The Office Season 3 Quotes - Business School

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Dwight Schrute: I don't have a lot experience with vampires, but I have hunted warewolves. I shot one once. But by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor's dog.
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Dwight Schrute: Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, 'Would an idiot do that?' And if they would, I do not do that thing.
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Michael Scott: A boss is like a teacher. And I am like the cool teacher, like Mr. Handell. Mr. Handell would hang out with us and he would tell us awesome jokes and he actually hooked up with one of the students. And then like 12 other kids came forward.. it was in all the papers. Really ruined eighth grade for us.
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Dwight Schrute: Extraordinary events call for extraordinary actions. Will you form an allegiance--
Creed: Sure.
Dwight Schrute: To use sudden violence--
Creed: Okay.
Dwight Schrute: Do you have the tools to turn a wooden mop handle into a stake?
Creed: What size?
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Michael Scott: What is the most aspiring thing I ever said to you?
Dwight Schrute: 'Don't be an idiot.' Changed my life.
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Dwight Schrute: If a vampire bat was in the U.S., it would make sense for it to come to a 'sylvania.' Like Pennsylvania. Now that doesn't mean that Jim's gonna become a vampire, only that he carries that vampiric germ.
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Michael Scott: There are four kinds of business. Tourism, food service, railroads and sales. And hospitals slash manufacturing. And air travel.
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Jim Halpert: I'm sorry what did you say? So weird.
Dwight Schrute: What? What's so weird?
Jim Halpert: The bat. I mean, I know I felt it bite me but look there's no mark. I feel so tingly... So strangely powerful... [pause] Oh well.
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Michael Scott: Campus. Brings back so many memories, that I would have made.
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Michael Scott: Will they throw their hats, you think?
Ryan: What?
Michael Scott: A lot of times at a school, or naval academy, after a rousing speech the crowd will throw its hats high into the air.
Ryan: You understand nobody's graduating.
Michael Scott: Yeah I know, I know. I'm just saying if they did throw their hats I've got a great line for that. "May your hats fly as high as your dreams".
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Creed: Animals can't feel pain.
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Michael Scott: You cannot learn from a book [starts tearing out pages from textbook] Replace these pages with life lessons, and then you will have a book that's worth it's weight in gold. I know these are expensive, but the lesson is priceless.
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Ryan: If you bring your boss to class it automatically bumps you up a full letter grade. So, I'd be stupid not to do it... right?
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Toby: Oh this looks great. I'd love to be there but my daughter's play is tonight. Dammit! You know, one of the other parents will probably videotape it.
Pam Beesly: Oh, no, you should go.
Toby: Well, it's important to support local art, you know? What they do is not art.
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Michael Scott: You know what else is facing five Goliaths? America. Al-Qaeda. Global warming. Sex predators. Mercury poisoning. So do we just give up?
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Michael Scott: [hanging up Pam's painting] It is a message. It is an inspiration. It is a source of beauty. And without paper, it could not have happened... Unless, you had a camera.
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Dwight Schrute: Goodbye, Jim, and good luck. Jim is on a path now, an eternal journey, and I wish him well. But I have a destiny in this realm, specifically in the kitchen.
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Ryan: It wasn't personal.
Michael Scott: Business is always personal. It's the most personal thing in the world.
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Roy: Your art was the prettiest art of all art.
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Angela: Poop is raining from the ceiling. Poop!
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[from deleted scenes]
[Creed walks over to Phyllis' desk]
Stanley: She's on her honeymoon. She won't be back for six weeks.
Creed: [sits down on her desk] I'll wait.
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2
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Michael Scott Ryan has never made a sale. And he started a fire trying to make a cheesy pita. And everybody thinks he’s a tease. Well you know what? He doesn’t know anything, and neither do you. So suck on that!
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Michael Scott We can't overestimate the value of computers. Yes, they are great for playing games and forwarding funny emails, but real business is done on paper. Okay? Write that down. [whole class types it on their laptops]
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Student What do you say to a customer who wants to leave you for the convenience and savings of a nationwide chain?
Michael Scott I say you will miss our service and I absolutely guarantee you'll come back.
Student Has anyone ever come back?
Michael Scott We don't want them back 'cause they're stupid.
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Jim Pam's with Roy. I'm with Karen. And uh, Brangelina is Frangelina. Moving on.
4 Comments in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons