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The Office Quotes (NBC) | Season 7 - Counselling

The Office Season 7 Quotes - Counselling

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  • Conference Room (1 Comment)
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14
likes
Erin: Disposable cameras are fun although it does seem wasteful and you don't ever get to see your pictures. If it's an important event that you want to remember, I recommend using a real camera. But, I don't care if I forget today.
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13
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Michael Scott: Toby can I really tell you anything?
Toby: Of course.
Michael Scott: Well the other night, I was sitting at the table eating my penis--I mean peas. That was weird. Ah that's weird. I think it all stems from the fact that I was... I was probed. By an alien life force. An A-L-F. ALF. You know I might've actually been probed by ALF. You might think he's a puppet. You never see the lower half but there's a lower half.
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12
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Michael Scott: [showing his middle fingers to Toby] Thank you doctor, take two of these and call me in the morning.
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11
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Dwight Schrute: Now that I own the building I'm looking for new sources of revenue. And a daycare center...? Muahahahahahahahaha... [pause] Well I guess it's not an evil idea it's just a regular idea but, there's no good laugh for a regular idea.
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10
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Kelly: I talk a lot so I've learned to just tune myself out.
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9
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Dwight Schrute: [walking over to four metal buckets] We come fully equipped with a restroom, feeding troff, play bucket, and room for plant, in success.
Jim Halpert: Who will be watching the children.
Dwight Schrute: No one. The door locks from the outside, escape is impossible.
Jim Halpert: Prove it. We're gonna head outside. Give it a whirl. I just wanna see how it works.
Dwight Schrute: Oh no no no no--
Jim Halpert: But I'll tell you this, if this works out I think we're lookin' real good.
Dwight Schrute: I promise you that door locks!
[Jim shuts off the lights and closes the door]
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8
likes
Andy: Dwighttt...
Dwight Schrute: What!
Andy: Did you call all my clients at the mall and cancel all my business while using the f-word...
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8
likes
Kelly: You know what Dwight? You need to go back there and you need to Pretty Woman their asses.
Creed: We should start our own mall!
Erin: Yeah!
Jim Halpert: Wait wait wait actually that's a really good idea Kelly.
Kelly: What did I say.
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7
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[touring Dwight's daycare]
Dwight Schrute: Here is the language skills and cognitive development area. These are English, uh, letters. I see you found our magical toy box, Jim.
Jim Halpert: These are actually forks and knives from the break room.
Dwight Schrute: [chuckles] Jim. To you and me maybe, but come on. To a child's imagination that's Mr. Fork and Lieutenant Knife and Ms. Fork.
Pam Halpert: And a soy sauce packet.
Dwight Schrute: Oh. [picks it up] That shouldn't have been in there. I'm embarrassed.
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7
likes
Phyllis: I'm glad Michael's getting help. He has a lot of issues and he's stupid.
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7
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Dwight Schrute: Apparently there is a famous Hollywood movie from the 1980's, Beautiful Girl.
Andy: Pretty Woman. [to camera] Pretty Woman.
Dwight Schrute: Apparently it's one of the best revenge stories of all time in which this sex worker who is the protagonist. That can't be right. Andy, how does it--
Jim Halpert: No no no I wanna hear you tell it.
Dwight Schrute: Ok, um... the sex worker is denied service at a fancy store because she does not look wealthy. She later returns dressed in all the trapping of extravagant wealth. But instead of shopping--
Andy: Julia Roberts goes into the store and she's like "I was in here yesterday" and people wouldn't help me and the shopgirl goes "oh" and then Julia Roberts goes "you girls work on commission right?" And the girl's like, "yeah." And Julia Roberts goes--
Kelly: [barges in] Big mistake! Huge.
Andy: I was telling--I was telling that.
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7
likes
Ryan: The glasses, are a little...
[Dwight takes off his glasses and stomps on them]
Pam Halpert: I liked them.
Kelly: I thought they were kinda cute.
Ryan: Yeah, I liked them too.
Dwight Schrute: I can't see.
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6
likes
Pam Halpert: The unfair thing about working in sales is that your salary is almost all commission. So if you suck at sales you make almost no money. [long pause] I guess that's fair.
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4
likes
Pam Halpert: There are a few ways to get promoted. One is to wait for an opening and apply for it. That's the main way. But this could work.
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4
likes
Gabe: So Corporate got your evaluations and they wanted me to double check is that, really how you feel about Michael's situation?
Toby: Yes.
Gabe: That is not how he seemed to me.
Toby: Well he seemed fine--
Gabe: You marked severe in all the categories including at risk for homicidal behavior.
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3
likes
Jim Halpert: Before me stands your co-worker, Dwight Kurt Schrute. Dwight show 'em all sides, turn around. Now today we need your help turning Dwight into a gentleman.
Andy: A gentleman, who is a rich snob, who will go into shopping malls and drop huge amounts of cash on clothes.
Stanley: Is he still doing this boycott?
Jim Halpert: No this is instead of the boycott.
Kelly: Your shirt and tie are disgusto-barfo.
Jim Halpert: Agreed.
Dwight Schrute: Really?
Oscar: Maybe something not so monochromatic. Not so matching.
Dwight Schrute: Wait less matching to appear more rich?
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3
likes
Ryan: Psychiatrists tend to be more crazy than their patients. Therapists are whores. Psychiatry is a narcissism machine. I learn more from Dr. Seuss than Dr. Freud. Earth. You don't have to be crazy to live here, but it helps. [off-camera] I donno just use the best one.
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2
likes
Jim Halpert: Did something happen Dwight?
Dwight Schrute: Yeah something happened. Oh yeah something happened, Jim.
Andy: Well, tell us what it is I mean, it would really help us to get some context so we can get on board.
Dwight Schrute: You don't wanna know.
[Andy looks shocked]
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2
likes
Angela: Please and thank you go a long way.
Dwight Schrute: Copy. [doubles back] Thank you.
Angela: Thank YOU.
Dwight Schrute: [smiles] Please.
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2
likes
[Michael and Toby are drawing during Michael's counselling session]
Toby: So that's the office, huh?
Michael Scott: Mm-hmm! Look at that.
Toby: [chuckling] Angela's cat! Yeah. Why's uh Angela taller than uh Dwight?
Michael Scott: [looks at the drawing] Right! Oh.
Toby: I wonder why uh it feels like that.
1 Comment in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons

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