Random Quotes from The Office

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Jim Halpert: I am not kidding. [opens box revealing engagement ring] Got it a week after we started dating.
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Pam Beesly: Michael? It's Jan on the phone for you.
Michael Scott: No, no, no. Hang up. Hang up. Tell her I'm not here. Don't. Don't. I ran outta gas. Hit a deer. I hit- I hit a deer with my car. Don't! I hit a cat. Tell her I hit a cat.
Pam Beesly: He'll call you back.
Michael Scott: She bought it? Ok. Ok... [walks away]
Dwight Schrute: Michael hit a deer?
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Jim: Ow ow ow ow. You broke my hand.
Dwight: There is no way that hurt.
Jim: Really? Because she's pretty strong Dwight.
Dwight: Little girl, come over here. Shake my hand. Come on I don't have all day... I don't feel anything. Nothing. [to Jim] You are so weak.
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Kevin: [regarding bet about Kelly] Ryan, well done, two minutes forty-two seconds. Additionally, Pam, you win ten because she said 'awesome' twelve times. And Jim, you win five because she mentioned six romantic comedies.
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Michael Scott: Kind of a good news bad news there. I was able to be on the scene so quickly because I was in the car that hit her.
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Kevin: Hey Deangelo what do you think about bald people? I hate them.
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Michael Scott: [to Jan] They just don't get very much work done when I'm not here. That's not true. I know how to delegate, and they do more work when I''m not here. Not more... the same amount of work is done whether I am here or not... [to the office] Alright. Ciao. [points to Oscar] Adios!
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Michael Scott: So it wasn't Dwight after all. Looks like I'm the killer. You never expect that you're the killer. It's a great twist. Great twist.
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Michael Scott: Hey I just think you should know that one of my salemen beat your stupid computer. You take that, ass[beep]!
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Jim Halpert: I've been studying Michael for years and I've condensed what I've learned into this chart. [holds up pie chart] "How Michael Spends His Time." You can see we have "procrastinating," and "distracting others," and this tiny sliver here, is "critical thinking." I made it bigger. So that you could see it.
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Michael Scott: Well well well. How the turn tables-- [long silence]
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Ryan: Do you know if shes looking for something long-term or if she'd be cool just hangin' out?
Jim Halpert: I have no idea.
Ryan: Could ya find out?
Jim Halpert: ...Yeah. Sure.
[later]
Kelly: Oh, long-term definitely. Fall in love, have babies, spend every second together. But don't tell him that, okay? Just tell him I'm like up for anything, I mean I'm not a slut, but who knows?
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons