Random Quotes from The Office
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| Doctor: | Does the skin look red and swollen? |
| Dwight Schrute: | That's what she said. |
| Michael Scott: | That's my joke, damn it Dwight. |
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| Michael Scott: | Last week I would've given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would've reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them. But now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask, so they can hear me say, 'Uh, no, I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney.' |
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| Michael Scott: | Aren't you going to ask me how Jamaica was? Say it. Ask me. |
| Pam Beesly: | How was Jamaica-- |
| Michael Scott: | It was so good!! |
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| Pam Beesly: | The cake's really good. |
| Helene | Oh I know! I love when they use buttercream frosting. |
| Michael Scott: | Finish your cake, Helene. I want you to enjoy that cake. Because I have something terrible I need to tell you. And I want you to enjoy your cake before I tell you this terrible, terrible thing. |
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| Michael Scott: | [Roy elbows Jim] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Foul. Naked aggression. |
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| Kelly | I can see our kids facing obstacles being half black and half Indian, but its so worth it you guys. |
| Phyllis | There's just me here |
| Kelly | I'm gonna get him to buy me a prime rib tonight. |
| Phyllise | I think he left |
| Kelly | What?! [storms out] |
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| Michael Scott: | Jim! Could you come in here please? [Jim walks into Michael's office, see's computer's face. Stops] |
| Harvey: | Hi, Jim. |
| Jim Halpert: | [surprised] Hello. |
| Harvey: | I am Harvey, a computer. Jim sucks. |
| Michael Scott: | [snorts with laughter] I'm sorry. |
| Jim Halpert: | Zing. |
| Michael Scott: | Oh, wow! That's so rude. I'm sorry, I can't control him. |
| Jim Halpert: | Yeah, you can. |
| Michael Scott: | You know what? Get Pam. |
| Jim Halpert: | For this? |
| Michael Scott: | PAM! |
| Harvey: | [as Pam walks in] Pam, you look very hot today. |
| Michael Scott: | [giggles] |
| Jim Halpert: | Pam, meet Harvey. This is Michael's new friend. |
| Pam Beesly: | Great. |
| Harvey: | Me so horny, me love you long tim. |
| Michael Scott: | Ah! Oohhh! |
| Jim Halpert: | Woah . . . |
| Michael Scott: | That is gross! |
| Pam Beesly: | Who's Long Tim? |
| Michael Scott: | Dammit. |
| Harvey: | Long time. Me lobe yoy long time. |
| Jim Halpert: | Ah, well, Yoy should bring Long Tim in one day. |
| Michael Scott: | No . . . |
| Pam Beesly: | I'd love to meet Long Tim. |
| Jim Halpert: | Yeah, right? |
| Pam Beesly: | Yeah. |
| Harvey: | You ruined a funny joke you. Get out of my offive. |
| Jim Halpert: | Ok. |
| Pam Beesly: | Ok. Bye, Harvey! |
| Harvey: | Boobs. |
| Michael Scott: | [giggles] |
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| [from deleted scenes] | |
| Dwight Schrute: | On the high seas Captain Jack's the leader, on the land it's Michael. On the ramp up to the boat, I was a little conflicted. |
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| Pam | He just had to wear his tux today. |
| Jim | I thought it'd be funny. |
| Pam | Took him 40 minutes to get ready. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | I lied to Michael. I said that I would leave him alone but I will not. I will remain close by to provide unseen moral support. But I will never help him. I will let harm befall him. I will even, let him die. But I will never let him lose his dignity. |
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| Ryan: | Do you love her, or do you love the idea of her. |
| Creed: | I don't know man. I just don't know. |