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That? In the conference room? We were joshin' around, the two of us. And he said, "did I stutter?" And I said, "wu-wu-wu-wu-whhhat dawg?" It was joking, Toby, alright?
He didn't seem like he was joking.
Well you don't get it. Because Stanley is a beautiful, sassy, powerful black man and you're... you. If you had any friends, you would understand. Friends joke with one another. "Hey, um, you're poor." "Well hey, your mom is dead." That's what friends do. It's... you're so white.
A lot of jazz cats are blind. But, they can play the piano like nobody's business. I'd like to put the piano in front of Pam, without her glasses and see what happens. I'd also like to see her topless.
This car is crap. I will buy it for next to nothing.
How next to?
Well, here are your options: You can sell it for parts, drive it off a cliff, you can donate it to a person who you'd like to see die in a car crash, or you can sell it to me and I'll use it as I would a wagon on my farm. It will be towed by a donkey.
I've got a Madlib for you. [reading from paper] A stupid, idiotic, numskull named Andy Bernard sold his Xterra to a smart and capable man named Dwight. This is shaping up to be an awesome day for Dwight.
Today's a very special day for me. And it's really not about me. It's about my grandkids, it's about my great grandkids... I can come back here when I'm one hundred and I can find that piece of cement and say, "That's me. Look kids, your daddy left that face hole." I donno. It's a good feeling.
You know what? You knock fifteen hundred dollars off the price right now and I'll take it off your hands. It's gotta be now. Seal the deal. Let's do this thing. Three, two, one. Five, four, three, two, one. Now! Now! Now! Say it! Do it! Now! Do it now! Do it! Shake my hand! You will sell me this car. Shake my hand.
Because I want you to behave as if I'm actually firing him, Oscar, ok?
Michael if you hadn't told us this, then we would've thought that you were actually firing--
I'm not firing him-- I'm not-- I need you to act like I am firing him. Just, what I am going to do is I'm going to pretend that I am firing him and I need you to act like I am firing him. Do you get that? Do you get it? I'm teaching him a lesson. He needs to learn humility. Alright?
I am a good person and sometimes good people don't get no respect. Rodney Dangerfield. [imitating Rodney Dangerfield] Hey! I don't get no respect. No respect at all. When I was in the sandbox as a kid I got no respect. My wife likes to talk after sex, so she called me from a hotel room, said "I don't respect you." Aaaaaaaah. Thoughtless. You know what don't get no respect? Airplane food. Why don't they just make the plane outta the airline food. My wife don't get no respect, so take her please. If you don't get no respect, you might be a redneck. Respect, is niceee. Boy. What's the deal with grapenuts? No grapes no nuts. I don't get no respect.
I think it was really admirable the way you stuck with the problem and saw it through to the end today. And you were good and firm with everybody upstairs when you told them to leave. I think you earned their respect. So, nice job.
Thank you. But unfortunately, coming from you, that means absolutely nothing.
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