Random Quotes from The Office

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Doctor: Does the skin look red and swollen?
Dwight Schrute: That's what she said.
Michael Scott: That's my joke, damn it Dwight.
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Michael Scott: Last week I would've given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would've reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them. But now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask, so they can hear me say, 'Uh, no, I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney.'
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Michael Scott: Aren't you going to ask me how Jamaica was? Say it. Ask me.
Pam Beesly: How was Jamaica--
Michael Scott: It was so good!!
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Pam Beesly: The cake's really good.
Helene Oh I know! I love when they use buttercream frosting.
Michael Scott: Finish your cake, Helene. I want you to enjoy that cake. Because I have something terrible I need to tell you. And I want you to enjoy your cake before I tell you this terrible, terrible thing.
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Karen: Pam is kind of a bitch.
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Michael Scott: [Roy elbows Jim] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Foul. Naked aggression.
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Kelly I can see our kids facing obstacles being half black and half Indian, but its so worth it you guys.
Phyllis There's just me here
Kelly I'm gonna get him to buy me a prime rib tonight.
Phyllise I think he left
Kelly What?! [storms out]
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Michael Scott: Jim! Could you come in here please? [Jim walks into Michael's office, see's computer's face. Stops]
Harvey: Hi, Jim.
Jim Halpert: [surprised] Hello.
Harvey: I am Harvey, a computer. Jim sucks.
Michael Scott: [snorts with laughter] I'm sorry.
Jim Halpert: Zing.
Michael Scott: Oh, wow! That's so rude. I'm sorry, I can't control him.
Jim Halpert: Yeah, you can.
Michael Scott: You know what? Get Pam.
Jim Halpert: For this?
Michael Scott: PAM!
Harvey: [as Pam walks in] Pam, you look very hot today.
Michael Scott: [giggles]
Jim Halpert: Pam, meet Harvey. This is Michael's new friend.
Pam Beesly: Great.
Harvey: Me so horny, me love you long tim.
Michael Scott: Ah! Oohhh!
Jim Halpert: Woah . . .
Michael Scott: That is gross!
Pam Beesly: Who's Long Tim?
Michael Scott: Dammit.
Harvey: Long time. Me lobe yoy long time.
Jim Halpert: Ah, well, Yoy should bring Long Tim in one day.
Michael Scott: No . . .
Pam Beesly: I'd love to meet Long Tim.
Jim Halpert: Yeah, right?
Pam Beesly: Yeah.
Harvey: You ruined a funny joke you. Get out of my offive.
Jim Halpert: Ok.
Pam Beesly: Ok. Bye, Harvey!
Harvey: Boobs.
Michael Scott: [giggles]
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[from deleted scenes]
Dwight Schrute: On the high seas Captain Jack's the leader, on the land it's Michael. On the ramp up to the boat, I was a little conflicted.
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Pam He just had to wear his tux today.
Jim I thought it'd be funny.
Pam Took him 40 minutes to get ready.
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Dwight Schrute: I lied to Michael. I said that I would leave him alone but I will not. I will remain close by to provide unseen moral support. But I will never help him. I will let harm befall him. I will even, let him die. But I will never let him lose his dignity.
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Ryan: Do you love her, or do you love the idea of her.
Creed: I don't know man. I just don't know.
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons