Kevin Quotes From The Office
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| Michael Scott: | Well. I'm not really one for making speeches. |
| Scattered: | Since when? / Yes you are. / You make a lot... |
| Michael Scott: | But I-- I feel pretty good right now. I really do. A lot better than I did earlier, let me tell you. |
| Angela: | That's your toast? |
| Michael Scott: | No. This is my toast. I think this whole thing with Sabre's going to work out. I have a very good feeling about it. |
| Phyllis: | Michael this isn't a toast you're just thinking out loud. |
| Michael Scott: | Here's my toast. Orange juice. [pointing to bottle] Is in here. And like Sabre, it is from Florida. And it is good. |
| Kevin: | Just 'cause you have liquid doesn't make it a toast. |
| Michael Scott: | Here's the toast! I'm gonna do it now. Raise, your container, to us, and to Sabre! |
| [everyone drinks] | |
| Michael Scott: | Mmmm. Wow that is metallicy. That's like drinking a battery. Really gets you in the fillings doesn't it. Wha--anyway, welcome. |
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| Kevin | [Interview] Look, I know it's easy to say tonight was just a fluke, and maybe it was. But here's a piece of trivia: A fluke is one of the most common fish in the sea, So if you go fishing for a fluke, chances are... you just might catch one. |
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| Kevin: | After Stacey left, it was... it did not go well for a while... and it was hard to see... It's just nice to win one. |
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| Kelly: | Or, if you're bored, you can just make up a name. Like one time, I said I was Mrs. Jones and [in British accent] I talked like this for the whole conversation. |
| Kevin: | Oooh Can I be Australian, mate? |
| Kelly: | [still in British accent] Absolutely. |
| Kevin: | [in Australian accent] Hello... mate. |
| Kelly: | I like ice cream. I need a boyfriend. |
| Kevin: | I like ice cream too, mate. Alligators. Dingo babies! |
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| Kevin: | Oh well. If they aren't together now, then they probably never will be. I thought they''d be good together. Like PB & J... Pam Beesly and Jim! What a waste! What. A. Waste. |
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| Roy: | Hey, Jimmy, what do you think about the purse girl? |
| Jim Halpert: | Cute, sure, yeah. |
| Roy: | Why don't you get on that? |
| Jim Halpert: | She's not really my type. |
| Roy: | What are you, gay? |
| Jim Halpert: | Mmm. I don't think so. No. |
| Kevin: | Well what is your type? |
| Jim Halpert: | Moms, primarily. Yep, soccer moms, single moms, NASCAR moms, any type of mom really. |
| Roy: | That's disgusting. |
| Kevin: | Stay away from my mom. |
| Jim Halpert: | Too late, Kev. |
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| Pam Beesly: | Hey Kevin. Jim needs to see you. |
| Kevin: | About what? |
| Pam Beesly: | He needs help, uh, balancing some travel receipts. |
| Kevin: | Are you sure he wants me? Because I have Oscar balance my travel receipts. |
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| Kevin: | As God as my witness, I will quit, if this is not fixed! |
| Pam Beesley: | Some of us like the walk more than others. |
| Kevin: | It hurts like hell. |
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| Kevin: | Ladies and gentleman. Even though the penis was fake, I kept expecting a second plot twist where we found out that Hilary Swank actually was a boy. |
| Pam Beesly: | Kevin! |
| Angela: | Ok. I wasn't going to dignify this discussion by getting involved, and I don't even get the discussion. Hot, is a temperature, people. But Kevin, deserves to lose for what he said. So, yes. She's hot. She's hot as heck. She's a female Boris Becker. |
| [everyone on the "hot" side claps] |
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| Oscar: | Do you risk telling him how you feel. Do you say something that you can barely admit to yourself. |
| Angela: | [sympathetically] Oh my God what did you do? Not that I approve of any of it but-- |
| Oscar: | I was stupid, I told him. |
| Kevin: | Was he into you in like a gay way? |
| Michael Scott: | Moron. If he was there wouldn't be a story. |
| Oscar: | He told me he wasn't gay. |
| Michael Scott: | Really sad. |
| Oscar: | I'm not done, yet. |
| Michael Scott: | Oh my God. |
| Oscar: | A week later, a friend of mine calls me up and he says, "I just saw him, in a gay bar in Kansas city." |
| Michael Scott: | Well then it's a happy ending because he was gay. You should call him. |