You're kidding me! God! You say radon is silent but deadly and then you expect me not to make farting noises with my mouth? What is this! You know what we're not going to die of radon we're going to die of boredom.
Right? And if I had a gun, with two bullets, and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.
[disapproval from everyone]
You were being really funny, and then you went too far.
I would kill Bin Laden and then Toby.
No, it's still...
OK geniuses how would you do it?
Curve the bullet, like in my favorite James McAvoy film, um, Wanted.
All that does is help you shoot around things. When there's Bin Laden--
Is there a curtain rod in the room.
How 'bout make believe land has anyyything you want.
Stanley please. This is serious.
Is this the thing where they use an icicle so there's no evidence.
Yes, we should stab Toby through the heart with an icicle.
Come on, the whole two bullet thing is a red herring. Here's how you do it, you line them all up, you take one bullet shoot them all through the throat at the same time. [stands up] Watch this, Phyllis, you're Hitler, come up here. Toby, you're Toby. Andy, you're Bin Laden. Line up. Throats together.
I don't wanna do this.
Toby just do it! God!
[holding his fingers like a gun to Phyllis' throat] Ready? One bullet, and, boom! [shows bullet travelling through Toby and Andy's necks]
[a news crew approaches Michael outside of the branch]
Do you want to make a comment on the rumors?
[sighs] Um. I have done some very bad things. Things of which I am not proud. I would like to publicly apologize to, the coach and the players. And, I vow to never listen to my bodily instincts ever again.
I'm talking about the Sabre printers that catch on fire.
Oh! OK. I was talking about... what, what's going on?
Toby has been leaving radon test kits everywhere like he owns the place. The first time I threw mine away I thought it was an ant trap. But I figured I'd rather live with ants than with this creepy little disc. The second time, I thought it was one of those, you know, the things you turn over and it moo's like a cow thing but upon closer examination it was another ant trap so I threw it away. And the third time, I did it out of spite.
Well that was not at all what I expected. My heart's still racing. I just looked at man in the eyes and I shook his hand. All the time I was thinking, I'm sleeping with your wife. And you know who does that? James freakin' Bond.
My name is Andy Bernard and I am a cuckold. For those of you unfamiliar to William Shakespeare a cuckold is a man whose woman is cheating on him. I lived the part. And let me tell you, I would so much rather play the part on stage.
How do I feel about breaking up with Donna? Good. Moral. I feel proud. Like a grownup. That was not easy. Because, I really liked her a lot. And I'm a little bit emotional right now, because I know, that I absolutely made the right decision. At the end of the day, we have to do what's right. And it was either living with myself or, being happy. And I picked the... former...
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