Random Quotes from The Office
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| Michael Scott: | [putting his shoes back on, talking to the camera crew] Well, I guess this is it. Hey will you guys let me know if this ever airs? Thank you. |
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| Jim Halpert: | I think it's great that the company's making a commercial. Because, not many people have heard of us. I mean when I tell people I work at Dunder Mifflin, they think that we sell mufflers. Or muffins. Or... mittens. And frankly all those sound better than paper so, I let it slide. |
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| Michael Scott: | Okay, so let's dish. |
| Pam Beasley: | What do wanna dish about? |
| Michael Scott: | Anything you guys want, this is your time. [long pause] What is a pap smear? Or is it 'schmear' like the cream cheese? |
| Pam Beasley: | Okay, new topic. |
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| Pam Beesly | [to camera] I recently met Sue, the office administrator at Vance Refrigeration. She has this awesome wall full of fun initiatives and morale boosters and stuff. Sue just goes for it, she's awesome. |
| Phyllis | [to camera] I know Sue. She's not that great. And you know her husband's in a wheelchair, right? |
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| Dwight Schrute: | A thirty year mortgage at Michael's age essentially means that he's buying a coffin. If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls... so you couldn't hear the other dead people. |
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| Jim Halpert: | So... we got Kev some stuff. Um, party pack of M&Ms, his favorite candy. A DVD of American Pie 2, which is his favorite movie, and he lent it to Creed so I can guarantee he won't get that back. |
| Pam Beasley: | 69 Cup-of-Noodles. |
| Jim Halpert: | Which we realize sounds crass, but it is his favorite number. |
| Pam Beasley: | And his favorite lunch. |
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| Todd Packer: | Where's Michael Snot? Sniffing some dude's thong? Probably. |
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| Holly: | Hey, Oscar. Who's that woman in Michael's office with the feet? [Camera shoots over to Michael massaging Jan's feet] |
| Oscar: | Oh, that's his ex. |
| Holly: | Oh, she's very beautiful. |
| Oscar: | Yes, and clinically insane. |
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| Phyllis: | Oh I don't think it's blackmail. Angela just does what I ask her to do so I won't tell everyone that she's cheating on Andy with Dwight. I think for it to be blackmail, it would have to a formal letter. |
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| Pam Beesly: | It's getting kind of rowdy down there. |
| Jim Halpert: | Yeah, 'Darryl! Darryl! Darryl!' |
| Pam Beesly: | Sometimes I just don't get Roy... I mean I donno... so... what's it like dating a cheerleader? |
| Jim Halpert: | Well... um. |
| [awkward silence] |
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| Phyllis: | [over the speakerphone] Hi, are there any local companies that rent anti-gravity machines? |
| Woman: | Anti-gravity machines? |
| Phyllis: | That's right, yeah. |
| Woman: | What do they do exactly? |
| Phyllis: | They make you feel lighter. |
| Woman: | [looking it up] Anti-gravity... um... anti-depressant? I could put you through to someone on that? |
| Phyllis: | [pause] Okay. |
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| [Kelly hangs up after an argument over the phone] | |
| Dwight Shrute: | Man! White people, right? |
| Kelly: | I don't know if she was white. |
| Dwight Shrute: | Well you can kind of tell from their voice. |
| Kelly: | Yeah. |
| Dwight Shrute: | I bet you get pulled over by the cops a lot because of your race. |
| Kelly: | Well they say it's because of texting but, maybe you're right. |
| Dwight Shrute: | I think you should consider applying for the executive minority training program. |
| Kelly: | I never thought of myself as an executive before. |
| Dwight Shrute: | I know because you have no role models! How many Indian CEOs can you think of? |
| Kelly: | I can't think of any CEOs. Any race. |
| Dwight Shrute: | You could be the Indian Bill Gates. You could be the Indian... Ted Turner. |
| Kelly: | I could be the Indian Julia Roberts. |
| Dwight Shrute: | That's not... [sighs] she's... OK. Yes. |