The Office Season 5 Quotes - New Boss

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  • Conference Room (8 Comments)
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27
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Charles Miner What is a two way petting zoo?
Jim You pet the animals, they pet you back.
Micheal Scott It's a great idea.
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Micheal Scott Micheal Scott calling for David - Well, just tell him to call me asap as possible.
Dwight Oh Micheal, no, come on you have to charm em [Dials phone]
Receptionist David Wallace's office
Dwight: Hey there gorgeous, how are you doing today?
Receptionist I'm good thank you
Dwight How's it hanging?
Receptionist Alright..
Dwight Hey listen my name is Michael... Scotch. And I just wanted to say that I’ve got David Wallace’s son in the trunk of my car and if he doesn't get on this phone in 5 second-
Micheal Scott No no no you idiot what are you doing? God! Oh my God! [redials]
Micheal Scott Hi Stephanie It's Micheal Scott again, I just spoke with Micheal Scotch and the son is going to be returned, everything's fine, and I really really need to talk to David.
Charles Miner [Oh his cell phone, across the office] Charles Miner. Hello? Hello? Who's this?
Micheal Scott I was never given a name. [Hangs up]
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13
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Micheal Scott Listen why don't we just leave that position vacant? Truth be told, I think I thrive under a lack of accountability.
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13
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Pam I can tell Micheal's mood by which comedy routine he chooses to do. The more infantile, the more upset he is. And he just skipped the Ace Ventura talking butt thing. He never skips it. This is bad.
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Pam And then out of that cake pops another stripper holding a smaller cake and then an even smaller stripper pops out of that one.
Micheal Scott What is the smaller stripper holding?
Pam A cupcake.
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13
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Micheal Scott Do you even know how paper is made? Its not like steal. You don't put it into a furnace. If you put paper into a furnace do you know what would happen? You’d ruin it.
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Dwight Micheal, since it is your 15th anniversary at the company I thought it might be appropriate to begin the festivities with a 15 minute round of applause.
Micheal Scott: I like it
Dwight Followed by a 15 minute moment of silence
Jim I don't know. Is it classy enough?
Dwight Jim! Enough with he classy, ok?
Jim I just feel like after 15 years at this company, bravo by the way, that we should celebrate with a very classy event, a night to remember.
Micheal Scott I think you’re right, this party needs to have all the excitement, drama and intrigue of my time here.
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9
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Micheal Scott Suprise! As you can see, I turned the bagels from O's into C's for Charles.
Charles Miner Thank you.
Micheal Scott Took me all night.
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9
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Micheal Scott 15 years I’ve been here. And I’ve sacrificed a lot. And I’ve put having a family on hold, and I’ve never gone hand gliding, and I’ve never driven my car to the top of mount Washington.
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8
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Pam [on speakerphone] Micheal, there's a Charles Miner here to see you.
Micheal Scott Miner? I hardly know her!
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8
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Micheal Scott This little hell raiser is Angela. She has slept with a bunch of different guys in the office. Right over there.. In the orange [points to Andy]
Andy Heyy yoo!
Micheal Scott Hey yo! where's the other...
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8
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Micheal Scott Oh ok, if we hire Cirque du Soleil as salaried employees will that help us at the end of the year tax stuff?
[long silence]
Dwight I think he hung up..
David Wallace No..
[Silence]
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7
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Micheal Scott I just got off the phone with David Wallace and he says that you and I should get to know each other better, and I agree. So what I would like you to do is tell me something you’ve never told anybody before.
Charles Miner No.
Micheal Scott Come on, what’s your wife's name? Where did you work before you came here?
Charles Miner Sattacoy Steal.
Micheal Scott Beautiful. See African Americans have such a rich history of unusual names.
Charles Miner No, I worked at a company called Sattacoy Steal.
Micheal Scott You're not from paper?
Charles Miner No.
Micheal Scott Does David know this?
Charles Miner Yeah, he knows, he just wants a good manager.
Micheal Scott Oh well that actually is an excellent segway into really what is my only point. That is, I dont need to be managed, Charles. If you wanna pick up some tips and observe here for other branches and bring them there then that is all good. Jan would mostly come by when we she was super horny. And Ryan would come by when he would visit his parents and do laundry, so, are we clear?
Charles Miner That's not how I plan on doing this.
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7
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Kelly I can see our kids facing obstacles being half black and half Indian, but its so worth it you guys.
Phyllis There's just me here
Kelly I'm gonna get him to buy me a prime rib tonight.
Phyllise I think he left
Kelly What?! [storms out]
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7
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David Wallace Here's what I'm gonna do. We will move some money around, and I will personally see to it that you have your party, your figs, and I will be in attendance. It's gonna be great. How's that?
Micheal Scott I quit.
David Wallace What? Micheal!
Micheal Scott You have no idea how high I can fly.
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6
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Pam He just had to wear his tux today.
Jim I thought it'd be funny.
Pam Took him 40 minutes to get ready.
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6
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Charles Miner No it is not.
Micheal Scott No it is not.
Charles Miner Ok so we're on the same page, great.
Micheal Scott Ok so we're on the same page, great!
Charles Miner Ok Micheal.
Micheal Scott Ok Micheal
Charles Miner No seriously.
Micheal Scott No seriously.
Charles Miner How old are you?
Micheal Scott How old are you?
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6
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Jim And for my next trip, I will make my career disappear!
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5
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Jim Last week Dwight sent out a memo about the dress code, so this is me showing him that I'm taking it very seriously.
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5
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Micheal Scott I met this guy at corporate last week and we were just digging eachother's vibe. I was totally grooving on him and vice versa, and besides the last two people to have his job were Jan and Ryan. The former was my lover and the later my bf. So who knows? I do! It’s gonna be MENTAL! It’s going to be mental
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5
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Charles Miner Why are you wearing a tuxedo?
Jim I didn't think you’d notice.. It's funny actually there's another salesmen out here, he sent out this memo as he always does and it was about professionalism in the work place and of course he singled me out so I just had to mess with him.
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4
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Micheal Scott Surprise! There's nothing in here, the real surprise is in the conference room. Let's go!! [hits fist on door frame] ahh God! Come on!
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4
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Micheal Scott This is Oscar Martínez, he is Latino, and he just got out of a long term relationship with a man, Gil, who broke his heart but he didnt bring any of that into work, it did not affect his job performance whatsoever and I'm very proud of him
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4
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Kelly Should I seduce him?
Angela No, no one wants to see that.
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3
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Dwight Schrute: Oh, here's one: a string quartet, playing classy-cal music. [Jim grimaces]
Michael Scott: [watches Jim grimace, copies him] You know, that's good but it's not classy. I-I need something classy like the opening of a car dealership.
Jim Halpert: That's it. Or Mr. Peanut.
Michael Scott: Yes.
Dwight Schrute: Mr. Peanut is not classy.
Michael Scott: He is.
Dwight Schrute: He is a regular peanut. He just happens to have a cane, a monocle and a top hat.
Michael Scott: That's what makes him classy.
Dwight Schrute: Okay, how about this? An ice sculpture, shaped like you, covered in chocolate-covered strawberries.
Jim Halpert: Oh Dwight, you're trying too hard, and that's just not classy. You see, the thing about classy is it's a state of mind.
Dwight Schrute: Well, I'm sorry, I just don't know what classy is then.
Jim Halpert: Okay, well let's just try this one on for size. And I apologize because it's right off the top of my head: an ice sculpture. Of you. Completely surrounded by a variety of chocolate-covered fruits.
Michael Scott: Strawberries?
Jim Halpert: That's inspired.
Dwight Schrute: I said that! [storms out, slams door behind him]
Pam Beesly: Not classy.
Michael Scott: Not classy at all.
Jim Halpert: De classé.
Michael Scott: French. Classy.
8 Comments in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons