The Office Season 5 Quotes - Casual Friday
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| Creed: | So hey. I wanna, set you up with my daughter. |
| Jim Halpert: | Oh I'm engaged to Pam. |
| Creed: | I thought you were gay. |
| Jim Halpert: | Then why would you want to set me up with your daughter. |
| Creed: | I don't know. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Trust me, you are going to want to heeeeeat, my words. |
| [cut to talking head] | |
| Dwight Schrute: | When held over heat, the invisible ink will reveal that everyone should meet at the warehouse immediately. Do not ask me where I got the invisible ink. [proudly] Urine. It was urine. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | We need to DO something. I'm thinking maybe a coup or we take Ryan hostage. |
| Phyllis: | Those sound too harsh. |
| Dwight Schrute: | No I'm not saying we DO those things I'm saying something LIKE those things. |
| Jim Halpert: | Of course, what is "like" a hostage. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Excellent question. |
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| Phyllis: | I sure wish I had more time to talk to my clients though. |
| Pam Beesly: | What? |
| Phyllis: | Isn't that what you said to a bunch of my clients when you were stealing them? That I didn't have enough time for 'em? |
| Pam Beesly: | Oh, I um... |
| Phyllis: | Close your mouth sweetie you look like a trout. |
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| Andy: | We could write a strongly worded letter. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Words will never be enough. |
| Jim Halpert: | Strongly painted picture. |
| Dwight Schrute: | No pictures are too interpretive. |
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| Toby: | Well I was in the seminary for a year, annnd dropped out because I wanted to have sex with this girl, Cathy. Followed her back to Scranton. Took the first job I could find in HR. Later she divorced me. So, no, I wouldn't say I have a passion for HR. |
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| Michael Scott: | I have a very difficult decision to make. It's like last week I was at the video store. Do I rent Devil Wares Prada, again, or do I finally get around to seeing Sophie's Choice? It is what you would call a classic difficult decision. |
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| Erin: | Do I still have a job here? |
| Michael Scott: | Not important. |
| [eruption of disagreement from the office] | |
| Michael Scott: | Ok. Alllright. Yes. Yes, you have a job. Frankly you have a job because Ryan and Pam, are starting with us as salesmen. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Wait. What! |
| Stanley: | How is that going to work? |
| Michael Scott: | It is going to work very smoothly because Pam and Ryan are bringing over a ton of clients, from Michael Scott Paper Company and you're n-- |
| Phyllis: | You mean the clients you stole from us. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Aren't we getting those clients back? |
| Michael Scott: | No you lost-- those clients. |
| Andy: | I call foul sir! |
| Dwight Schrute: | You were bought out, so the company then bought out all of the stolen clients. |
| Michael Scott: | Dwight, let me explain something to you. I set the rules and you follow them. Blindly. Ok? And if you have a problem, [picks up a trash container] with that, then you can talk to our complaint department. It's a trash can! |
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| Andy: | Oh it is on like a prawn who yawns at dawn. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Stop, doing rhyming poetry just tell them please [to himself] God the simplest thing. |
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| Jim Halpert: | This is awkward to talk about but there may or may not be but definitely is a mutiny forming in the warehouse right now. |
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| Michael Scott: | Hey gang, where ya been? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Lunch. |
| Michael Scott: | Where'd you eat? |
| Phyllis: | A restaurant. |
| Stanley: | What'd you have Stanley? |
| Andy: | I had a salmon salad. With water, no ice, I was gonna get a soda but the waitress talked me out of it. Her name was Flow. She had black hair. |
| Stanley: | I had Mexican food. |
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| [Ryan and Pam clear their throats] | |
