Warning: session_start(): open(/home/office/public_html/tmp/sess_ca8a840aee4cb74c364569dece2192d2, O_RDWR) failed: Permission denied (13) in /home/office/public_html/index.php on line 9
The Office Quotes (NBC) | Season 5 - Crime Aid

The Office Season 5 Quotes - Crime Aid

  • Quotes
  • Conference Room (32 Comments)
  • Download Episode (iTunes Link)
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
36
likes
Michael Scott: [bangs gavel] The hell is that?
Phyllis: It's the only gavel I could find.
Michael Scott: It squeaks when you bang it. That's what she said.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
24
likes
Phyllis: [to Dwight who is sharpening a piece of wood with a knife] You making a knife with a knife?
Dwight Schrute: You got a better way?
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
22
likes
Michael Scott: In my opinion the third date is traditionally the one where.. you have sex. Does Holly feel that way? I don't know. I will probably find out tonight. If she starts having sex with me I'll know for sure.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
22
likes
Creed: Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away with it. The last person to do this disappeared. His name? [whispering] Creed Bratton.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
20
likes
Oscar: Great. They stole my laptop.
Kevin: Yeah, well, they stole my surge protector.
Oscar: How does that even compare!
Kevin: Oscar I'm now going to be prone to surges.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
13
likes
Angela: I never felt safe here.
Andy: You're always safe with me, I'm a very good screamer. And one day, we're going to move to Disney's Celebration Village in Florida and leave all of this behind.
Angela: I would very much like that.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
12
likes
Angela: Who would EVER come to this?
Michael Scott: I don't know. It could be any number of people. It could be a pedestrian. It could be a old person. It could be a looky-loo. Or, it could be... a Bruce Springstein fan? What? Who said that? I did. Why did I say that? Oh I think you know why I said that. I think it is very apparent. I think it goes without saying, bare with me. There's a point there. But what is the point? I don't understand what he's saying. It seems a little shady. It seems a little foggy. Well, it's not a little foggy, there's really something going on here.
Jim Halpert: Do you need us for any of this?
Michael Scott: Do I?
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
12
likes
Darryl: Mike gave me a list of his top ten Springsteen songs. Three of them were Huey Lewis and the News, one was Tracy Chapman Fast Car. And my personal favorite: Short People.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
12
likes
Dwight Schrute: Phyllis, someone let the air out of your tires. Come quick.
Phyllis: Oh dear.
[cut to shot of Phyllis' deflated tires]
Dwight Schrute: I had to get your attention, this is an emergency.
Phyllis: Why couldn't have just said it, why did you actually do it?
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
11
likes
Michael Scott: So when, um, can I see you again?
Holly: Um tonight. I'm free tonight. Is that too eager? [both laugh] I don't care, I'm free tonight.
Michael Scott: Ok. Oh, wait. Oh tonight's no good because I am busy, taking you out.
Holly: Ohh I just remembered. I can't tonight.
Michael Scott: Why?
Holly: I'm going out with you.
Michael Scott: Ohh wait a second. Oh I can't tonight! Tonight's so.. Alright too many times.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
11
likes
Michael Scott: [after robbery] So much for sex without consequences.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
10
likes
Dwight Schrute: She introduced me to so many things: Pasteurized milk, Sheetz, monotheism. Presents on your birthday, preventative medicine.
Phyllis: It's nice to learn new things.
Dwight Schrute: I was talking to myself.
Phyllis: Ok.
Dwight Schrute: Just I don't get it.
Phyllis: What don't you get?
Dwight Schrute: Why is she marrying Andy?
Phyllis: Angela's not really a risk taker, and Andy's not really a risk.
Dwight Schrute: [long, thoughtful pause] That's really fattening.
Phyllis: No... I put lettuce--
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
10
likes
Jim Halpert: So apparently Pam went out last night. And accidentally called my work phone at three in the morning, so... I'm on minute six of this message. [hangs up phone] The future mother of my children.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
9
likes
Holly: I didn't forget my keys, I just didn't want to make out with you in front of the cameras. Do you think they can hear us?
Michael Scott: Not if we turn these dials alll the way down. [increases mic volume] And now they can't hear us at all.
Holly: Oh good.
Michael Scott: We're totally alone!
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
9
likes
Michael Scott: Oh my God, what happened?
Jim Halpert: We were robbed last night.
Dwight Schrute: Bravo, Watson. [to Michael] Looks like a classic seven man job. Ok, security tapes were stolen. Motives: Financial or possibly HP vintage computer collectors. Hank down at security had clocked out, and that's all we have.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
8
likes
Phyllis: Wanna talk about it?
Dwight Schrute: About what.
Phyllis: You know I know. You know they know. [looks at camera]
Dwight Schrute: I know none of that. And if I did, you'd be the last to know.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
8
likes
Holly: Oh the mall could be fun.
Michael Scott: Yeah!
Holly: We could go to the food court, get different foods. You could get chicken teriyaki, I could get a hot dog.
Michael Scott: Some of what we order depends on if we're having sex after. [both pause, then laugh] Woah! Elephant in the room! Are we, do you think? Do you think we're going to have sex tonight?
Holly: Hell yeah.
Michael Scott: Ok so we do the restaurant thing and we can do-- we'll just do the restaurant thing first.
[cut to talking head]
Michael Scott: Probably get soup, or something light.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
8
likes
Dwight Schrute: Listen to me close, because I'm only going to say this once. You either break off your engagement with that singing buffoon, apologize, and then date me, or you can say goodbye to this [gestures toward his groin]
Angela: I think you have me confused with another person.
Dwight Schrute: I said I was only going to say it once. You have until 6:14pm. [Angela starts leaving] 6:14!
Angela: I heard you.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
8
likes
[Jim turns around after deciding not to check up on Pam]
Jim Halpert: No. You know what? No. Because, I'm not that guy. And [laughing] we are not that couple.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
6
likes
Holly: Michael scored the big ticket item: Springsteen tickets. The boss scored the boss!
Michael Scott: Yeah. I think that's pretty boss!
Holly: He knows how to get things. He got me.
Michael Scott: Woahhh!
Holly: Sorry.
Michael Scott: Twice. Right?
Both: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
5
likes
Dwight Schrute: Oh, I get it. You're trying to secure your place as head of the party planning committee. You're just being selfish.
[Phyllis slaps Dwight]
Dwight Schrute: And you slap like a girl.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
4
likes
Holly: The Springsteen tickets seemed too good to be true. But, a lot of Michael seems too good to be true. But so far it's all true. But, yeah, those tickets, really seemed too good to be true.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
4
likes
Roy: So Pam's happy?
Jim Halpert: Yeah, I'd say she's happy. I mean she loves her classes, loves the city, and last night she was out with her friends until like eight am.
Roy: [staring at Jim] Wow.
Jim Halpert: What?
Roy: I thought you were a friend.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
2
likes
Dwight Schrute: [in front of camera] What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the Chandler, it's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop, it's her fathers business, she's Tiffany. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her, besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son, and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in France by the Tracadero. She's been waiting for me all these years, she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up, I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the vault.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
1
like
Michael Scott: And welcome to C.R.I.M.E.-A.I.D. [turns around and points to sign] Crime Reduces Innocence Makes Everyone Angry I Declare. It is not known how many office robberies occur every second because there is no Wikipedia entry for office robbery statistics. However, tonight it's victims are standing together and standing strong in the form of song, cooking lessons, and hugs. Really Phyllis? You're auctioning a hug?
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
1
like
Dwight Schrute: [on proposing an ultimatum] Are you sure that's going to work!?
Phyllis: It when Bob said I had to stop talking to my sister on the phone so much.
32 Comments in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons

Warning: Unknown: open(/home/office/public_html/tmp/sess_ca8a840aee4cb74c364569dece2192d2, O_RDWR) failed: Permission denied (13) in Unknown on line 0

Warning: Unknown: Failed to write session data (files). Please verify that the current setting of session.save_path is correct (/home/office/public_html/tmp) in Unknown on line 0