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The Office Quotes (NBC) | Season 7 - Nepotism

The Office Season 7 Quotes - Nepotism

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  • Conference Room (2 Comments)
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14
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Michael Scott: I suppose summer had to end sometime. It's sad though, because I had a great summer. I got west nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. Annnd I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected. Even though I peed on it. [pause] Saw inception. Or at least I dreamt I did...
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13
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Dwight Schrute: Dwight Schrute. Star salesman. Beet farmer. Bed and breakfast proprietor. Aspiring freelance bodyguard. Add to that list, owner of this building. [turns to camera] Then burn the list.
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11
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Kelly: This summer I did the minority executive training program at Yale. You guys I'm like really smart now. You don't even know. You could ask me, Kelly what's the biggest company in the world? And I'd be like, "blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah." Giving you the exact right answer.
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11
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[Dwight sits down with a huge keychain]
Jim Halpert: Wow that's a lot of keys.
Dwight Schrute: Bigger the keychain more powerful the man.
Jim Halpert: That's great. Janitor said that.
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11
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Jim Halpert: By the way the racoons are back.
Dwight Schrute: Where.
Jim Halpert: I think they run through these panels and then down into the map. I wouldn't know for sure because I don't have a trained ear which is why I use one of these [takes out a stethoscope]
Dwight Schrute: Gimme that.
Jim Halpert: Yep. Wait. [pulls out a hammer] And this.
Dwight Schrute: Yes.
Jim Halpert: Go get 'em.
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11
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Michael Scott: [writing on the whiteboard] Don't bother Luke.
Pam Halpert: Why is there a circle with a line through it?
Michael Scott: That means don't. Haven't you seen Ghostbusters Pam?
Phyllis: Yeah but it's like you're saying we should bother Luke.
Michael Scott: No, it... [looks at the drawing] Yes, ok. Right. Alright, yep, my bad. [erases the "Don't" from the circle, leaving "Bother Luke" with a line through it] I got it. Here we go. [Michael writes "Don't" beside the circle]
Darryl: "Don't don't bother Luke." Got it.
Michael Scott: Gahh... come on. Ok. Um. [draws a circle around the Don't a draws a line through it] That is as clear as I can make it.
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11
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[Pam is pranking Dwight in the elevator]
Dwight Schrute: Is this elevator going up? Hey. The elevator's disobeying us! [the elevator makes a crunch and stops] Ohhkay. Ok. We are stuck. We are stuck. [yelling at the intercom] Hank? Hank? Can you hear us! Oh my god ok. Emergency protocol.
Pam Halpert: Just calm down.
Dwight Schrute: Pam, try to pry open those front doors. Immediately.
Pam Halpert: I don't--
Dwight Schrute: Use your talons! Pry 'em open!
Pam Halpert: [laughing] Ok, Dwight-- Oh my god! [turns to see Dwight peeing in the corner]
Dwight Schrute: Well don't look freak!
Pam Halpert: Dwight what are you doing! We've only been in here for like two seconds!
Dwight Schrute: I've got fifty six ounces of fluid in my bladder, and we have to establish a pee corner!
Pam Halpert: You've gotta be kidding me.
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10
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Kelly: Yeah your nephew is so lame.
Creed: He's been trashing us relentlessly on Twitter. It's funny stuff, but mean.
Jim Halpert: You follow him on Twitter?
[cut to talking head]
Creed: Everywhere I look it's Betty White this and Betty White that. Finally a kid who's not talking about Betty White. Of course I follow him.
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8
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Jo Bennett: Ok now educate me why you won't fire the boy.
Michael Scott: You don't have all the facts.
Jo Bennett: Which are?
Michael Scott: I love him.
Jo Bennett: [Jo sighs] How far has it gone.
Michael Scott: ... No, no. He's my nephew.
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7
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Erin: Gabe is awesome. He's accomplished so much career-wise and height-wise. Thank god he's my boss because I would not have said yes to a first date, if I didn't have to, but, its been great.
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7
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Dwight Schrute: [covering up the thermostat] From now on if you're hot sit on an ice pack.
Kevin: Well what if you're cold?
Dwight Schrute: Pfft. Like you'd ever be cold Kevin. Stop asking me hypothetical questions, ok, I'm too busy.
Jim Halpet: Hey Dwight I donno if you heard but we're supposed to be drinking out of weird backpacks instead of cups like regular people [looks up] Oh you did hear!
Dwight Schrute: Jim you have one job to do and you do it forgettably. Those of us who are busy require hands-free hydration.
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7
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Andy: New guy sucks. He calls me the Nard Man. I'm the Nard Dawg, ok? Nard Man is my father.
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7
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Jim Halpert: What happened to me this summer? Dwight bought the building, so... actually this has been the busiest summer of my life.
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7
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Gabe: Michael, you just physically assaulted an employee. Can we talk in private?
Michael Scott: Yes, of course. What is this in reference to?
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7
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[Jim walks out to the stalled elevator]
Jim Halpert: Pam?
Pam Halpert: Oh hey Jim! Some prankster switched the elevator buttons on Dwight.
Jim Halpert: I did not do this.
Pam Halpert: I know. [smiles] Yeah! And it was going really great at first. I got video [tosses her cell phone]
Jim Halpert: This is impressive.
Pam Halpert: Well you know, they don't call me the Bart Simpson of Scranton for nothing.
Jim Halpert: Do they call you that?
Pam Halpert: They do call me that.
Jim Halpert: Come on, give me your hand I'll help you down.
Pam Halpert: Nope! Scared of getting cut in half. Also there's pee on the floor.
Jim Halpert: Oh! Of course there is. Hey. Chinese tonight?
Pam Halpert: Yeah.
Jim Halpert: Alright.
[Dwight kneels down]
Dwight Schrute: How you doing?
Jim Halpert: Pretty good. You must be almost out of water.
Pam Halpert: Stop drinking the water! Stop!
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5
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Phyllis: Why can't we bother Luke, he deserves it.
Michael Scott: Because I don't want it getting back to Sabre that we're yelling at assistants it would reflect poorly on us.
Dwight Schrute: [jokingly] Who's gonna tell on us? Gabe?
[everyone laughs]
Gabe: That'd be hilarious. "Jo they're creating a hostile work environment stop them!"
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4
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Pam Halpert: [after ruining Jim's prank] Sorry.
Jim Halpert: Oh no, I was just going to put a couple keys on everyday until Christmas. Then his pants would've fallen down which was, a little gift to me but...
Pam Halpert: It was really funny...?
Jim Halpert: Well it would've been. So unprofessional Mrs. Halpert.
Pam Halpert: [awkwardly] I love you!
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4
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Michael Scott: Having Luke here is a pretty big deal for me. Because his mother, who also happens to be my half sister, kind of cut me off from that side of the family fifteen years ago--fourteen. The last time I saw Luke, was the opening day of Ace Ventura 2. And that was '95. So yes, fifteen years on the dot. [long pause] Anyway, I lost him in a forest.
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4
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Kevin: [looking through Luke's groceries] Wait. Soy ice cream. Did you get real ice cream?
Pam Beesly: Or enough for everyone?
Luke: No man there was no list. But I got Bagel Chips.
Oscar: Oh my favorite part of an ice cream party. Bagel Chips!
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4
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Kevin: [unscrewing the elevator's panel] Ohh yeah. This'll be easy. So just like rearrange the buttons and stuff.
Pam Halpert: Yeah yeah! Like when he presses door close the doors open or when he presses lobby it goes to third floor stuff like that? Can you do that?
Kevin: Yeah. Let me take a look at the circus board.
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4
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[Michael sits in the conference with Gabe and Toby]
Gabe: Legal says, the best way to protect us from a lawsuit is to call this a stress induced outburst. You will have to undergo six sessions of counselling.
Michael Scott: That's it? Really? That's nothing. Alright! It's highway robbery.
Gabe: Well, that's the spirit!
Michael Scott: I can do that.
Gabe: And uh, you will do your counselling right here because our HR staff are all certified counsellors.
Michael Scott: Ok. Wait what?
Toby: Yeah, I'm really looking forward to working with you Michael.
Michael Scott: [to Gabe] Is there another option.
Gabe: [confused] The alternative is termination.
[Michael doesn't answer]
Gabe: Michael?
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3
likes
[during the office lip dub]
Ryan: Wuphf dot com!
Kelly: Ryan we're doing a dance!--
Ryan: This is how you build a business! This is how you make it in this country!
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3
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Kelly: [interrupting the meeting] I would just like to say something off of what Darryl said about the level playing field. That is actually a zoning issue. [everyone stares at Kelly] So thank you.
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3
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Oscar: If there's nothing wrong with this Michael, why have you been keeping it a secret?
Michael Scott: Because I wanted you to come to me and say, wow. He is so great and I was gonna say "well it's in the genes." And I was actually going to be wearing jeans. [Dwight giggles] And I'd point to them. Right? No. Because you ruined it.
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3
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Jo Bennett: Well I got a nephew too but he don't work for me. You know why? Because he's a screw-up! He can swim in my pool but he can't come in my house.
Michael Scott: Well this office is my pool and my house is my house and I just want my nephew to work in my pool.
Jo Bennett: If you keep him Michael, I'mma hold you accountable for him. You're on the hook for this kid you got that?
Michael Scott: Mm-hmm.
Jo Bennett: Cover his ass like tighty whiteys.
Michael Scott: I will cover his ass like moss on a Mississippi tree stump.
Jo Bennett: Was how I put it not clear enough. I mean you had to make up your own saying? Deal with it boys!
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3
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Michael Scott: No no no no! Not on Angela's boob.
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2
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Michael Scott: Here he comes. Guys. Look. I don't want you to treat him, like anybody else in the office. I just want you to treat him like my nephew.
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2
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Pam Halpert: Dwight is about to get so Pamed!
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0
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Michael Scott: My point is...that as long as people like you and me don't stop talking, nobody can stop the U.S.A. ... I am talking about the freedom, about choice. America, I don't think you need to worry, because if you wanna beat China, you will. If you don't, that's fine. That, my friend, is your Victory.
2 Comments in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons

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