Random Quotes from The Office

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Michael Scott: Hey, Stanley...
Stanley Hudson: Can't you see I'm urinating?
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Ryan: Let me say something. I know I used to be a temp here, but now everything's different, and I'd like your respect. I am your boss now, you're gonna have to treat me the same way you treated Jan.
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[after blowing out his candles]
Michael Scott: I asked for trick candles.
Dwight Schrute: Pam was supposed to get 'em.
Michael Scott: Ok. Well, when she comes back we'll do it again.
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Dwight Schrute: [yelling at Kelly] What did you learn in there? I bet you learned things, huh. Like how to fashion a shiv. Hmm?
Jim Halpert: Hey, what the hell's going on?
Dwight Schrute: Why don't you tell Jim where you were from age fourteen to fifteen.
Kelly: I was kickin' it.
Dwight Schrute: In juvie.
Jim Halpert: What?
Dwight Schrute: Juvie. Nile. Detention center. Where they send teenagers!
Jim Halpert: Yep.
Dwight Schrute: For re--
Jim Halpert: Got it.
Dwight Schrute: [to Kelly] What did you do?
Jim Halpert: Dwight? Sounds like she was fourteen so maybe you wanna go a little easy.
Dwight Schrute: If she's old enough to get married, she's old enough to follow the law. What did you do!
Kelly: My boyfriend dumped me. So I stole his boat. I mean he told me it was his boat it was actually his father's. I just thought it would be really romantic, like Thelma and Louise, but with like a boat. And it was, the worst year of my life and I can't believe that you guys are making me talk about this on my birthday!
Dwight Schrute: I thought you said yesterday was your birthday!
Jim Halpert: Hey! You know what? I... got you a cake!
Kelly: [happy all of a sudden] You did? I wanna see the cake.
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Robert California Dwight, the job is not right for you. Now, when something comes along that is right for you, I'll try you out. Now get the hell out of my place.
Dwight Schrute Yes.
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Michael Scott: [writes '13579 / 8724' on the blackboard] Just in case there's somebody down here who shouldn't be. A little Good Will Hunting situation.
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Pam Beesly: My dad spent the night at our place last night. My parents have been fighting for weeks and, it kinda sucks. Jim's been great. But I'm gonna have to buy my dad a robe.
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Call center boss: Are you quitting?
Michael Scott: [long pause] I am.
Call center boss: Come back any time, don't forget to disinfect your headset.
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Ryan: If I had to, I could clean out my desk in five seconds, and nobody would ever know I had ever been here. And I'd forget, too.
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Jim Last week Dwight sent out a memo about the dress code, so this is me showing him that I'm taking it very seriously.
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Michael Scott: What are you thinking?
David Wallace: It's a tough one.
Michael Scott: It is a tough one.
David Wallace: I don't have any ideas for you.
Michael Scott: Yeah. But one would be good.
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Pam Beesly ...Your keyboard has more bacteria per square inch than a toilet seat.
Kelly I hear your momma has more bacteria per square inch than a toilet seat!
Michael Scott Oh, that's true! I dated her momma, and you know wha--
Jim Halpert --Stop.
Michael Scott ...no, right.
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons