Random Quotes from The Office

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Dwight Schrute: [cuts to head shot] Five times for thirty thousand dollars? Not a bad stud fee, better than most horses.
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Michael Scott: Jim and I are great friends. We hang out a ton, mostly at work...
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[watching Angela's Nanny Cam]
Kevin: This is getting weird.
Oscar: Is she cleaning the cat with her tonge?
Kevin: Owhhh...
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Dwight Schrute: Yes, a complete inability to pass gas, pervert. Ugh, yeah, it's tender. It can't be appendicitis, I eat more than enough bacon. Okay, what poison mimics the symptoms of appendicitis? Oh, you don't know? Hold on. [to Jim] What kind of poison did you use?
Jim Halpert: Dwight, I didn't poison you. I was kidding.
Dwight Schrute: Yeah, I'm gonna need an ambulance. Hold on, I have the address in my phone. [sees chart on screen] Hold on. Hold on one second. Quick question. Vice president, who is that? There's no name listed.
Nellie: Is there not? Maybe I'm just waiting for someone to wow me.
Emergency Operator: Sir? Sir, where should we send the ambulance?
Dwight Schrute: Send it to the frickin' moon, idiot.
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Dwight Shrute: Hey you know an exercise for two people that uses the whole body?
Donna: [chuckles] Yeah, I think I know what you're talking about.
Dwight Shrute: Tractor pull. Too bad there's not a tractor here.
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Pam Beesly: You do realize we can't have liquor at the party.
Michael Scott: Yeah, I know... damnit. Stupid corporate... wet blankets. Like booze ever killed anybody.
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Andy: Totally gonna slaughter at the weigh-in today.
Oscar: All I had this weekend to eat was a chicken breast and a case of Diet Coke.
Andy: Really? 'Cause I haven't eaten anything since noon on Friday.
Oscar: Ok.
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Michael Scott: Alright you know what? That's it. Conference room, five minutes. Women's appreciation.
Jim Halpert: Wait a second, how are you qualified for that?
Michael Scott: Oh, I donno, James, did I come from a women? Have I slept with a woman? More than one?
Dwight Schrute: Less than three.
Michael Scott: That is not current.
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Jan: Well, Michael, I guess I underestimated you.
Michael Scott: Well, Jan, maybe next time you should estimate me!
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Charles Miner: I need you to go over these client lists and indicate any wrong or false data.
Michael Scott: Your "I need you to" is my command.
Charles Miner: Ok.
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Dwight Schrute: Who's the father?
Pam Beesly: Jim.
Dwight Schrute: How far along?
Jim Halpert: Four months?
Creed: Who's the OB/GYN?
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Ryan: I don't wanna be married until everyone can be married.
Oscar: You know what Ryan? I talked to the other gay guys, and we're okay with it. We all agreed it's fine for you to get married.
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons