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The Office Quotes (NBC) | Season 6 - The Chump

The Office Season 6 Quotes - The Chump

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  • Conference Room (10 Comments)
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19
likes
[Michael is making farting noises]
Toby: Come on Michael. You're interrupting.
Michael Scott: You're kidding me! God! You say radon is silent but deadly and then you expect me not to make farting noises with my mouth? What is this! You know what we're not going to die of radon we're going to die of boredom.
[office laughs]
Michael Scott: Right? And if I had a gun, with two bullets, and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.
[disapproval from everyone]
Dwight Shrute: You were being really funny, and then you went too far.
Michael Scott: I would kill Bin Laden and then Toby.
Dwight Shrute: No, it's still...
Michael Scott: OK geniuses how would you do it?
Creed: Curve the bullet, like in my favorite James McAvoy film, um, Wanted.
Oscar: All that does is help you shoot around things. When there's Bin Laden--
Ryan: Is there a curtain rod in the room.
Michael Scott: I donno.
Stanley: How 'bout make believe land has anyyything you want.
Jim Halpert: Stanley please. This is serious.
Angela: Is this the thing where they use an icicle so there's no evidence.
Michael Scott: Yes, we should stab Toby through the heart with an icicle.
Dwight Shrute: Come on, the whole two bullet thing is a red herring. Here's how you do it, you line them all up, you take one bullet shoot them all through the throat at the same time. [stands up] Watch this, Phyllis, you're Hitler, come up here. Toby, you're Toby. Andy, you're Bin Laden. Line up. Throats together.
Toby: I don't wanna do this.
Michael Scott: Toby just do it! God!
Dwight Shrute: [holding his fingers like a gun to Phyllis' throat] Ready? One bullet, and, boom! [shows bullet travelling through Toby and Andy's necks]
Michael Scott: [the office applauds] It works!
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13
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Dwight Shrute: I don't have 30 thousand dollars lying around. I have it buried very deeply, and I don't want to dig past a certain someone to get it.
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12
likes
Michael Scott: I like Donna. Is it wrong to keep seeing her? Depends on who you ask. I mean, if you ask her husband, or you took a random poll, yeah, it's wrong.
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11
likes
Michael Scott: You know what? I am declaring a moment of silence. Right now. Ten minutes of silence honoring Michael Jackson. Just sit there and think about Michael Jackson.
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11
likes
Stanley: Oh Michael will you drop it? Everybody's spoken their mind and no one's changing their mind.
Michael Scott: OK, Morgan Freeman, narrating everything.
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9
likes
Pam Halpert: When Michael gets a broken heart, this whole place comes to a halt so. We're just trying to get out in front of this.
Erin: After his last breakup he ate 40 thousand calories in three hours! Right, Pam? That's what Pam told me.
Pam Halpert: [yawning] Yeah. Or no, well I donno. I'm sorry. I was up all night with Cece. Otherwise I'd be, running this.
Erin: It's OK. You probably shouldn't keep a baby up that late, though.
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9
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[a news crew approaches Michael outside of the branch]
Reporter: Michael Scott!
Michael Scott: Yes.
Reporter: Do you want to make a comment on the rumors?
Michael Scott: [sighs] Um. I have done some very bad things. Things of which I am not proud. I would like to publicly apologize to, the coach and the players. And, I vow to never listen to my bodily instincts ever again.
Reporter: I'm talking about the Sabre printers that catch on fire.
Michael Scott: Oh! OK. I was talking about... what, what's going on?
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8
likes
Lawyer: [reviewing Dwight and Angela's baby contract] Finally there's a provision here, in the occurrence that the child is born an old man a la Benjamin Button.
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7
likes
Michael Scott: Toby has been leaving radon test kits everywhere like he owns the place. The first time I threw mine away I thought it was an ant trap. But I figured I'd rather live with ants than with this creepy little disc. The second time, I thought it was one of those, you know, the things you turn over and it moo's like a cow thing but upon closer examination it was another ant trap so I threw it away. And the third time, I did it out of spite.
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6
likes
Michael Scott: Well that was not at all what I expected. My heart's still racing. I just looked at man in the eyes and I shook his hand. All the time I was thinking, I'm sleeping with your wife. And you know who does that? James freakin' Bond.
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6
likes
Oscar: How can you live with yourself?
Michael Scott: I am what I am, Oscar. And I want what I want. And right now I want a piece of cake. From now on, when I'm hungry I am going to eat whatever I'm hungry for.
Kevin: That is a dangerous game, friendo.
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5
likes
Dwight Shrute: So much of this is just impossible to verify. Item five point B. Uh, the beet juice cleanse.
Angela: I'm doing it! You know I am, it's disgusting.
Dwight Shrute: How do we know this? I'd like to see a stool sample.
Angela: Dwight. Look at my teeth. [shows beet red teeth]
Dwight Shrute: Uhgh.
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5
likes
Meredith: That is something I'd never do.
Michael Scott: Well, I think we all know what you're capable of Meredith.
Meredith: Hey, I have never cheated on, been cheated on, or been used to cheat with.
[cut to talking head]
Meredith: I ask everyone in the room: Are you in a relationship.
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5
likes
Andy: My name is Andy Bernard and I am a cuckold. For those of you unfamiliar to William Shakespeare a cuckold is a man whose woman is cheating on him. I lived the part. And let me tell you, I would so much rather play the part on stage.
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5
likes
Lawyer: Despite the provision covering whether this is all part of The Matrix--
Dwight Shrute: [to camera] Which we can't know.
Lawyer: This is essentially--
Dwight Shrute: [to camera] Unless we're unplugged.
Lawyer: Equivalent to a donor or surrogate contract.
Dwight Shrute: [to camera] And wake up in the future.
Lawyer: Which is actually pretty common. So, I have to tell you that this is a solid contract.
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5
likes
Darryl: I probably shouldn't tell you this but, a lot of guys in the warehouse work multiple jobs so, we have a place.
Jim Halpert: A place?
Darryl: A restful location. Talk to Glenn, he'll take you up on the lift.
Pam Halpert: You sleep in the warehouse?
Darryl: Lightbulb's burnt out so it's dark. And the, heat from the backup generator keeps it nice and warm. Sometimes I think about it when I'm trying to fall asleep at home.
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5
likes
Michael Scott: How do I feel about breaking up with Donna? Good. Moral. I feel proud. Like a grownup. That was not easy. Because, I really liked her a lot. And I'm a little bit emotional right now, because I know, that I absolutely made the right decision. At the end of the day, we have to do what's right. And it was either living with myself or, being happy. And I picked the... former...
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0
likes
Dwight Schrute: [cuts to head shot] Five times for thirty thousand dollars? Not a bad stud fee, better than most horses.
10 Comments in the Conference Room
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons

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