Posted: 2571 Quotes from The Office
Random Quotes from The Office
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| Michael Scott: | Olympics of suffering right here! Slavery versus the Holocaust, c'mon! |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Welcome to the Hotel Hell. Check-in time in now, check-out time is never. |
| Jim Halpert: | Does my room have cable? |
| Dwight Schrute: | No. And the sheets are made of fire. |
| Jim Halpert: | Can I change rooms? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Sorry we're all booked up. Hell convention in town. |
| Jim Halpert: | Can I have a late check-out? |
| Dwight Schrute: | I'll have to talk to the manager. |
| Jim Halpert: | You're not the manager, even in your own fantasy? |
| Dwight Schrute: | I'm the owner.. the co-owner. With Satan! |
| Jim Halpert: | Okay, just so I understand it. In your wildest fantasy, you are in hell and you are co-running a bed and breakfast with the devil. |
| Dwight Schrute: | But I haven't told you my salary yet. |
| Jim Halpert: | Go. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Eighty thousand dollars. |
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| Michael Scott: | I miss the feeling of knowing you did a good job beacuse someone gives you proof of it. 'Sir, you're awesome, let me give you a plaque! What? A whole year has gone by? You need more proof? Here is a certificate.' They stopped making plaques that year. |
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| Michael Scott: | Nobody likes beets, Dwight. You should grow something everybody does like. You should grow candy. |
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| Ryan: | [off screen] I wish my iPod could make phone calls. No I don't want an iPhone I know what an iPhone is. |
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| Andy: | Five of us transfered from Stamford. There's two of us left. Me and Karen. It's like we're touring Willy Wonka's chocolate factory and dropping off one by one. Well guess what. I'm not falling in a chocolate river. |
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| Pam Beesly: | Angela made several 911 calls about cars going too fast in front of the building. So the police put up a radar gun. It's actually caused a bit of a traffic hazard. |
| Dwight Schrute: | [running] AHHHHH!!! |
| Phylis: | Wow! Thirteen! [breaking Michael's previous record of 12] |
| Michael Scott: | No, no. There was wind. |
| Dwight Schrute: | I was just jogging. |
| Michael Scott: | Dwight, there was wind. I want a do-over. |
| Jim Halpert: | No. It's not your turn. Okay, thirteen is the new number. Oscar go ahead. [Oscar is preparing to run] |
| Michael Scott | I want another try. Here we go. [Michael starts running just as a car drives by] Thirty-one! Thirty-one! |
| Stanley: | That was the car. |
| Michael Scott: | I was ahead of the car. Thirty-one is my new number. |
| Oscar: | Thirty-one is humanly impossible. |
| Michael Scott: | Go, Oscar. Thirty-one is my new number. |
| Oscar: | That's impossible. |
| Michael Scott: | Beat it! |
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| Karen: | I am the regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Utica branch. Turns out it's a pretty easy gig when your boss isn't an idiot and your boyfriend's not in love with someboy else. |
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| [during safety training] | |
| Toby: | One thing you're going to want to look out for is carpal tunnel syndrome, so it's recommanded that you take a ten minute break from typing every hour. For your circulation, um, you're gonna wanna get up out of your chairs and move around about ten minutes every hour. |
| Michael Scott: | Yes. Good. Fine. Like stretching. |
| Toby: | Um, yeah. Your computer screen can be a big strain on your eyes, so it's also recommanded that you step away for about 10 minutes every hour. |
| Michael Scott: | Wow. That time really adds up. Like a half an hour every hour? |
| Darry: | Take them at the same time! |
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| Kevin: | The five families are the five companies of Scranton Business Park. The bosses rarely meet. There's Michael Scott, regional manager of Dunder-Mifflin; Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration; Paul Faust of Disaster Kits Limited, they call him Cool Guy Paul; W.B. Jones of W.B. Jones Heating and Air, grade A badass; and Bill Cress of Cress Tool and Die, Bill Cress is super old and really mean. |
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| Jim Halpert: | Hey, uh, can I talk to you about something? |
| Pam Beesly: | About what, when you want to give me more of your money? We can go inside, feelin' kinda good tonight. |
| Jim Halpert: | I was just... I'm in love with you. |
| Pam Beesly: | What? |
| Jim Halpert: | I'm really sorry if that's weird for you to hear, but I just needed you to hear it. Probably not good timing, I know that, I just... |
| Pam Beesly: | What are you doing? What do you expect me to say to that? |
| Jim Halpert: | I just needed you to know. Once. |
| Pam Beesly: | Well I, I... I can't... |
| Jim Halpert: | Yeah... |
| Pam Beesly: | You have no idea-- |
| Jim Halpert: | Don't do that. |
| Pam Beesly: | --what your friendship means to me |
| Jim Halpert: | Common. I don't want to do that. I want to be more than that. |
| Pam Beesly: | I can't. I'm really sorry... if you misinterpreted things. It's probably my fault. |
| Jim Halpert: | Not your fault. I'm sorry I misinterpreted our friendship. |
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| Jim Halpert: | And... [taking a plain ice cream cake out of the freezer] Ta da. |
| Kelly: | I hate it. |
| Jim Halpert: | How do you hate it? It's a cake. |
| Kelly: | Well, there's no flowers or toys or-- I mean there's nothing on it. Where did you even find a cake like this? I mean it doesn't even have my name on it! Do you guys know what my name is? My name is Kelly! |
| Jim Halpert: | Right. |
| [quickly cut to talking head] | |
| Jim Halpert: | I forgot if there was an e between the l and the y... I still don't know. |
| Kelly: | I mean I don't even know what the theme is! What's the theme! |
| Jim and Dwight: | [long pause] Birthday / frosting. |
| Kelly: | Those aren't, themes. [defeated] There's always a theme. [walks away] |
| Phyllis: | [unimpressed] There's always a theme. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Nice job on the cake, bozo. |
| Jim Halpert: | Ok you know what! Next time YOU get the cake and I get to scream at the birthday girl! |
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