube, I didn't work for five days. I did nothing. I watched Cookie Monster sing Chocolate Rain about a thousand times.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
17
likes
Holly: Can anyone think of things that are over-the-line time wasters?
Stanley: This meeting.
Andy: Heyo! [muddled laughter]
Michael Scott: [to Holly, matter-of-factly] Can't set 'em up like that.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
13
likes
Michael Scott: How do you tell someone, that you care about, deeply, I told you so. Gently? With a rose? In a funny way? Like it's a hilarious joke? Or do you just let it go. Because saying it would just make it worse. [...] Probably the funny way.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
13
likes
Oscar: Once, once one in a while, I, I'll take a long lunch break.
Michael Scott: A siesta!
Dwight Schrute: Time thief! Time thief! Fire him!
Jim Halpert: Dwight, you've really never stolen any company time?
Dwight Schrute: Never!
Michael Scott: You are a thief of joy.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
11
likes
Ryan: Ok. Elephant in the room! Let's talk about it. Do I regret what I did? Of course I do. Even though it was an amazing ride and I'll give you an example. Anyone see Survivor, Season 6? [Dwight raises his hand] Anyone know Joanna on that show? In New York city, I hooked up with a girl that looked exactly like that. Indistinguishable. So.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
11
likes
Michael Scott: [walks in and Jim announced him and Pam are engaged] What's going on?
Pam Beesly: [over the speakerphone] No, nothing. Nothing, Michael. Just saying hi.
Creed: The tall guy got engaged.
Michael Scott: [to Jim] To be married?!
Jm Halpert: Yep.
[Michael hurls himself at Jim with enough force to knock Jim onto the ground with a thud]
Pam Beesly: Sorry.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
10
likes
Jim Halpert: 19 minutes and 48 seconds. What were we doing for 19 minutes and 48 seconds--
Dwight Schrute: None of your business.
Jim Halpert: So I can we can assume that was... personal?
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
7
likes
Meredith: Maybe it's a girl thing... But after we did it, and he gave me those coupons, I just felt good about myself.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
7
likes
Holly: It's been a little tense. People are suspicious of me, and my best friend in the office won't even talk to me. Turns out being the morality police does not make you popular. I should know because in middle school I was the hall monitor and the kids used to stuff egg salad in my locker. I was just hoping middle school was over.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
5
likes
Michael Scott: Anyway, I was giving it some thought, and there's no reason that two, attractive, good-looking, intelligent, attractive people, can't, you know, just sit down and work this whole Meredith thing out.
Holly: Sounds good.
Michael Scott: Good. [pause] Would you care to bang it out over lunch?
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
4
likes
Michael Scott: Why are you helping her? You're not even dating her. She's my friend, and ultimately, my strategy is to merge this into a relationship without her even knowing.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
4
likes
Holly: Let's start discussing those questionaires that you filled in this morning. 'It is wrong to make personal calls during work hours.' Now some of you marked that you Very Strongly Agree. Ideally you would've selected Totally Agree.
Phyllis: I thought Very Strongly Agree sounded stronger than Totally Agree.
Holly: Corporate would like to emphasize that, ideally, you would all totally agree with that statement.
Michael Scott: Well, I think that we can all totally agree that Holly is fantastic.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
4
likes
Meredith: I'll go. Have you guys ever met Bruce Myers? The Scranton rep for Hammermill?
Michael Scott: BRRRRUUUCCCEEEE.
Meredith: Well for the past six years I have been sleeping with him in exchange for discounts on our supplies and Outback Steakhouse gift certificates.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
4
likes
Michael Scott: I just don't want my employees thinking that their jobs depend performance. I mean, what sort of place is that to call home? And Meredith needs this job, it's her only source of money.
Holly: Well that's very sweet, but we have to follow the protocol. Those are the rules.
Michael Scott: OK new idea, we don't report her at all. We just punish her.
Holly: We punish her?
Michael Scott: Tell her, can't have sex for 6 months.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
4
likes
Holly: Excuse me. May I have everyone's attention please. We need to finish the ethics seminar.
Andy: No way lady.
Kevin: It's a trap.
Holly: Everyone please, I just need your signatures to show corporate I gave you the training.
Meredith: Don't sign anything.
Michael Scott: Ok everyone listen up, if you're not in that conference room in 2 minutes I am going to kill you.
Stanley: It's a quarter to 5 and I've already started to gather my things.
Michael Scott: Get in there right now or I am going to loose it!
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
3
likes
Michael Scott: I will be honest with you, that car ride did not go well. And that was not my fault. The only reason I am standing out here right now is because I don't want to take the elevator with her. And I'm holding onto her leftovers. [throws leftovers in trash]
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
2
likes
Michael Scott: [whispering seriously to Holly] People, expect a lot from these meetings. Laughter, sudden twists, surprise endings. You need to meet Robin Williams and M. Night Shamalhin. You need to be Robin Shamahin.
Holly: I just have to get through the binder.
Michael Scott: You're- just- you're kinda losing them.
Holly: I am?
Michael Scott: Yeah. Don't, think about the stakes. They'll freak you out.
20 Comments in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons

Warning: Unknown: open(/home/office/public_html/tmp/sess_620240d759c763ef0b341227ee16520c, O_RDWR) failed: Permission denied (13) in Unknown on line 0

Warning: Unknown: Failed to write session data (files). Please verify that the current setting of session.save_path is correct (/home/office/public_html/tmp) in Unknown on line 0