| Michael Scott: | [from behind a large paper question mark] Someone is returning! He started his own company and now he's back who could it be! I'll give you a hint. He is a man! A man you have missed with all your heart! A man, who has ruined all other men for you! Who. Is. It. |
| Ryan: | [whispers] Who is it. |
| Pam Beesly: | [whispering too] Who is it. |
| Michael Scott: | [after struggling to break through the paper] It's Michael Scott! |
| [the office claps and Creed takes a camera phone photo] | |
| Michael Scott: | Ok, conference room five minutes. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | [in the warehouse] What are you doing here!? |
| Meredith: | I donno. I saw a crowd. Thought there might be a dog fight or someth-- |
| Dwight Schrute: | Get out! |
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| [eating Dwight's lunch] | |
| Michael Scott: | I'm gonna have some of this meat sandwich. |
| Dwight Schrute: | It's pony. |
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| [playing chess] | |
| Creed: | No. If you do that I'm gonna do that, if you do that I'm gonna do that, if you do this I'm gonna do that. |
| Jim Halpert: | Well what if I just... [starts moving a piece] |
| Creed: | You don't wanna do that. |
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| Andy: | You don't understand clothing, Toby! You're dressed like this amorphous blog of khaki. |
| Toby: | Alright look what you've got to understand is when you come to work, you give up certain rights. |
| Dwight Schrute: | [standing up] Listen up Flenderson, you're being weak and ineffectual. I'm cowboying this meeting, ok! Here are the new rules, ok? Earth tones only. Also, women are forbidden to wear pants. |
| Toby: | Alright come on, sit down Dwight. |
| Dwight Schrute: | No. |
| Toby: | I'm running this meeting. |
| Dwight Schrute: | That's debatable. |
| Toby: | It's not. It's not. Sit down or I'm writing you up. |
| Meredith: | Ooh. Where's this guy been? |
| Toby: | Casual Fridays are canceled. |
| [everyone at the meeting erupts in argument and surrounds Toby] | |
| Toby: | [yelling over everyone] There's not a single appropriate outfit in this whole office except mine quite honestly! |
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| Angela: | [irate] The man is wearing sandals. I don't need to see Oscar's toes at work! Gross! I mean it looks like he just got off the boat! |
| Toby: | Can't you just not look at his feet? |
| Angela: | Excuse me? Oh. You're so educated aren't you Toby? [screaming] So trained to deal with a hysterical woman I don't want to look at his feet! [walking out] Do your job! |
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| Creed: | It's crazy what's going on out there, huh? |
| Jim Halpert: | I know. Yeah. It's... kinda... |
| Creed: | Sometimes it's best just to stay out of it. |
| Jim Halpert: | That's true. That's right, yeah. |
| Creed: | Wanna play a game? |
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| Jim Halpert: | I'm just hiding out until all this stuff, blows over. With Creed. Playing chess. At work. He's winning! [catches himself] I feel like I'm describing a dream I had. |
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| Erin: | I really love your outfit. |
| Kelly: | Thank you so much for saying that. I can't believe that Toby thinks this is inappropriate. |
| Erin: | You look like J-Lo. |
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| Michael Scott: | I don't think you are being totally impartial though. Because you haven't said one bad thing about Pam. |
| Jim Halpert: | And I won't. |
| Michael Scott: | Ok. So be it, you've lost credibility, and I'm gonna go with my gut and that's Ryan. |
| Jim Halpert: | You're right. Sometimes when she is tired she can be a little bit shrill but that's not a weird voice. |
| Michael Scott: | Wowwww! |
| Jim Halpert: | Take it easy. |
| Michael Scott: | Ohhh man! Wow. "Honey! I want you to bring the garbage out. 'Cause I'm not gonna have sex with you unless you bring out the garbage--" [looks up to see that Jim has left] |
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| Michael Scott: | When I needed salespeople for my new paper company, everyone here turned their back on me. Am I going to ask them to beg for forgiveness, no. Am I going to ask for a big, crying, apology? No. Am I going to ask them to slit their wrists for me? [smiling] No! I just want a tiny microscopic version of that. |
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| Ryan Howard: | What you gotta do, is you gotta go down to that warehouse and you gotta crack some skulls. Chiklis style. |
