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Bye, bye, Miss Chair Model Lady / I dreamt that we were married and you treated me nice / We had lots of kids / Drinking whiskey and rye / Why'd you have to go off and die? / Why'd you have to go off and die...
Pam, when I first opened this catalog, I thought I was just going to be picking out a chair.
But you found something to distract you from ever picking out a chair.
[cut to Pam's talking head]
Michael started the process of picking out a new chair about three weeks ago. And normally I wouldn't care, but he promised me his old one. It's way better. It's once of these [shrinks down in her chair] pshhhhoo. I really want it.
What is it like being single? I like it! I like starting each day with a sense of possibility. And I'm optimistic, because everyday I get a little more desperate. And desperate situations yield the quickest results.
Did I do this for me? No. I did this, for the little guy. For Joe six pack. The guy who wakes up every morning in his four hundred dollar a month apartment, wonders how he's gonna pay his mortgage that month. Wonders how he's gonna fill his car up, with oil. Wonders how am I gonna pay my kids' orphanage bills. That guy, shouldn't have to wonder where he's gonna park.
The five families are the five companies of Scranton Business Park. The bosses rarely meet. There's Michael Scott, regional manager of Dunder-Mifflin; Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration; Paul Faust of Disaster Kits Limited, they call him Cool Guy Paul; W.B. Jones of W.B. Jones Heating and Air, grade A badass; and Bill Cress of Cress Tool and Die, Bill Cress is super old and really mean.
The furniture company gave me the name of the advertising agency. They gave me the name of the photographer. The photographer, a Spaniard, used the Wilkes Barre Modeling Agency. The agency gave me the following information: Debra Shoshlefski, 142 South Windsor Lane. Dead. Car accident. Case closed.
I am ready to start dating again. Getting back on the market. So, FYI, for those of you who are thinking about fixing me up, with any of your friends, use the woman on page 85 as a template! That will be all.
Now ok, I know that this is probably now "appropriate." But I need help. Because I want to play ball with my kids, before I get too old. And before that happens, I need to get laid. And, before that happens I need to be in love. And I don't wanna hear, "oooh I can't help euhh." No. No. I'm a catch. And I am not going to be the one who got away. So this is what we're going to do. Dwight is going to hand out index cards, and I want you all to write down the name of an eligible woman for me to date. By the end of the day. No. By the end of the hour. Or you are fired.
Gentlemen, please. We called this meeting. Andy Bernard, is the name of me. And this is my associate Mr. Kevin Malone.
Alright. What do you want?
Well first of all, I'd just like to say what an honor it is to be sitting here with you gentlemen.
You have about ten seconds.
We want our parking spaces back!
Whose parking spaces?
W.B. Jones's construction guys park in our parking spaces every morning, and some people have to park really far away and walk all the way to the office, and some people sweat too much for comfort and--
I don't have time for this guys. Just give 'em back their spaces.
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