Random Quotes from The Office

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Michael Scott: You know what this is like? I'll tell you what this is like. This is like when freshmen throw a party and wouldn't let any of the seniors go.
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Dwight Shrute: Michael you were supposed to tell me when the leads came in!
Michael Scott: Well Bigshot, if you want to find your leads, go to the man who never breathes.
Dwight Shrute: [pauses] Kevin!
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Executive: Did you shout "fire," causing a panic?
Dwight Schrute: Yes I shouted fire. I shouted many things. I also shouted instructions on how to get out of the building so you can imagine my frustration, as safety officer, when nobody would heed of, would heeded, heeded of--
Michael Scott: Headed of--
Dwight Schrute: When no one would take headed of my instructions.
Michael Scott: Heed. Take heed.
Dwight Schrute: I don't see my co-workers--
Michael Scott: Take heed of--
Dwight Schrute: --heeding this. Right now.
Executive: Right what?
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Jim Halpert: Truce?
Pam Beesly: Yeah, I guess, since I won.
Jim Halpert: You did win. You did win. Anyway, I'm going to need three copies of each of these, stapled and collated. [starts walking away then turns and comes back] Totally kidding... [leans in close as if to kiss Pam] I'm going to need four. [kisses Pam]
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Michael Scott: [at the Moroccan Christmas party, to Kelly] Ahhh. So this is what every day would be like if you hadn't left India.
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Jim Halpert: Who would you do?
Kevin: Present company excluded?
Jim Halpert: Not necessarily...
Kevin: Pam.
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Michael Scott: [to Pam, upset in car] I thrive on negativity. In the seventh grade, my math teacher told me I was flunking. You know what? The next day I scored six goals for my hockey team. So there you go.
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Michael Scott: The old Michael Scott might have taken this but not the new Michael Scott. They are in, for a bitter surprise. I am not to be truffled with.
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Andy: What if we changed our outgoing answering machine message so it just has a little more zing and a little more pep.
Michael Scott: Zing and pep. See that's- those are the kind of words we're looking for. Yes Jim.
Jim Halpert: What about if we did an even newer voicemail message that had even more zing and pep.
Michael Scott: Now we're thinking. I like this.
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Dwight Schrute: Do you have the sharpie!
Michael Scott: Yes, I do!
Dwight Schrute: Ok. When the baby emerges, mark it secretly in a kind of a mark that only you could recognize and no baby snatcher could ever copy.
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Oscar: Guys, I drive an SUV. Does that mean I'm in the mob?
Dwight Schrute: No, not that by itself but look at all the facts. He seems like a mobster.
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Jim Halpert: Can we not?
Michael Scott: No, yes we have to, know why? Because I don't like to be cooped up in that office, in that box, all day long. Heisman!