The Office Season 6 Quotes - Niagara

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46
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Jim Halpert: I bought the boat tickets the day I saw that YouTube video. I knew we'd need a backup plan. The boat was actually plan C. The church was plan B. And plan A was marring her a long, long time ago. Pretty much the day I met her.
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Dwight Schrute: Pam is constantly throwing up because of the pregnancy. If she eats something the fetus doesn't like, she is screwed. It's amazing: a three ounce fetus, is calling the shots! It's so bad ass.
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Jim Halpert: [Jim stands up to give the wedding speech] I just wanna say how happy we are, that all of you are here tonight. And I want to especially thank those of you who have travelled from far away to be here with us tonight. Especially the Florida cousins, who obviously can't take a hint. Four years ago, I was just a guy who had a crush on a girl, who had a boyfriend. And I had to do the hardest thing that I've ever had to do, which was just to... wait. Don't get me wrong, I flirted with her. Pam, I can now admit in front of friends and family, that I do know how to make a photocopy. Didn't need your help that many times. And, uh, do you remember how long it took you to teach me how to drive stick?
Pam Beesly: Like a year!
Jim Halpert: I've been driving stick since high school, so... For a really long time that's all I had. Little moments with a girl who saw me as a friend. And, a lot of people told me I was crazy to wait this long for a date with a girl I work with but I think, even then I knew that... I was waiting for my wife. So, I would like to propose a toast. So if you'd all raise your glasses-- not Pam for obvious reasons-- but everyone else, if you'd raise your glasses...
Nema: What's obvious? Why can't Pam drink?
Jim Halpert: Pam can't drink? I didn't-- I shouldn't have said that. I don't know why I did. She can do whatever she wants. Though she shouldn't. She shouldn't because she's an alcoholic. Pam is an alcoholic. That's not true. No. What... we wanted-- the real reason -- the real reason is that, um, that-- that Pam's pregnant and--
Michael Scott: [clears throat] Ok, ok, ok. Hey! What I think Jim is trying to say, is that... they had an accident. And you know what. These two people, they're living together. They are having lot of consensual sex.
Nema: They were living together!?
Michael Scott: Yes, yes! Yes, they were living together. And you know what, you can't expect them to be careful every time. Because frankly it's just a different sensation.
Jim Halpert: Michael.
Michael Scott: Well, am I wrong? They say it's not different but it's a different sensation. [over top of Jim] When you use, something, to block-- I think everyone knows what I'm talking about. It's not necessarily different for the woman. But it is different for
Pam Beesly: Michael. Stop.
Michael Scott: Alright! My point is, I said what I wanted to say and Nema I hope you heard every word. Jim.
Jim Halpert: [raises glass] To waiting.
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Toby: Hey Michael, I have an extra twin bed if you want.
Michael Scott: You are going to be sleeping by yourself for the rest of your life so you should just get used to it.
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[driving in Michael's car]
Michael Scott: We need some tunes, I think.
Dwight Schrute: You know what? I made you a cd.
Michael Scott: You did? That was nice of you.
Dwight Schrute: This is to play when you bring a woman back to your hotel room.
Michael Scott: Oh! Very thoughtful. A little mix to set the mood! Delightful, pop that in!
Recording: [Dwight in a low voice] Hello. My name is Dwight Schrute. If you are listening to this you are a lucky woman Michael has seduced. Ahh to be in your shoes. What's next, you're probably wondering. Don't be scared of your night in heaven...!
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Oscar: What are you doing?
Kevin: I'm trying to decide if I have time to pee.
Oscar: How long do you take to pee?
Kevin: The peeing is fast, Oscar. It's getting my tie back on.
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Pam Beesly: Hey my aunt told me something neat. She said, everything with the wedding goes by so fast, we should try to take mental pictures of the high points.
Jim Halpert: Oh wow, that's cool. [turns to Pam] Click! Oh you blinked! Dammit now that's in my brain forever.
Pam Beesly: Oh.
Jim Halpert: What a lousy picture.
Pam Beesly: We should've hired a professional to take the mental pictures.
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Pam Beesly: Hey hey! Where are you? Can you take Andy to the hospital?
