Top Quotes First
Least Liked Quotes First
Earlier Quotes First
Recently Added First
Meredith: You know I once dated a couple guys from Cornell. They were really nice. They gave me a ride home.
Andy: I seriously doubt anyone from Cornell dated you.
Creed: It's pronounced colonel and it's the highest rank in the military.
Andy: It's pronounced Cor-nell! It's the highest rank in the Ivy League!
Michael Scott: Holly thinks that this relationship is over. Well, you know what? I am not going to give up that easy. I am going to make this way harder than it needs to be.
Andy: When the hour glass strikes three, then in the room wince employees confer.
Dwight Schrute: ...whhhat?
Andy: The conference room!
Michael Scott: Here's my wish. I want you to meet a great guy, and I want you to be happy.
[leans over and kisses Michael] Thank you.
Michael Scott: My wish has come true, incidentally. Because, you've met me, and you are happy.
[quietly] Clever, Mike.
Andy: If I had to put Dwight's chances into a percentage, I would say he has none percent chance.
[on the phone to Jim] Thanks. My costume's getting a lot of attention.
[talking head] So, apparently no one dresses up for Halloween here. I wish I'd known that before I used grease paint for my mustache. And I can't even take off my hat, because then I'm Hitler.
[walks into the office dressed as a beet farmer and whistling] I thought I'd come in casual today. Man I'm hungry. Anyone else feel like a beet?
Dwight Schrute: Where did you get those?
Andy: What these?
[tosses Dwight a beet] Bernard Farms. Best beets in the state.
Dwight Schrute: I see what you are doing. But I do not know where you're going with this.
Andy: Well you will. As soon as you visit my new beet farm.
[tries desperately to bite into a beet] You're supposed to cook these aren't you?
[scoffs] Cornell. [bites into a beet like an apple]
[to Dwight] Applicant has a head shaped like a trapezoid.
Michael Scott: Here we go, fourth time's the charm.
[Michael starts singing "Life is a Highway" and Holly starts to cry]
Michael Scott: Hey. You crying?
Michael Scott: Allergies?
Michael Scott: Did Darryl touch you?
Holly: No, Darryl did not touch me. Can we just keep going? Please?
Michael Scott: In like the last 10 years, I've dated almost 4 women, and you are so far above them, it is stupid.
Holly: Michael, no, don't make it harder than it has to be.
Michael Scott: Fine.
[whispering] That's what she said.
Dwight Schrute: So, uh, how do you think we're gonna do against Penn this year? Nathan Ford's arm looks pretty strong.
Andy: He's had a pretty good season so far...-- Stop saying "we." You did not go to Cornell, ok? You're just doing this so screw with me.
Dwight Schrute: Not so, Cornell is an excellent school. Without its agricultural we probably wouldn't have cabbage. At least not modern cabbage.
Andy: I know it's an excellent school, Dwight. I went there. My blood runs Big Red.
Dwight Schrute: Some day we'll get together in Comstock Hall and just laugh about all this.
[taps his water bottle with Andy's coffee mug]
[Andy pours his coffee into the sink
Holly: We've only been dating each other for a few weeks.
Michael Scott: Listen, to me. I like you so much--
Holly: I like you too.
Michael Scott: and I have dated almost four women in the last--
Holly: I-- I've dated four guys last year too.
Michael Scott: Not last-- No. In like the last ten years--
[to Phyllis and Stanley, who is not moving and wearing a mask] Wow, you guys look amazing. Stanley, I thought you hated Halloween.
Phyllis: Shh. He wears it so he can sleep at his desk. Who are you?
Kelly: Oh, I'm Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City.
Phyllis: I like your shoes.
Kelly: Thank you.
[camera pans to Kelly's really high heels] Will you help walk me to the fax machine?
[running over] I got her! I got her! I can help you! You look amazing.
Kelly: Inappropriate. Thank you. Who are you, Larry King?
Ryan: Gordon Gekko.
Kelly: Oh, from the insurance commercials.
Holly: It's been a weird week since we found out I had a transfer. Michael wanted me to quit and get some job here in Scranton and I said, well why don't you quit and get some job is Nashua and he said I asked you first! And I said 'first!' at the same time he did. And then I said 'jinx!' And then we never talked about it again and we haven't been back to the conversation so...
Andy: Who you supposed to be?
[points to "My Name Is..." badge] Dave.
Michael Scott: Okay, everybody, I am out of here. Jim, you are in charge.
Jim Halpert: Oh, I'll walk you out.
[grabbing coat and bag]
Michael Scott: Ah, you are quite the gentleman.
[outside] You can let people go a couple minutes early if you want.
Jim Halpert: Alright, we'll see.
[to camera, as Michael walks away] No. I am off to New York. My brother Pete from Boston and my brother Tom from Jersey are taking Pam and I out for lunch, to celebrate the engagement. Or maybe to beat me up. I can never tell with those two.
Pam Beesly: I asked Tom and Pete to come early so we could play a prank on Jim at lunch. Pretty awesome, right? I think they're into the idea. They're probably thinking, "that Pam Beesly, she's the coolest sister-in-law on the planet. She's the best! The absolute best."
[crazily] That's Big Red Bear! That's a bobble Big Red Bear!
Dwight Schrute: Andy, I've been meaning to ask you. Which a capella group should I join? The Harmoniacs? Or the Doh-Ray-Mee-gos?
[Creed walks into the office dressed as the Joker]
Oscar: Whoa! Awesome!
Creed: Let's put a smile on that FACE!
[Kevin stands up from behind his desk, also dressed as the Joker]
Kevin: Damn it, Creed! I've been up since four!
[as Michael is sobbing loudly to Holly in the truck cab]
[on the phone] Hey, wassup? Uh, just thought I'd try you. Thinkin' about that story where you run into the girl you used to babysit. Please call me back. Please.
Michael Scott: (crying to Holly) I'm not strong! I'll go back to Jan, and I hate Jan!
[aside, to cameras] They came up with that idea really fast [referring to Jim's brothers idea to make fun of Pam earning no money because she's an artist].