Cure Stress - Find grace under fire

The Office Season 4 Quotes - Dinner Party

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Michael Scott: Man I would love to burn your candles!
Jan: You burn it you buy it!
Michael Scott: Oh good! I'll be your first customer!
Jan: You're hardly my first.
Michael Scott: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!
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Michael Scott: [after sipping wine] That is sort of an oaky afterbirth.
Jim Halpert: What was that?
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Michael Scott: Alright here we go. This is gonna be fun. Ready? Alright, first name is Tom.
Jan: No, no, no! No names! No rhyming! No sounds a-likes, you actually have to--
Michael Scott: Ok! Ok! You're getting into my head! First name is blank and he goes on a cruise. He goes on a Caribbean cruiseee.
Angela: I don't know.
Jim Halpert: Katie Holmes.
Michael Scott: Bahhhhhh!! But he's married to her!
Jim Halpert: Oh Dawson's Creek.
Michael Scott: No! No, it has to be a real person, Jim, come on! Ok no no I'm gonna pass. Ahh, oh ok! Um, rhymes with Parnold Sporchzenegger.
Jan: No rhyming!
Jim Halpert: No really a rhyme...
Angela: Another clue! Another clue!
Michael Scott: Alright he's the Governor of California, he is The Terminator...
Angela: Those aren't helpful--
Jim Halpert: Tom Cruise!
Michael Scott: Noo--
Andy: Time!
Michael Scott: Does anyone read the paper??
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Jim Halpert: Michael and Jan seem to be playing their own separate game, and it's called, "let's see how uncomfortable we can make our guests." And they're both winning. So I am going to make a run for it.
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Pam Beesly: What a cute bench.
Michael Scott: Thanks, that's my bed. Jan has, uh, some space issues so I crawl up on that puppy
Jim Halpert: Really? 'Cause, it seems pretty narrow... and short.
Michael Scott: It's actually a lot bigger than it seems. Look at this. [lies down on bench]
Jan: See? He fits perfectly.
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Michael Scott: That is a 200 dollar plasma TV you've just killed. Good luck paying me back on your zero dollars a month plus benefits salary, babe!
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Michael Scott: I finally broke down and bought myself a plasma tv. [camera pans out to show tiny screen attached to wall] Check it out. I actually hung this, on the wall, myself. Let me show you something: A lot of people in the room, you need more space [pushes the tv back an inch against the wall] Voila. Right into the wall.
Jim Halpert: Wow. [Jim and Pam nod at each other]
Michael Scott: Sometimes I will just stand here and watch television for hours. I love it. I love this tv!
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Jim Halpert: You'll never guess. I just got a message from my landlord. Apparently my apartment flooded. Something with the sprinklers.
Jan: Oh no!
Jim Halpert: Pam we should probably get going to see the damage.
Michael Scott: Well you don't know two of you to do that.
Jim Halpert: [pause] That's... true, um. [pause] Dinner sounded delicious. Pam, see you at home? Thank you so much.
Pam Beesly: Oh Jim I don't think you're going to abandon this party here all by itself.
Jim Halpert: No, 'cause everything I own is there.
Pam Beesly: You can buy new stuff but you can't buy a new party!
Michael Scott: That's true! That is a great point. Come on down here. Sit down, on the couch. We're your friends and we're not going to let you think about all your stuff being destroyed alright?
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Dwight Schrute: Michael can come home with me.
Michael Scott: [turns to Jim and Pam] Jim? Pam?
Jim Halpert: Oh, my apartment's on fire--
Pam Beesley: [whispering] Flooded.
Jim Halpert: ...flooded.
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Michael Scott: "Whatever I want." It's never whatever I want. When I wanted to see Stomp and you wanted to see Wicked, what did we see?
Jan: We saw W-W--
Michael Scott: When I said that I wanted to have kids and you said that you wanted me to have a vasectomy, what did I do? And then, when you said that you might want to have kids and I wasn't so sure? Who had the vasectomy reversed? And then when you said you definitely didn't wanna have kids? Who had is reversed back! Snip snap snip snap snip snap! I did! You have no idea the physical toll that three vasectomies have on a person. And I bought the condo, to fill will children!
Jan: I am so sorry that I don't wanna bring kids into this screwed up world.
Michael Scott: I am sorry too.
Jan: But look if you wanna have kids then fine! You win! Let's have a [bleep] kid!
Michael Scott: Do you mean it? You wanna have a kid.
Jan: I hate my life.
[Jan walks away]
Dwight Schrute: So, can we come in?
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Pam Beesly: This is the best burger I've ever had, babe.
Jim Halpert: Babe, I should have told you but, I did something bad.
Pam Beesly: Mm?
Jim Halpert: I stole this. [holds up Hunter's CD] For you, babe.
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[Michael gives Pam his jacket]
Pam Beesly: Oh, thank you.
Michael Scott: You're welcome.