Jim Halpert: What?
Pam Beesly: He tore his scrotum dancing.
Jim Halpert: What?
Pam Beesly: He is in my room icing his balls.
Jim Halpert: What?
Pam Beesly: Please stop saying what. Can you take him?
Jim Halpert: Look I would so take him in any other circumstance but I'm pretty certain I'm completely wasted.
Pam Beesly: Your brothers took you out drinking.
Michael Scott: Is that Pam? Hey! Have her come out! Have her come out! It will be like Coyote Ugly.
Pam Beesly: That's Michael. You're out with Michael!?
Jim Halpert: And Dwight. Pam it just happened.
Pam Beesly: Ok fine. I'll take him.
Jim Halpert: I love you! Ok I gotta go!
Pam Beesly: Are you pushing me off the phone?
Jim Halpert: No. Let's talk for a long time.
Pam Beesly: Good-bye. [hangs up]
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[as Michael is seuducing a woman at the bar]
Dwight Schrute: Michael, drop this one. Abort.
Michael Scott: Why?
Dwight Schrute: I found twins.
Michael Scott: Oh my God. [to the woman] Twins! I'm sorry, you understand. Nice to meet you!
[cut to Michael and Dwight staring across the room]
Dwight Schrute: Aren't they magnificent?
Michael Scott: They're men Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: I love finding a good set of twins.
Michael Scott: Something's wrongg with you.
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Kevin: What an awesome party. The best wedding I've ever been to. I got six numbers. One more, would've been a complete telephone number. [takes off tupae] This was epic. My Kleenex shoes was a huge conversation piece. But man, my dogs are barking! [sticks bare feet into the ice machine] Ooooh. My feet were so sweaty, I can't even feel the cold. What a lovely hotel.
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[standing outside of Michael's car decorated with "GOING TO A WEDDING"]
Michael Scott: Well, what do you think? Spent all morning doing it.
Jim Halpert: It is really special.
Pam Beesly: Yeah, but, aren't you supposed to do that to our-- [Jim shakes his head] No, it's great!
Michael Scott: It's just a really important day for me.
Jim Halpert: Well congrats. [shakes Michael's hand]
Michael Scott: Thanks.
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Dwight Schrute: I stole the guest list from Jim's desk. And I search engined every female on both sides of the family.
Michael Scott: Get out of here. Oh. My. God.
Dwight Schrute: For instance, Pam's cousin... Jocelyn Webster [holds up Facebook profile printout]
Michael Scott: There's a name!
Dwight Schrute: Two years ago, she was selling a mountain bike.
Michael Scott: Oh, well, tell me about Jocelyn. What's she like?
Dwight Schrute: She's really into mountain biking but not so much lately.
Michael Scott: Ok...
Dwight Schrute: She had a couple hundred dollars to spend. I mean, if she was able to sell her bike.
Michael Scott: Is that all you have on her?
Dwight Schrute: Well this isn't in fact her, because it's a very common name.
Michael Scott: Ok. You're an idiot.
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14
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Pam Beesly: Can we take a look at the suite now?
Employee: Oh I'm sorry, somebody just checked in.
Pam Beesly: Oh is there another wedding at the hotel this weekend?
Employee: Oh no, just an individual. That man there. [points to Andy]
Andy: Hey! I got the room the night before you guys. I'll break in the bed!
Jim Halpert: I don't like that.
Pam Beesly: I'm gonna need the name and cell phone number of the housekeeper responsible for changing the sheets, please.
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13
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Michael Scott: It's after midnight! You're married!
Dwight Schrute: He's married!!
Jim Halpert: That's not how that works.
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12
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Michael Scott: Hey guys! Hey, can I stay in your room tonight?
Erin: Oh gross.
Kelly: Blow my brains out.
Michael Scott: That's--rude.
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12
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[Dwight's wearing a t-shirt with wolves howling at the moon]
Michael Scott: What are you wearing?
Dwight Schrute: What? It's a casual, social outfit.
Michael Scott: It looks like you're going to fish fry Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: No, they're howling at the moon. It's suggestive to women. Because of howling during sex.
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Michael Scott: They asked for cash but, you know, I give them cash every week. So, how much cash does a person need? I have taken it on myself to do something a little more special. I have painted a portrait of the two of them, from memory. And I have another one of them in the nude. But that one is for me.
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12
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Stanley: Anyone have anything they want to trade for a toaster?
Kevin: Does it have slots of hotdogs?
Stanley: No.
Kevin: Who would want it?
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11
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Michael Scott: Mema, I think you just need to chill out about this whole Pam getting pregnant thing. It's not 1890 anymore.
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10
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[Jim and Pam's Wedding Instructions on the whiteboard]
DO'S: Have a good time, dance when it's appropriate, eat dinner.
DON'TS: Make a big scene, cry, take to our family (VERY BUSY!), firecrackers.
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Andy: Hey do one of you guys wanna sit up front with me so I have someone to talk to? It's like a five hour drive-ish. You know.
Kelly: No this is so much cooler. We feel like we're in a limo and you're our driver.
Andy: Mmmm.... Erin?
Erin: Oh no that wouldn't be fair to leave Kelly alone in the back.
[cut to later and Erin and Kelly are both asleep]
Andy: Not only is Erin really sweet and cute. She smells like my mom.
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Pam Beesly: Oscar, Kevin, this is my sister Penny. She's also my maid of honor.
Oscar: Pleased to meet you.
Penny: I'm sorry, it's Kevin? I thought it was Gill.
Kevin: She thought I was your boyfriend!
Oscar: You thought I was dating this? What the hell is wrong with you?
Pam Beesly: Oscar it was an honest mistake.
Oscar: Him!? Him.
Kevin: Oscar. I would be proud to date you.
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10
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Michael Scott: That was a little touch-and-go at first, but we saved it, I believe.
Jim Halpert: I can't believe it was me.
Michael Scott: I know. I can't believe it was you, either. I actually think it takes a lot of pressure off of me.
Jim Halpert: Is there something about being a manager that makes you say stupid things?
Michael Scott: I have not found that to be the case.
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9
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Manager: Mr. Malone, your shoes are gone.
Kevin: They were stolen!?
Manager: No, destroyed. When the bag was opened by our shoe shine, the smell overcame him. I too smelled them and made the choice that they must be thrown away. Incinerated actually.
Kevin: But that was my only pair of shoes.
Manager: It became a safety issue sir.
Employee: I can offer you a complimentary breakfast.
Kevin: Ok.
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9
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Michael Scott: Oh my God Dwight! This room is a pit!
Dwight Schrute: Really? Hadn't noticed. Too busy knockin' boots.
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8
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Michael Scott: Who is that one?
Dwight Schrute: [looking through binder] Isabel Horiba. Oh I got stuff on her. [seriously] In 1996, her tenth grade volleyball team went 10 and 2.
Michael Scott: What am I supposed to do with that, Dwight?
Dwight Schrute: It's a very good record.
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8
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Jim Halpert: Alright, hey everyone, thank you for coming.
Pete: [coughs] Douche!
Jim Halpert: Aw thanks Pete that was really nice.
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8
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Michael Scott: I am actually great with old women. In fact, for the longest time my best friend was my grandmother. And then she met Harriet. And now she thinks she better than everybody.
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8
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Michael Scott: You're not going to be able to talk back.
Dwight Schrute: You'll have Pam to answer to.
Michael Scott: She'll be sitting at home saying, Jimm take the baby to the zoo cause I want to sit at home and eat bonbons. And clip my toenails!
Dwight Schrute: Jimm, hey why don't you braid my hair? I wanna watch tv.
Michael Scott: No you sound like Kermit.
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7
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Andy: Par-tay! Room 639.
Kevin: Yes!
Andy: Chicks are gonna be off the hook. Guys too, Oscar! Like Calvin Klein models.
Kevin: That sounds epic. Can we bring anything?
Andy: Nothin'. Except for forty dollars for beer, and any hot chicks you know. Because that would help me deliver on some promises I made. Woo!
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7
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Andy: I was dancing and I did a split and I landed on the car keys in my pocket.
Pam Beesly: What?
Andy: I tore my scrotum. I need you to take me to the hospital.
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7
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Erin: If you want to sit on this, I was thinking the wood might be too hard on your damaged penis. Make it softer.
Andy: It's my scrotum. And it was, thank you.
Erin: Sure.
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6
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Pam Beesly: All of these are important to remember but the most important thing is that no one say anything about my pregnancy at the wedding.
Jim Halpert: Absolutely. Because not everyone knows and some people might be offended.
Angela: Decent people everywhere will get offended.
Pam Beesly: Well we're thinking of my grandmother, who we haven't told and who is very old-fashioned.
Angela: Well, you're lucky to have a grandmother. Some of us have to be our own grandmother.
Pam Beesly: You know Angela, um, you don't have to come to the wedding.
Michael Scott: Yes she does! Yes she does. We're all gonna go and we're gonna have a good time! [reaches over to Angela]
Angela: Ow! He pinched me!
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6
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Nema: I should've known. The hotel's television set had a movie on called Bruno last night. The remote control had so darn many buttons on it I couldn't turn it off. So I had to just sit there while it happened to me. I wondered, how could they pick such a hotel. Hmph. Now I know.
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6
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Dwight Schrute: I invented a decide, called Burger on the Go. It allows you to obtain six regular sized hamburgers, or twelve sliders, from a horse without killing the animal. George Foreman is still considering it, Sharper Image is still considering it, SkyMall is still considering it, Hammacher Schlemmer is still considering it. Sears said no.
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4
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Ryan Howard: [trying to pick up a woman] I was the youngest VP, in company history--
Meredith: More recently, he worked in a bowling alley. Tell her one of your bowling alley stories!
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4
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Andy: No one from the office has been to a real Bernard throw down! If I was a girl I would seriously reconsider coming to this party. But don't tell them that I said that because I want them there!
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4
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Angela: And where do you think you're going?
Pam Beesly: I was just going to go down to the hotel bar for a little bit.
Angela: Well why don't I just save you some time and kick you in the stomach instead?
Pam Beesly: I just wanted to get out of my room for a little bit.
Angela: Mmhmm. Ok. I'll go with you. Come on!
Pam Beesly: Ah never mind.
Angela: Are you sure?
Pam Beesly: Yep.
Angela: Could be fun!
Pam Beesly: No.
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Michael Scott: Hey. Hi. Would you have a snack in your purse? You're a mom, I just figured you might have one.
Pam's Mom: Ah, yeah.
Michael Scott: Oh! Ew, apricot. Do you have any of the very berry or ocean splash?
Pam's Mom: No.
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Meredith: What is the etiquette of taking gifts? Can you only take your own back? Or is it a whatever you can carry type of thing.
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Jim Halpert: [answers cell phone] Hey.
Pam Beasley: Can you come here please.
Jim Halpert: Is this allowed??
Pam Beasley: No, no but I’m allowing it. Just come here.
Jim Halpert: [Jim enters bride's room] Hey. Wow, you look...
Pam Beasley: Terrible.
Jim Halpert: So beautiful. [Pam starts crying] Hey.
Pam Beasley: My veil tore. I knew when we were getting married and I’m five months pregnant that I’m not going to be able to wear the dress I always wanted or high heels.
Jim Halpert: Hey, you look just as I imagined you. Pam, you’re so pretty.
Pam Beasley: Thank you.
Jim Halpert: And who cares, it’s a stupid veil right?
Pam Beasley: No, this was the one thing I supposed to be able to control was this veil…
Jim Halpert: [Jim cuts off the bottom half of his tie] There…now we’re even.
Pam Beasley: [Pam smiles and take a mental picture. Jim and Pam kiss] Everyone’s driving me crazy. I know way too much about Andy’s scrotum. And my mom won’t stop freaking out about my dad’s new girlfriend. This is supposed to our wedding day. Why did we invite all these people??
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Michael Scott: Meemaw?
Meemaw: You're that foul man that kept talking about intercourse.
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Pam Beasley: [to Jim] Are you pushing me off the phone?!?
Jim Halpert: No, let's talk for a long time!
18 Comments in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons