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The Office Quotes (NBC) | Season 5 - Casual Friday

The Office Season 5 Quotes - Casual Friday

  • Quotes
  • Conference Room (5 Comments)
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45
likes
Creed: So hey. I wanna, set you up with my daughter.
Jim Halpert: Oh I'm engaged to Pam.
Creed: I thought you were gay.
Jim Halpert: Then why would you want to set me up with your daughter.
Creed: I don't know.
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16
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Meredith: [to her new deskmate, Ryan] Don't fall in love with me Kid.
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15
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Phyllis: I sure wish I had more time to talk to my clients though.
Pam Beesly: What?
Phyllis: Isn't that what you said to a bunch of my clients when you were stealing them? That I didn't have enough time for 'em?
Pam Beesly: Oh, I um...
Phyllis: Close your mouth sweetie you look like a trout.
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14
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Dwight Schrute: Trust me, you are going to want to heeeeeat, my words.
[cut to talking head]
Dwight Schrute: When held over heat, the invisible ink will reveal that everyone should meet at the warehouse immediately. Do not ask me where I got the invisible ink. [proudly] Urine. It was urine.
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14
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Dwight Schrute: We need to DO something. I'm thinking maybe a coup or we take Ryan hostage.
Phyllis: Those sound too harsh.
Dwight Schrute: No I'm not saying we DO those things I'm saying something LIKE those things.
Jim Halpert: Of course, what is "like" a hostage.
Dwight Schrute: Excellent question.
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14
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Andy: We could write a strongly worded letter.
Dwight Schrute: Words will never be enough.
Jim Halpert: Strongly painted picture.
Dwight Schrute: No pictures are too interpretive.
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13
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[playing chess]
Creed: No. If you do that I'm gonna do that, if you do that I'm gonna do that, if you do this I'm gonna do that.
Jim Halpert: Well what if I just... [starts moving a piece]
Creed: You don't wanna do that.
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11
likes
Erin: Do I still have a job here?
Michael Scott: Not important.
[eruption of disagreement from the office]
Michael Scott: Ok. Alllright. Yes. Yes, you have a job. Frankly you have a job because Ryan and Pam, are starting with us as salesmen.
Dwight Schrute: Wait. What!
Stanley: How is that going to work?
Michael Scott: It is going to work very smoothly because Pam and Ryan are bringing over a ton of clients, from Michael Scott Paper Company and you're n--
Phyllis: You mean the clients you stole from us.
Dwight Schrute: Aren't we getting those clients back?
Michael Scott: No you lost-- those clients.
Andy: I call foul sir!
Dwight Schrute: You were bought out, so the company then bought out all of the stolen clients.
Michael Scott: Dwight, let me explain something to you. I set the rules and you follow them. Blindly. Ok? And if you have a problem, [picks up a trash container] with that, then you can talk to our complaint department. It's a trash can!
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11
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Toby: Well I was in the seminary for a year, annnd dropped out because I wanted to have sex with this girl, Cathy. Followed her back to Scranton. Took the first job I could find in HR. Later she divorced me. So, no, I wouldn't say I have a passion for HR.
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11
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Jim Halpert: This is awkward to talk about but there may or may not be but definitely is a mutiny forming in the warehouse right now.
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10
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Andy: Oh it is on like a prawn who yawns at dawn.
Dwight Schrute: Stop, doing rhyming poetry just tell them please [to himself] God the simplest thing.
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10
likes
Michael Scott: I have a very difficult decision to make. It's like last week I was at the video store. Do I rent Devil Wares Prada, again, or do I finally get around to seeing Sophie's Choice? It is what you would call a classic difficult decision.
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10
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Andy: You don't understand clothing, Toby! You're dressed like this amorphous blog of khaki.
Toby: Alright look what you've got to understand is when you come to work, you give up certain rights.
Dwight Schrute: [standing up] Listen up Flenderson, you're being weak and ineffectual. I'm cowboying this meeting, ok! Here are the new rules, ok? Earth tones only. Also, women are forbidden to wear pants.
Toby: Alright come on, sit down Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: No.
Toby: I'm running this meeting.
Dwight Schrute: That's debatable.
Toby: It's not. It's not. Sit down or I'm writing you up.
Meredith: Ooh. Where's this guy been?
Toby: Casual Fridays are canceled.
[everyone at the meeting erupts in argument and surrounds Toby]
Toby: [yelling over everyone] There's not a single appropriate outfit in this whole office except mine quite honestly!
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9
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[Ryan and Pam clear their throats]
Michael Scott: [from behind a large paper question mark] Someone is returning! He started his own company and now he's back who could it be! I'll give you a hint. He is a man! A man you have missed with all your heart! A man, who has ruined all other men for you! Who. Is. It.
Ryan: [whispers] Who is it.
Pam Beesly: [whispering too] Who is it.
Michael Scott: [after struggling to break through the paper] It's Michael Scott!
[the office claps and Creed takes a camera phone photo]
Michael Scott: Ok, conference room five minutes.
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9
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Dwight Schrute: [in the warehouse] What are you doing here!?
Meredith: I donno. I saw a crowd. Thought there might be a dog fight or someth--
Dwight Schrute: Get out!
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9
likes
Michael Scott: Hey gang, where ya been?
Dwight Schrute: Lunch.
Michael Scott: Where'd you eat?
Phyllis: A restaurant.
Stanley: What'd you have Stanley?
Andy: I had a salmon salad. With water, no ice, I was gonna get a soda but the waitress talked me out of it. Her name was Flow. She had black hair.
Stanley: I had Mexican food.
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9
likes
[eating Dwight's lunch]
Michael Scott: I'm gonna have some of this meat sandwich.
Dwight Schrute: It's pony.
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7
likes
Angela: [irate] The man is wearing sandals. I don't need to see Oscar's toes at work! Gross! I mean it looks like he just got off the boat!
Toby: Can't you just not look at his feet?
Angela: Excuse me? Oh. You're so educated aren't you Toby? [screaming] So trained to deal with a hysterical woman I don't want to look at his feet! [walking out] Do your job!
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7
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Creed: It's crazy what's going on out there, huh?
Jim Halpert: I know. Yeah. It's... kinda...
Creed: Sometimes it's best just to stay out of it.
Jim Halpert: That's true. That's right, yeah.
Creed: Wanna play a game?
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7
likes
Jim Halpert: I'm just hiding out until all this stuff, blows over. With Creed. Playing chess. At work. He's winning! [catches himself] I feel like I'm describing a dream I had.
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7
likes
Erin: I really love your outfit.
Kelly: Thank you so much for saying that. I can't believe that Toby thinks this is inappropriate.
Erin: You look like J-Lo.
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7
likes
Michael Scott: I don't think you are being totally impartial though. Because you haven't said one bad thing about Pam.
Jim Halpert: And I won't.
Michael Scott: Ok. So be it, you've lost credibility, and I'm gonna go with my gut and that's Ryan.
Jim Halpert: You're right. Sometimes when she is tired she can be a little bit shrill but that's not a weird voice.
Michael Scott: Wowwww!
Jim Halpert: Take it easy.
Michael Scott: Ohhh man! Wow. "Honey! I want you to bring the garbage out. 'Cause I'm not gonna have sex with you unless you bring out the garbage--" [looks up to see that Jim has left]
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6
likes
Michael Scott: When I needed salespeople for my new paper company, everyone here turned their back on me. Am I going to ask them to beg for forgiveness, no. Am I going to ask for a big, crying, apology? No. Am I going to ask them to slit their wrists for me? [smiling] No! I just want a tiny microscopic version of that.
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6
likes
Ryan Howard: What you gotta do, is you gotta go down to that warehouse and you gotta crack some skulls. Chiklis style.
Michael Scott: Yeah. The Commish.
Ryan Howard: Yes but, Chiklis, Shield style. Not Commish style.
Michael Scott: Yeah yeah. The Shield.
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6
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Michael Scott: No matter how I look at this I am in the wrong. And I have looked at this thing like a hundred different ways. From my point of view, from their point of view... 98 others. And bottom line, I am in the wrong. I'm the bad guy.
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6
likes
Michael Scott: I need you, to arrange a meeting between me and the sales staff without Ryan and Pam knowing.
Dwight Schrute: Gasp. Are you talking about a secret meeting?
Michael Scott: Whatever you guys did earlier.
Dwight Schrute: I don't know the first thing about secret meetings.
Michael Scott: Just do it. Ok? Get 'em there. Get 'em there--
Dwight Schrute: I'll do the best I can, Michael.
Michael Scott: Are you kidding me?
Dwight Schrute: Deceit does not come easy to me.
Michael Scott: Ok ok ok ok!
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5
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Michael Scott: What I wanna do, right now, is try something a little different. I'm gonna throw it out there, starting with this meeting. I want you guys to run it. I want you to say whatever you want, take it away. Your meeting.
[silence]
Dwight Schrute: W-What are you doing?
Michael Scott: If there is something you would like to say as a group, then by all means you may say it to me right now.
Angela: Ok. People are dressed inappropriately.
Michael Scott: Take it up with Toby. What I want you to do, is I want you to look inward, and I want you to reflect, and I want you to say something different.
Jim Halpert: Can you give us a hint?
[more silence]
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5
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Michael Scott: The old Michael Scott might have taken this but not the new Michael Scott. They are in, for a bitter surprise. I am not to be truffled with.
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5
likes
Dwight Schrute: We'll start our own paper company. The Shrute Bernard Lapin-Vance... Stanley Paper Company.
Michael Scott: I love it. I love this idea and I fully support you. As a matter of fact I am going to give you some seed money. [throws a crumpled bill at Phyllis' head] There you go, there's some seed money for you! And you can take it, no hard feelings, but if you stay I want an apology and I want a big one.
Stanley: You want us to apologize to you?
Michael Scott: Yes I do.
Andy: That's, completely backwards.
Michael Scott: It's completely frontwards.
Phyllis: Michael you thought you were attacking corporate but we were the ones who got hurt, you should be apologizing to us.
Dwight, Andy and Stanely: That's right.
Phyllis: Michael, you always said we were a family. Then you went after us.
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5
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Ryan Howard: Michael gave all of our clients back to their old salespeople. So now there's not enough for both me and Pam to stay on.
Pam Beesly: He can only keep one of us as a salesperson now. He'll make his decision at the end of the day.
Ryan Howard: I think you should get it. You really grew into it.
Pam Beesly: Oh. [pause] I think you should get it. You've changed a lot and you'd be good at it.
Ryan Howard: If you really think that will you tell that to Michael? That would go a long way coming from you.
Pam Beesly: Yeah.
Ryan Howard: Thanks.
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5
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Michael Scott: I have a very difficult decision to make. It's like last week I was at the video store. Do I rent Devil Wares Prada, again, or do I finally get around to seeing Sophie's Choice? It is what you would call a classic difficult decision.
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4
likes
Oscar: I'm sorry you're offended by my shoes but I'm not going to drive home to change.
Toby: I could loan you a pair of socks.
Oscar: No...
Toby: No they're clean, I was going to wear them to Volleyball practice.
Oscar: I don't think so.
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4
likes
Meredith: [condescendingly] You don't take my clients away and give them to a secretary. [to Jim] No offense, Jim, I think she's very pretty.
Dwight Schrute: Her face is okay, but-
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4
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Michael Scott: Six weeks ago, none of these people wanted to come with me. You two, were the only ones with the stones to follow.
Pam Beesly: Mm-hmm.
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2
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Daryl: What did I tell you about building forts in my warehouse?
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2
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Kelly: Dammit, Meredith, where are your panties?
Meredith: It's casual day.
5 Comments in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons

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