| Michael Scott: | Yeah. The Commish. |
| Ryan Howard: | Yes but, Chiklis, Shield style. Not Commish style. |
| Michael Scott: | Yeah yeah. The Shield. |
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| Michael Scott: | No matter how I look at this I am in the wrong. And I have looked at this thing like a hundred different ways. From my point of view, from their point of view... 98 others. And bottom line, I am in the wrong. I'm the bad guy. |
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| Michael Scott: | I need you, to arrange a meeting between me and the sales staff without Ryan and Pam knowing. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Gasp. Are you talking about a secret meeting? |
| Michael Scott: | Whatever you guys did earlier. |
| Dwight Schrute: | I don't know the first thing about secret meetings. |
| Michael Scott: | Just do it. Ok? Get 'em there. Get 'em there-- |
| Dwight Schrute: | I'll do the best I can, Michael. |
| Michael Scott: | Are you kidding me? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Deceit does not come easy to me. |
| Michael Scott: | Ok ok ok ok! |
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| Michael Scott: | What I wanna do, right now, is try something a little different. I'm gonna throw it out there, starting with this meeting. I want you guys to run it. I want you to say whatever you want, take it away. Your meeting. |
| [silence] | |
| Dwight Schrute: | W-What are you doing? |
| Michael Scott: | If there is something you would like to say as a group, then by all means you may say it to me right now. |
| Angela: | Ok. People are dressed inappropriately. |
| Michael Scott: | Take it up with Toby. What I want you to do, is I want you to look inward, and I want you to reflect, and I want you to say something different. |
| Jim Halpert: | Can you give us a hint? |
| [more silence] |
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| Michael Scott: | The old Michael Scott might have taken this but not the new Michael Scott. They are in, for a bitter surprise. I am not to be truffled with. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | We'll start our own paper company. The Shrute Bernard Lapin-Vance... Stanley Paper Company. |
| Michael Scott: | I love it. I love this idea and I fully support you. As a matter of fact I am going to give you some seed money. [throws a crumpled bill at Phyllis' head] There you go, there's some seed money for you! And you can take it, no hard feelings, but if you stay I want an apology and I want a big one. |
| Stanley: | You want us to apologize to you? |
| Michael Scott: | Yes I do. |
| Andy: | That's, completely backwards. |
| Michael Scott: | It's completely frontwards. |
| Phyllis: | Michael you thought you were attacking corporate but we were the ones who got hurt, you should be apologizing to us. |
| Dwight, Andy and Stanely: | That's right. |
| Phyllis: | Michael, you always said we were a family. Then you went after us. |
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| Ryan Howard: | Michael gave all of our clients back to their old salespeople. So now there's not enough for both me and Pam to stay on. |
| Pam Beesly: | He can only keep one of us as a salesperson now. He'll make his decision at the end of the day. |
| Ryan Howard: | I think you should get it. You really grew into it. |
| Pam Beesly: | Oh. [pause] I think you should get it. You've changed a lot and you'd be good at it. |
| Ryan Howard: | If you really think that will you tell that to Michael? That would go a long way coming from you. |
| Pam Beesly: | Yeah. |
| Ryan Howard: | Thanks. |
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| Michael Scott: | I have a very difficult decision to make. It's like last week I was at the video store. Do I rent Devil Wares Prada, again, or do I finally get around to seeing Sophie's Choice? It is what you would call a classic difficult decision. |
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| Oscar: | I'm sorry you're offended by my shoes but I'm not going to drive home to change. |
| Toby: | I could loan you a pair of socks. |
| Oscar: | No... |
| Toby: | No they're clean, I was going to wear them to Volleyball practice. |
| Oscar: | I don't think so. |
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| Meredith: | [condescendingly] You don't take my clients away and give them to a secretary. [to Jim] No offense, Jim, I think she's very pretty. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Her face is okay, but- |
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