Warning: session_start(): open(/home/office/public_html/tmp/sess_1ec01d282e7c683fff5a49acf0758ab8, O_RDWR) failed: Permission denied (13) in /home/office/public_html/index.php on line 9
The Office Quotes (NBC) | Season 5 - Company Picnic

The Office Season 5 Quotes - Company Picnic

  • Quotes
  • Conference Room (23 Comments)
  • Download Episode (iTunes Link)
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
39
likes
David Wallace: Dwight come on now it's time to put in the subs.
Charles Miner: Yeah it looks like Pam won't make it back.
Dwight Schrute: Okay. Fine.
Charles Miner: Alright! Come on.
Dwight Schrute: Except you know what? It's not fine. How many people, need to get hurt before we learn a valuable lesson? One? Two? Three? Four?
Charles Miner: Dwight...
Dwight Schrute: No, no, hear me out. Five. Six?
David Wallace: Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: Seven? Can I finish please?
David Wallace: Okay.
Dwight Schrute: Eight?
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
38
likes
Pam Beesly: Maybe I played a little in junior high. And in high school. Maybe a little in college. And went to volleyball camp most summas!
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
32
likes
Dwight Schrute: Ralph is my best friend. We met in a shoe store. I heard him asking for a shoe that could increase his speed, and not leave any tracks.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
28
likes
Dwight Schrute: Normally I don't condone leaving early but I have an appointment with a horse doctor. How that horse became a doctor I donno. [short pause because Dwight breaks out laughing] Nah I'm kidding. He's just a regular doctor who shoots your horse in the head when its leg is broken.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
27
likes
Dwight Schrute: Aw man I am so mad that Pam got hurt! Ahhhh!! [kicks the volleyball into the forest] I'll get it.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
25
likes
Jim Halpert: Michael has chicken pot pie for lunch. Actually let me rephrase that, Michael had an entire chicken pot pie for lunch-- Let me be more specific. Michael ate an entire, family-sized chicken pot pie for lunch and then he promptly fell asleep so we're all trying to be very quiet so as to not wake him up before 5pm. Which actually should be about... [lifts up wall clock and turns it to 4:50] ten minutes.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
25
likes
Charles Miner: Jim! Pam!
Pam Beesly: Heyy.
Jim Halpert: Hey Charles.
Charles Miner: Hey, nice day, huh? Must be nice to get a rest from all your rest. [walks away]
Jim Halpert: I don't get it. He's not even my boss anymore.
Pam Beesly: Do you want me to beat him up for ya?
Jim Halpert: No I shouldn't ask you to do stuff like that. You should just do it.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
19
likes
Pam Beesly: Oh don't get us wrong, we like picnics.
Jim Halpert: Come on, who doesn't like a picnic.
Pam Beesly: Tell 'em what happened last year.
Jim Halpert: I had this huge spider in my baseball mitt--
Pam Beesly: No, no, the guy who hit on me.
Jim Halpert: Oh right, some drunk guy hit on Pam... said he was "grabbing her for balance."
Pam Beesly: Yeah. You don't grab /these/ for balance.
Jim Halpert: Well..
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
19
likes
Kevin: [to camera] It's six to six. It's a nail biter. [gets hit by the volleyball]
Angela: Kevin! Now it's seven six or is that too much accounting for you.
Ralph: Here's an accounting question for you. What does one fiance plus one lover equal? Answer: one whore.
Dwight Schrute: Okay, knock it off Ralph.
Ralph: What! She's sitting there, casting--
Dwight Schrute: Ralph, please. [over top of Ralph] I am asking you nicely. [firmly] Leave it alone.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
18
likes
Phyllis: Ow! My ankle!
Dwight Schrute: What happened?
Phyllis: I... twisted it.
Dwight Schrute: You weren't even moving.
[Phyllis walks off the volleyball court]
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
16
likes
Holly: Are you ready to play Slum Dunder-Mifflionaire?
Michael Scott: Yes I am.
Holly: For one hundred dollars. Where did Dunder meet Mifflin? A, on Easy Street. B, a tour of Dartmouth College. C, they never met. D, brushing their teeth.
Michael Scott: [long pause] Oh I'm thinking. I'm going to say.... B, tour of Dartmouth College.
Holly: That is correct!
[they run to the side of the other side of the stage]
Holly: How did you know that!
Michael Scott: [screaming violently] I was there! I was a tour guide at Dartmouth College! [screams]
[they run to the other side of the stage]
Holly: Nice campus, think you'll get in?
Michael Scott: Yeah I'm definitely getting in. I'm a shoe-in.
Holly: I'm Robert Dunder.
Michael Scott: I'm Robert Mifflin.
[they run back to the chairs]
Holly: Robert Mifflin had a great life. But unfortunately the undiagnosed depression, which over nine million Americans suffer from and is very treatable. For two hundred and fifty dollars! How did he kill himself? A, a rope. B, a knife. C, a gun. D, brushing his teeth!
Michael Scott: Two hundred and fifty dollars is more than I've ever seen in my life. I will say, C, a gun. He shot himself, in the head.
Holly: That is correct!
Michael Scott: Yay!
[cut to Stanley]
Stanley: I usually don't enjoy the theater but this is delightful.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
15
likes
Dwight Schrute: [giving the volleyball to Pam to serve] Okay! Hey Pam how're you doing! Hey do you know if you're right-handed or left-handed. Or do you even know? What hand do you use to answer the phone.
Pam Beesly: Back off Dwight.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
14
likes
Michael Scott: I lied to Kevin. Holly and I can never be just friends. I wrote down, a list of bullet points, why Holly and I should be together and I'm going to find the perfect moment today and I'm gonna tell her. [quickly looks at crinkled note] Number one, "Holly, you and I are soup snakes." The-- and the reason is-- because, in terms of the soup we like to eat-- That doesn't make any sense. [checks note again] We're soulmates! Holly and I are soulmates.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
14
likes
Dwight Schrute: Listen up everyone I've gone over this lineup very carefully. We cannot forget the humiliation we suffered last year at the softball game with Jim's whole spider-in-the-mitt incident.
Jim Halpert: [quietly] Well I could've died. So. I looked it up online, afterwards.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
14
likes
David Wallace: Nicely done, we're still gonna crush you though!
Charles Miner: Yes we are.
Ralph: You suckers are going down! They're going to wipe their asses with your serves! Piss all over your faces!
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
13
likes
Nurse: To be safe we should do an x-ray.
Pam Beesly: How long will that take?
Nurse: Well it shouldn't take too long, it's a slow day. So, no other radiation this year, no metal plates, no chance your pregnant...
Pam Beesly: I'm sorry could we just hurry this up I've got a game to get back to.
Nurse: Well good because my next question was do you have a game to get back to.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
12
likes
[looking at the sun]
Dwight Schrute: I'm gonna say thirty.
Ralph: Ah, forty. Insect repellent, which we clearly need, reduces the effectiveness of SPF.
Dwight Schrute: Good point but, thought of that already. [takes out container from trunk] Combination SPF, repellent.
Ralph: Whoa. Homemade?
Dwight Schrute: Of course. You think the EPA would ever allow that much DEET?
[both laugh]
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
11
likes
[Erin hits out volleyball]
Andy: Are you blind?!?! Are you blind? [Erin, looking upset shakes her head] Sir, with the glasses, are you literally blind? I'm concerned you might be in danger.
Employee: These are expensive Ray-Bans, jackass.
Andy: Okay. I was just looking out for you. [to Erin] You're doing great, by the way.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
11
likes
Michael Scott: I didn't find the perfect moment. Because I think that today was about just having today. And I think that we are one of those couples with a long story, when people ask how we found each other. I, will see her, every now and then, and, maybe one year she'll be with somebody and the next year I'll be with somebody. And it's going to take a long time... and then it's perfect. I'm in no rush.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
11
likes
Jim Halpert: Hey, Dwight, send in the subs!
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
9
likes
Michael Scott: And now, presenting...
Michael and Holly: Slum Dunder-Mifflinaire!
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
6
likes
[turning Michael's car clock ahead]
Dwight Schrute: [to camera] Like clockwork.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
5
likes
Toby: This reminds me of the HR convention last fall.
Corporate employee: Oh yeah with Bernie and Ephram. It was hilarious.
Toby: Really really funny.
Corporate employee: Reallllly funny.
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
4
likes
[everyone is cheering after winning the volleyball game]
Dwight Schrute: We advance to the next round!
Phyllis: Oh Lord in heaven.
Stanley: [sitting in a lawn chair] Had to be part of the group. [does a Stanley laugh]
Clock-in to vote or Register with Human Resources if you're not signed up!    
1
like
David Wallace: How could you possibly think that the appropriate way to announce a branch closing was at a compant picinic?
Michael Scott: Well, I didnt know that they didnt know.
David Wallace: What about the fact that they're here today? What about that? That didn't throw up any alarms? No, Michael needed a little but for his comedy sketch and he thought 'Oh hey, this'll be really funny'.
23 Comments in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons

Warning: Unknown: open(/home/office/public_html/tmp/sess_1ec01d282e7c683fff5a49acf0758ab8, O_RDWR) failed: Permission denied (13) in Unknown on line 0

Warning: Unknown: Failed to write session data (files). Please verify that the current setting of session.save_path is correct (/home/office/public_html/tmp) in Unknown on line 0