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The Office Quotes (NBC) | Season 6 - The Promotion

The Office Season 6 Quotes - The Promotion

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  • Conference Room (1 Comment)
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16
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Jim Halpert: Yesterday, we had a meeting about planets.
Michael Scott: Mmm--well to be fair, Jim... James. Jimothy? [Jim nods] To be fair, Jimothy-- ah that sounds weird. Are you ok with being called Jim?
Jim Halpert: I am.
Michael Scott: Alright. Jim, to be fair, the conversation wasn't about planets. At first we were talking about introducing a line of toilet paper. And what part of the human body does one use toilet paper upon? So you draw a line from there to the other planets... and I think by the end we learned a little bit about how small we are.
Jim Halpert: Yes, I agree, and--
Michael Scott: Because it's a big universe and we're all just little tiny specks, of dust.
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14
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Oscar: Look it doesn't take a genius to know that every organization thrives when it has two leaders. [shakes head] Go ahead, name a country that doesn't have two presidents. A boat that sets sail without two captains. Where would Catholicism be, without the popes.
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14
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Michael Scott: You know what would help is a pros and cons list for our options. Jim don't take this the wrong way. Are you going to take this the wrong way?
Jim Halpert: It's hard to tell so far.
Michael Scott: You use your brain too much.
Jim Halpert: I'm sorry are you advocating that I use it less?
Michael Scott: Sometimes the smartest people don't think at all.
Jim Halpert: You just came up with that.
Michael Scott: As I was saying it.
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11
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[Jim enters Michael's office where Oscar, Stanley, Kelly and Creed are sitting across from Michael]
Jim Halpert: Ok I thought I saw people missing.
Michael Scott: Yeah. Just focus grouping a product expansion idea to these folks. Got one of each.
Jim Halpert: Really. Hey Stanley, what was the last thing Michael said before I came through the door.
Michael Scott: Stanley you don't need to answer that.
Jim Halpert: Stanley?
Stanley: "If you don't smell this you're fired."
Jim Halpert: Ok. Michael, I thought we agreed to not take up people's time with meetings like these.
Michael Scott: What do you mean by "these people"?
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10
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[talking head interview]
Dwight Schrute: I deserved that promotion, not Jim. It makes me want to put him in a triangle chokehold, and force him down to the ground and just keep pressing and pressing [getting progressively louder] and then flip him over and put him in a hammerlock! And he's gasping! He's panicking. Every last breath! And the crowd is going crazy. And boom! I emerge victorious! [stands up] Ah-ha! Eighteen thousand dollars and a chance at the title! Whewhaa!
[Erin opens the conference room door]
Erin: Jim wants you to keep it down.
Dwight Schrute: [angrily stares into the camera]
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10
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Creed: Hey why haven't we ever uh...
Meredith: We have.
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9
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Michael Scott: [in awkward "nerd voice"] Con, you unzip your pants and you find that there's a calculator down there.
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8
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Dwight Schrute: People are starting to notice how terrible Jim is. It's great. Eventually they'll rise up and revolt. My only hope is they do it sooner rather than later. If people here were our founding fathers the Revolutionary War would've been delayed ten years. Because Stanley Washington was napping. And Phyllis Hancock was still signing the Declaration. And Kevin Jefferson was distracted by a butterfly.
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7
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Kelly: I love rivalries. Michael or Jim. Paris or Nicole. Heidi or LC. It's so much fun. But, I guess if I'm really thinking about it and answering your question honestly, I'd have to go with LC. Heidi's a bad friend. And her skin, is terrible.
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6
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Jim Halpert: I've been studying Michael for years and I've condensed what I've learned into this chart. [holds up pie chart] "How Michael Spends His Time." You can see we have "procrastinating," and "distracting others," and this tiny sliver here, is "critical thinking." I made it bigger. So that you could see it.
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6
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Kevin: What does a bean mean?
Pam Beesly: Why aren't there any beans on this very old, frizzy-haired picture of me?
Kevin: Michael, what does a bean mean.
Pam Beesly: Jim?
Jim Halpert: I was just trying to be unbiased.
Kevin: WHAT DOES A BEAN MEAN.
Oscar: Would someone please explain to Kevin?
Meredith: Why can't you? My time is just as valuable as yours.
Phyllis: Not according to the beans.
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5
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Michael Scott: You know what eats a large amount of the day are naps. You go to sleep it's light out, you wake up it's dark. That's the whole day. Where did that day go? I have no idea.
Jim Halpert: You mean on a weekend.
[awkward pause]
Michael Scott: Yes.
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5
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Michael Scott: You know there's no easy way to do this. I say we add 1.5% to their paycheques and don't say anything about it.
Jim Halpert: Do you mean like, break-in in the middle of the night and change the numbers on payroll?
Michael Scott: No we can do it during the day. It doesn't have to be that dramatic, Jim.
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5
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Kevin: What does a bean mean!!
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5
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Dwight Schrute: Are we idiots? What right, does Jim have to claim authority? Is he as good a salesman as I? Is he as matronly as Phyllis? There are moments where we can affect change. For a few seconds every decade... We exist. These are those seconds! Let us storm his castle. Come on! (Tick.) Let's get him. (Tock.) Let's get Jim! (Tick.) And drag Jim out of his office. (Tock.) Take his keys away from him! (Tick!) That's a clock! The time is getting very close. It's now or never. [screams] What say you!
Phyllis: I say no.
Dwight Schrute: No I mean, what do you say to my plan.
[mass indifference amongst the office]
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5
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Ryan: Heard you guys were looking for cash, for the wedding?
Pam Beesly: Yeah, I mean, if it's all the same for you.
Ryan: Question for you. Would you guys rather have a hundred dollars now, or five thousand dollars a year from now.
Pam Beesly: A hundred dollars now, for sure.
Ryan: Because you just give me fifty dollars to cover the broker fee. I put in a hundred of my own money, as the gift--
Pam Beesly: Yeah, no. I'll uh--the hundred. I'll just take the hundred.
Ryan: Instead of five thousand dollars a year from now?
Pam Beesly: How sure is this?
[cut to talking head]
Pam Beesly: The guy has an algorithm to determine the winner of any given college basketball game. [thinks for a moment] Don't tell Jim.
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4
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Michael Scott: [laughing, taking over from Jim] That was good. Ok, alright. Well, we all know it's hard to be a boss, right? You know what? Look around you. These are your best friends. These are the people! Who will open their hearts, to you. They, all, have heart-ons for you. [Angela gives a sigh of disgust off camera] And that is a gift. So in terms of gifts, we should be giving each other gifts. Angela, yes, lend Oscar a cup of sugar.
Angela: What are you talking about! Michael!
Stanley: We just need to hear your plan for our raise.
Michael Scott: My plan... A man. Panama.
Andy: That's not how that goes.
Meredith: You're not saying anything. At least Jim was being direct--
Jim Halpert: Thank you, Meredith.
Meredith: When he was telling us his dumb-ass plan.
Oscar: We would just like to know what's happening. Are we getting a raise. Yes, or no.
Michael Scott: Alright let me get this clear. Does everybody want a raise?
Everyone: Yes!
Michael Scott: Alright everyone wants a raise so what we're going to do is go into here, and we will not come out until we do.
Oscar: Again that gives us no information.
Phyllis: [as Jim and Michael enter the conference room] This isn't a game you know it's our livelihoooood!
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4
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Kevin: [writing a cheque to Pam as a wedding gift] In the memo line, I'm going to write "to love's eternal glory."
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3
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Ryan Howard: You know it's a myth women have to gain more than nine pounds in a pregnancy. Look at these actresses, some of them lose weight.
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3
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Meredith: My kid needs shoes! You wanna tell him he doesn't get shoes!?
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2
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Phyllis: Perfect, I hate registries.
Pam Beesly: Oh good!
Phyllis: My cousin makes the most amazing romantic birdhouse mailboxes. I know I shouldn't tell you--but you'll still be surprised when you see it. You're not registered for a birdhouse are you?
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1
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Michael Scott: If I can just, think this through. If I can just think it exactly right, I can make this perfect. And then I can go down every avenue and every avenue off of that avenue. And then another avenue--
Jim Halpert: Michael!
Michael Scott: And then another...
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Pam Beasley: [after asking all her co-workers for cash and getting a check from Kevin] Is this what I've become? Materialistic? Shallow? I feel horrible. [looks down at the check] Oh look! "Mrs. Pam Halpert!" That's the first time I've seen it in writing!
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1
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Jim Halpert: Each Boston baked bean represents half a percent raise. We each got 24 beans, so the idea is you place the bean on the picture [walking around the table] of who you think deserv...Who's that? [Pointing to a hand drawn picture that looks like a monster]
Michael Scott: Toby.
Jim Halpert: He's not a part of this you know that.
Michael Scott: Just wanted to draw a picture of him.
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0
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Pam Beasley: [talking head] It's awkward asking people for money, but we could really use it. Why doesn't Crate & Barrel let you register for a toaster full of cash?
1 Comment in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons

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