The Office Season 7 Quotes - Andy's Play
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| Andy: | Women cannot resist a man singing show tunes. It's so powerful, even a lot of men can't resist a man singing show tunes. |
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| Creed: | Be cool Michael. I saw this guy kill a bunch of people. |
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| [Michael auditioning by performing an entire Law & Order episode] | |
| Michael Scott: | In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate but equally important groups, the police who investigate the crimes and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories. KUN KUN. |
| Michael Scott: | "I'm just a cleaning lady! Ahhh! A dead body!" |
| Michael Scott: | He wrapped his belt around his own neck. It looks like a classic case of auto-errotic axffixation. |
| Michael Scott: | Yeah it looks like everybody's tightening their belt in this economy. Bom-bom dum dum dum dum dum-dummm. |
| Michael Scott: | The last time you saw the victim, was he happy? |
| Michael Scott: | Last time I saw this john... He was, he wasn't a victim if you know what I'm talking about. |
| Director: | Thank you. |
| Michael Scott: | No--I wasn't--I was just getting to the first act. |
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| Andy: | Oh! It appears the bird was in mine own pocket this whole time. He's gone to sleep now I closed his beak. |
| Michael Scott: | [laughing alone] |
| Sweeny Todd: | What is the news of my darling daughter Johanna? |
| Andy: | [Andy gets a voicemail] You know what? Let me just double check, make sure that bird... Okay, good. It's off. I mean silenced. I silenced it by killing it. I killed it! I'm a murderer! Just like you Sweeny Todd! See it all connects. Not that I know you're a murderer, my character doesn't know that yet. But I'm suspicious, because of all the razors that you have laying around. And you spend time alone. But you're a barber, so that's legit. So there's that. But... |
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| Michael Scott: | That was awesome! I auditioned for this! When did the cast list go up? |
| Andy: | Like a month ago. |
| Michael Scott: | Really? They didn't call me! [long pause] Who am I playing? Andy? |
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| Creed: | [phoning in a review of Andy's play] Unfortunately, in this ham-fisted production of Sweeney Todd, the real terror comes from the vocal performances. New paragraph. |
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| Andy: | Dwight? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Uh, no, thank you... Last time I went to the theatre, a man dressed as a cat sat on my lap. |
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| Woman: | Excuse me. Are you the guy that did an entire Law & Order episode for his audition? |
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| Andy: | I really wanted to see Andy's play, because he's so, so talented, but I've been trying to get in the babysitting game forever. The 13-year-olds in this town have a complete monopoly. It's almost like a babysitters' club. |
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| Darryl: | Shh! If we don't listen to the overture, we won't recognize the musical themes when they come back later. |
| Michael Scott: | All right, I'm sorry. |
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| Angela: | Come on, Dwight. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Why are you dressed like a seed catalog model? |
| Angela: | These are just my dirty old gardening clothes. They were all that I had in my car. |
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| Pam Halpert: | Hey, Erin, it's Pam. Hey, how you doin-- No, no, don't put cece on the phone because she can't talk yet! |
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| Michael Scott: | Hey, what's going on here? Post-show blues? |
| Andy: | Yeah, I guess you could say that. |
| Michael Scott: | Yeah, I get those every day after work. |
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| Angela: | That was more horrifying than Nunsense. |
| Dwight Schrute: | All that singing got in the way of some perfectly good murders. |
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| Andy: | Just checking my emails. See if I got any last-minute "break a legs" or "I still love you" type texts. Doesn't look like I got anything. Maybe on my Facebook wall. |
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| Angela: | Dwight and I have a contractual agreement. To procreate five times, plain and simple. And should he develop feelings for me? Well, that would be permissible Under item 7c, clause 2... so I would not object. |
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| Andy: | Mr. Todd! Mr. Todd! I found her! |
| Sweeny Todd: | You found Johanna. |
| Andy: | That monster of a judge [Andy's phone starts ringing] Has locked her... [keeps ringing] Locked her away... |
| Sweeny Todd: | There's a little bird fluttering around. Do hope it ceases, chirping. |
| [the audience laughs] | |
| Michael Scott: | How is that funny? |
| Sweeny Todd: | The bird continues to call. Someone please turn off your... Bird. Oh, for the love of--turn your phone off! There are signs! |
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| Erin: | Did you write this! |
| Andy: | No. |
| Erin: | Who did! |
| Andy: | Stephen Sondheim. |
| Erin: | Who is he! |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Give me the punch card. |
| Angela: | No. If you want to punch the punch card, you have to take me to the show. |
| Dwight Schrute: | That is not in the contract. |
| Angela: | Well, there's a lot of gray area in that clause. Do you want to re-mediate? |
| Dwight Schrute: | All right, fine! I'll go to your little show. But I'm not wearing a cape. |
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| Sweeny todd Actor: | (Andys phone rings) I hear a little bird chirping... (keeps ringing) For God's sake, turn your phone off, there are signs! |
| Andy: | Oh (He takes the phone out of his pocket) It seems as if the bird is in my own pocket... There I silenced, uh I mean killed it. |
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