The Office Season 3 Quotes - Initiation
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| Dwight Schrute: | Brain teaser. I have two coins totaling 15 cents. One of them is not a nickel. What are they? |
| Ryan: | A dime and a nickel. |
| Dwight Schrute: | ...No I said one of them is not a nickel- |
| Ryan: | But the other one is, I've heard that before. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Okay. A man and a son get into a car accident, they're rushed to the hospital. Doctor says, 'there's no way I can operate on this boy-- |
| Ryan: | Because he's my son. The doctor is the boy's mother. |
| Dwight Schrute: | A man is found hanging from the ceiling- |
| Ryan: | He stepped on a block of ice, hung himself and the ice melted. |
| Dwight Schrute: | A hunter- |
| Ryan: | It's a polar bear because you're at the North Pole. |
| Dwight Schrute: | DAMMIT! |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Final question, young Ryan Howard. What is Michael Scott's greatest fear? |
| Ryan: | Um, lonliness. Maybe women. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Wrong... he's not afraid of anything. Also, I would have accepted snakes. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | And just as you have planted your seed in the ground, I am going to plant my seed, in you. |
| Ryan: | I don't think you know what you're saying. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Smells pretty bad doesn't it? |
| Ryan: | Uh huh. |
| Dwight Schrute: | It's called bull-crap. And a client can smell it from a mile away. |
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| [on phone] | |
| Pam Beesly: | What time is it there? |
| Jim Halpert: | 'What time is it here?' Um, we're in the same timezone. |
| Pam Beesly: | Ah, yeah, right. |
| Jim Halpert: | How far away did you think we were? |
| Pam Beesly: | I donno. It felt far. |
| Jim Halpert: | Yeah.. |
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| Ryan: | What was that? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Pay no attention to the spirits that haunt this hallowed ground. |
| Ryan: | Is that your cousin Mose? |
| Dwight Schrute: | ...Yes. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Michael always says, 'K-I-S-S, keep it simple, stupid.' Great advice, hurts my feelings every time. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | What is the greatest danger facing Dunder Mifflin? |
| Ryan: | Outsourcing and consolidation of competition. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Wrong. Flash floods. What is the true cause of Robert Mifflin's suicide. |
| Ryan: | Depression? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Wrong. He hated himself. What is the DHARMA Initiative? |
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| Pam Beesly: | It's weird. Jan used to treat Michael like he was a ten-year-old, but lately, it's like he's five. |
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| Andy: | Hey Big Tuna, can I talk to you about something? |
| Jim Halpert: | Yeah sure. |
| Andy: | [pause] Can you stand up and talk to me over there? |
| Karen: | That's it? |
| Andy: | I am acting my heart out up here. |
| Karen: | That's all you could come up with? |
| Andy: | You asked for my help! |
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| Jim Halpert: | I have a question for you. |
| Pam Beesly: | What? |
| Jim Halpert: | How many words per minute does the average person type? |
| Pam Beesly: | I type ninety. |
| Jim Halpert: | Shut up. Mavis Beacon doesn't even type ninety. |
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| Michael Scott: | Phyllis, Stanley, I want you to switch desks, I am going to reorganize and restructure the physical layout of the office to maximize everything! I think we're getting a lot done, don't you? On paper, at least, and we are afterall a paper company, are we not? Are we not? Are we not? Are you with me? Are you with me? Thank you very much. |
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| Pam Beesly: | Once a year they bring in a little cart and they give away free pretzels. It's really not a big deal. [pause] To some people it is. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Mose is my cousin, and he lives here. He will always be my best friend. Unless things go well with Ryan today in which case I won't hang out with Mose so much anymore. |
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| Michael Scott: | Never, ever sleep with your boss. I am so lucky that Jan and I only got to second base. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | I am very excited. Ryan hasn't made a sale yet. But more importantly, he hasn't made an ally. Is he gonna be a slacker, loser wise-ass like Jim was? Or is he gonna join the Dwight army of champions? |
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| Ryan: | They really didn't like me. |
| Dwight Schrute: | They did not. They didn't have to say it to your face. |
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| Michael Scott: | Hey, what time is it? |
| Pam Beesly: | Twenty past five. |
| Michael Scott: | A.M. or P.M.? |
| Pam Beesly: | P.M. |
| Michael Scott: | Oh good. |
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| Michael Scott: | Yeah, nothing. How was your day? |
| Jan: | I don't care how your day was, Michael. |
| Michael Scott: | Pfffft. Well. Okay, I don't care how your day was either, Jan. I was just asking you because you asked me. Why do you set me up-- |
| Jan: | Tell me what you did yesterday. |
| Micheal Scott: | I worked. And then I went home to my condo, and Carol came over, and we, had, sex. That what you wanna hear? |
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