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Dwight Schrute: I saw Wedding Crashers, accidentally. I bought a ticket for Grizzly Man and went into the wrong theatre. After an hour I figured I was in the wrong theatre but I kept waiting. That's the thing about bear attacks, they come when you least expect it.
Michael Scott: Webster's Dictionary defines 'wedding' as 'the fusing of two metals with a hot torch.' Well you know something? I think you guys are two medals. Gold medals.
Michael Scott: Phyllis, did you break wind? It's okay, if you did. It's a very natural reaction. It's your wedding, you're nervous.
Phyllis: Mmm that wasn't me.
Michael Scott: Okay. Um. I'm sure that Bob... Wow. That is-- that is pungent. I lost my train of thought. Ahh.. are you set on that hairstyle?
Kelly: This was supposed to be your wedding.
Pam Beesly: Oh, um, no, that's um, that's actually fine.
Kelly: There's no way it's fine. I'm sorry, if I was you I would just like freak out and get really drunk and then tell someone I was pregnant.
Pam Beesly: Okay. That's a lot of good ideas, thanks.
Kelly: Could you scoot over? You're on my dress.
Meredith: I thought you're not supposed to wear white to a wedding.
Kelly: I know but there was an emergency.
[cut to interview]
Kelly: I look really good in white.
Dwight Schrute: The Schrutes have their own traditions. We usually marry standing in our own graves. Makes the funerals very romantic. But the weddings are a bleak affair.
Kevin: Uh, attention everyone, attention please. Uh, I'm supposed to ask if anyone has seen Uncle Al. He is old, has brown eyes and dementia. His family is very concerned. It's a very serious situation.
Michael Scott: Since I pay her salary, it is like I am paying for the wedding. Which I'm happy to do. It's a big day for Phyllis, but it's an even bigger day for me. Employer of the bride.
Pam Beesly: Phyllis ended up using the exact same invitations, as Roy and me. So it was kind of like being invited to my own wedding, and I was like, 'wait, I thought I called that off.'
[at Phyllis' wedding] Why are all these people here? There's too many people on this earth -- we need a new plague. Who are all these people!?
Kevin: No this is not our first wedding. This is the third wedding that Scrantonicity has played. We also played our bassist's wedding, and our guitarist's wedding.
Michael Scott: Always the bridesmaids right ladies?
Michael Scott: You might be surprised to learn that I've only been to one other wedding. It's actually a very cute story.
[Old home video of wedding plays]
Michael Scott: My mom was marrying Jeff, and they asked me to be ring bearer. And I was understandably emotional and somehow my pants became wet.
Young Michael: I hate you!
[Throws ring bearer pillow and runs away]
Michael Scott: A long story short, Jeff's dog ended up as ring bearer. And the irony is that, after the ceremony that dog peed on everything...and nobody said, "Boo".