I have been Michael's number two guy for about five years, and we make a great team. We're like one of those classic famous teams. He's like Mozart and I'm like Mozart's friend. No, I'm like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart, you're gonna get a bullet in your head, courtesy of Butch Cassidy.
The thing about Jim is... when he's excited about something- like the Office Olympics- he gets really into it and he does a really great job. But the problem with Jim is that he works here so... that hardly ever happens.
Actually, I do own property. My grandfather left me a sixty-acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin, Mose. We sell beets to locals stores and restaurants... it's a pretty nice little farm. [pause] Sometimes teenagers use it for sex.
Where are all the hot people? I was told that there would be all these attractive singles.
Who told you that?
As far as I can tell, I'm the best looking person here. [later] There's a basic principle in real estate that you should never be the best-looking person in the development. It's just historic common sense because if you are, then you have no place to go but to go down.
Thank God. It was nice of him to offer, but I live in a nine bedroom farmhouse. I have my own crossbow range. It's the perfect situation for me. Although two bathrooms would have been nice. We just have the one... and it's under the porch.
This, my friends, is the master bedroom. Check out the cathedral ceilings. Those are like seventeen feet high. We have cable readiness. Right there. I am going to totally pimp this place out. I am going to put a surround sound system. I am going to put a plasma screen right against this wall.
Oh. Terrible idea.
I'm putting my bed right over here.
No, no, no, no, no. This is a shared wall. Neighbor throws his wife into the wall, plasma screen hits the floor. Totally smashed.
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