[long pause]
Jan: I'm so, so sorry for the temperature in here. The, uh, sliding glass door shattered. It's actually a really cute story. Do you wanna tell it babe or should I tell it?
Michael Scott: I don't like that story, babe.
Jan: Come on! It's a cute story. Michael ran through the sliding glass door because he thought he heard the ice cream truck.
Michael Scott: Stop! Stop it! I mean.. I like ice cream, ok? Sue me! Oh- no, don't! I shouldn't say that jokingly because she will sue me. She loves to sue! She loves lawsuits. You know, honey, that door was extremely clean, and it looked invisible.
Jan: You are so right. You are SO right! Because before I lived here the glass was always covered with smudges and- and I moved in and I cleaned it and I guess that makes me the devil!
Michael Scott: [laughing hysterically] You are! She is! She is the devil! I'm in hell! I'm burning. Help me.
Angela: You shouldn't joke about that.
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Jim Halpert: Michael has asked Pam and me to dinner at least... nine times and every time we've been able to get out of it. But, I gotta give him credit. He got me. Because... I'm starting to suspect there was no assignment from corporate.
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Dwight Schrute: I know you love beet salad. I've seen you eat it many times.
Angela: The thought of popping one of your beets into my mouth makes me want to vomit.
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Andy: [with bouquet of flowers] These are for you.
Jan: How thoughtful!
Andy: Except for one flower, which is for my flower. [takes a rose for Angela]
Angela: What am I supposed to do with this?
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[playing Hunter's song on CD]
Hunter: [singing] You took me by the hand... made me a man... that one NIGHT! You made everything ALRIGHT! So raw, so right, all night, alright, oh yeah! Oh yeahhh... So raw, so right, all night, alright, oh yeah!
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Pam Beesly: I don't care what they say about me I just wanna eat. Which I realize is a lot to ask for. At a dinner party!
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Pam Beesly: I know Jan didn't poison the food. I know that. But if she was going to poison the food of someone at that table, wouldn't it be me? Michael's former lover.
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Jan: You should see our bathroom after Michael takes a bath. Whoo! But I don't have to tell you, Pam.
Pam Beesly: Oh. Yeah. W- what?
Jan: Oh don't tell me that he's really changed since you guys have dated.
Pam Beesly: Oh are- are you joking?
Jan: Michael told me a little bit about it but I see the way you look at him.
Pam Beesly: I have never, ever dated, or wanted to do anything resembling dating Michael, ever. Not ever, not now, not then, not now, not ever, ever.
Angela: I've noticed how you look at him at the office.
Jan: Um-hmm.
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Jim Halpert: So, how do you guys know each other?
Dwight's Babysitter: I was his babysitter.
Pam Beesly: And now you guys are, dating?
Dwight Schrute: Purely carnal. That's all you need to know.
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Andy: Tuna! Sup, Tuna. Gonna have some tuna for dinner? [to Pam] I bet you're sick of Tuna, right? Probably have Tuna every night. Tuna!
Jim Halpert: Alright.
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Jim Halpert: Would you write down your e-mail 'cause I have just so many questions.
Dwight's Babysitter: E-mail?
Jim Halpert: Never mind.
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Dwight Schrute: Uh, what seems to be the problem officers?
Police officer: Not now Dwight.
Show Image (1)
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Dwight Schrute: Michael! Uh what time should I be arriving?
Michael Scott: Dwight it's couples only. And besides I only have 6 wine glasses. So it will be me and Jan and Pam and Jim. And Angela and Andy!
Andy: Heyo!
[look of horror on Dwight's face]
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Dwight Schrute: Does it bother me that I wasn't invited to Michael's dinner party? [starts crying]
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Dwight Schrute: Hello!
Jan: What are you doing here?
Dwight Schrute: We came here to eat dinner and to party. This is a dinner party right?
Pam Beesly: Awesome!
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Michael Scott: She threw a Dundee at my plasma tv.
Police officer: Do you want to press charges?
Michael Scott: Will she get in trouble?
Police officer: Yes. She'll be charged.
Michael Scott: I'll take the fall for this one.
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Pam Beesly: Oh, I- I can help, starting dinner if you need it.
Jan: Oh no, no, no, it's just the Osso Bucco needs to braise for about three hours. Everything else is done!
Pam Beesly: Three hours from now or three hours from earlier, like 4 o'clock?
Jan: You know, Pam, in Spain, they often don't even start eating until midnight.
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Michael Scott: [whispering] Pam. I hope she didn't do anything to the food.
Pam Beesly: Like- like what?
Michael Scott: I can't prove it, but I think she might be trying to poison me.
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Angela: Sometimes I think she holds onto faxes.
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Jan: It was between the, uh, neon beer sign and the "dun-dies," so I said "Honey, keep the trophies."
Michael Scott: Oh, honey. I have the best, trophy, right, here. Aside from the dundies.
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Michael Scott: You know I have soft teeth. How could you say that?
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Michael Scott: I think we should celebrate. How 'bout you, Pam, mi casa, little dinner dancing, drinks.
Jim Halpert: Oh, I--
Michael Scott: [quickly] You said you didn't have plans. [looking up at Jim] That's what you said.
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Jan: You have a preference, babe? Upstairs first?
Michael Scott: Totally your call babe.
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Jan: So this is the master bedroom and uh, these walls they used to be like white, like an asylum. So I wanted it to be softer so I had it painted it an eggshell white.
Michael Scott: Guess what? White and eggshell white are exactly the same colour. Exactly!
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Michael Scott: I also built this table.
Jim Halpert: What is that? Chestnut?
Michael Scott: No I think that is either pine or nortic cheery.
Jan: Pine.
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[Michael goes to give Angela a hug]
Angela: No. No.
Michael Scott: Okay...
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Jan: Babe can you just like, reallly woah, you know, I'm just like realllly--
Michael Scott: [chuckling] What? What!
Jan: Can you just simmer down? Seriously.
Michael Scott: No, I'm just making people laugh.
Jan: No.
Michael Scott: Yeah. I was watching Jim's face--
Jan: I was watching Jim's face.
Michael Scott: --and he was laughing.
[camera pans to Jim staring forward blankly]
Jan: Nooo smile.
Michael Scott: Look at him. He's smiling.
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Michael Scott: So Jim I noticed you checking out Jan's candles.
Jim Halpert: Oh no. She just put it in front of my face.
Michael Scott: Did you know, that candles are the number one fastest growing product in the scent-aroma market? Two billion dollar a year industry. And for only ten thousand dollars YOU could become a co-owner of Serenity by Jan. What do you think about that?
Andy: Thought about it. I'm in.
Jim Halpert: I'm sorry are you really trying to get us to invest in Jan's company?
Michael Scott: [shaking his head] I'm sorry.
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Michael Scott: Mmmmm... this is BS! This is BS. Why are we here? I am gonna call corporate. Enough is enough! I'm-- God, I'm so mad. [picks up the phone in his office] This is Michael Scott, Scranton. Well we don't wanna work! No, we don't! It's not fair to these people! These people are my friends and I care about them! We're not gonna do it!
[Michael walks back into the office]
Michael Scott: Everybody I just got of the horn with corporate. And, uh, basically I told them where they could stick their little overtime assignment. Go enjoy your Friday.
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Michael Scott: So? What have you been doing?
Jim Halpert: Let's see, since I saw you an hour ago?
Michael Scott: [chuckles] Yeah.
Jim Halpert: I have been getting ready and then driving over here.
Michael Scott: Well we've been doing pretty much the same thing...
Jim Halpert: Really.
Michael Scott: Except driving.
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Pam Beesly: So you have an office and a workspace.
Jan: I do, yeah. I just- I cannot create in the same space that I conduct business. I'm sure you're the same with your doodles.
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Jan: Hey babe! How 'bout we take the beer sign down until our guests leave and then we can discuss it.
Michael Scott: No, no. I'm gonna leave it up. I think it ties the whole room together.
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Pam Beesly: Yeah, he tried to set up my Tivo for me, but then I did have audio for a week.
Michael Scott: If you ever need any help, I'm just a phone call away.
Jan: I bet you are.
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Jan: So sorry about this God-awful carpet, we are still a work in progress here.
Michael Scott: Well that's...
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Michael Scott: Check that out. Smell that?
Pam Beesly: Uh-huh.
Michael Scott: As you can smell there's a lot of different odors going on in here.
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Jan: How about we do the short tour and then I'll start dinner.
Pam Beesly: Oh, I can help starting dinner if you need it.
Jan: No, no its just the asabuko needs to braise for about 3 hours, everything else is done.
Pam Beesly: Three hours from now, or 3 hours from earlier, like 4 o'clock.
Jan: You know Pam, in Spain, they often don't even start eating until midnight.
Michael Scott: When in Rome...
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Jan: This, is my office.
Michael Scott: Yep. Never been used.
Jan: Not super exciting.
Michael Scott: No.
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Michael Scott: [Needing to find a place to stay] Jim? Pam?
Jim Halpert: Oh, my apartment's on fire.
Pam Beasley: [Whispers] Flooded.
Jim Halpert: Flooded.
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[from deleted scenes]
Michael Scott [to a sobbing Jen] Honey, nobody in the complex likes you, but you have made this place look great. You can't touch anything, which is really a strange way to feel at the place that you live. You have made this home a house.
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Jan: [Discussing the broken sliding glass door] It's actually a really cute story, do you wanna tell it babe? Or should I tell it?
Michael Scott: I don't like that story babe...
Jan: C'mon, it's a cute story! Michael ran through the sliding glass door because he thought he heard the ice cream truck. [laughing]
Michael Scott: Stop! Stop it! I mean..I like ice cream, okay, sue me. Ohh, nope, don't, I shouldn't say that jokingly because she will sue me. She loves to sue, she loves lawsuits. [laughing]
46 Comments in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons