Creed Quotes From The Office

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[Angela picks up her phone]
Angela: Extension 128.
Creed: Hiya Pumpkin, it's Creed. So we're gonna ditch this bitch. You in?
Angela: No.
Creed: You out? [Angela hangs up] Pumpkin's out! Let's go gang!
[Creed, Phyllis and Meredith walk out of the office]
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Pam Beesly: During the course of business, a copier goes through something called normal wear and tear.
[cut to Creed depositing coins in the side of the machine]
Oscar: I think it's seventy-five cents.
Creed: That's a lot.
[cut to a Cat gnawing on the power cord]
Angela: Bandit, no! No, no, no.
[cut to Kevin spilling a whole cup of coffee on the copier glass]
Kevin: Ohh!
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Jim Halpert: It's under here as "Security Guard Home" did you not get his name or?
Toby: No.
Jim Halpert: It's ringing. Does anyone have his name? Quick?
Andy: Yes. It's Eddy.
Jim Halpert: It's not- it's not Eddy. It's Edmund or--
Creed: Hank. His name is Hank.
Jim Halpert: Oh guys his name's not Hank it's uh.. is it Edgar?
Phyllis: Elliot.
Oscar: Elliot!
Jim Halpert: Is it Elli-- [to cell phone] Hey... Chief. This is uh, Jim Halpert from, um, where you work. [staggered] You are the guy who sits behind the desk, you're- you're the a-African American guy. I mean you're uhh-- Who have I got here?
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Michael Scott: Can I ask you all a question? Do you know what it''s like to be disabled?
Phyllis: I had scoliosis as a girl
Michael Scott: Never heard of it. No, a real disability, not a woman's trouble.
Creed: When I was a teenager, I was in an iron-lung.
Michael Scott: Wha? How- how old are you? The point is: I am the only one here who has a legitimate disability. Although I am sure Stanley has had his fair share of obstacles.
Stanley: I'm not disabled and neither are you.
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[Creed is dressed as a vampire for halloween]
Creed: I vant to sell you blood!
Ryan: That's really not the trend in vampires right now.
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Creed: I hate Devil's Food.
Jim Halpert: Well I think Meredith--
Creed: Screw Meredith! I don't think it's fair to let someone else pick the cake on my birthday.
Jim Halpert: Everybody's birthday.
Creed: Today is actually my birthday and I wanna pick the cake.
Jim Halpert: What do you want?
Creed: Pie. Peach pie.
Jim Halpert: You want a birthday pie?
Creed: I want a nice cobbler.
Jim Halpert: Well I'll talk to Angela and we're gonna see what we can do about a pie.
Creed: I don't care who you talk to just make it happen.
Jim Halpert: It'll be Angela.
Creed: Tell her it's for Creed. She'll know what that means.
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Erin Who's Holly, guys?
Michael Scott That is a good question, Erin. How do you describe somebody who is at the same time an old friend, and was a lover, and was a complicated part of my past, and maybe, just maybe, a part of my future?
Creed She's one sassy black lady.
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Creed: Are you listening to what he's saying? Retraining, new system, youth. I'm telling you, this kid is the grim reaper. You deal with this, or you, me, Sammy, Phyllis, the chick you hit with a car... we're goners.
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["Bring my troops home save and sound, says this little girl..."]
Andy: Ok, honest feedback time. Oscar?
Oscar: It's pandering. And it makes me think you think I'm stupid.
Andy: But do you think it could be famous? Like in a car commercial or something?
Pam Halpert: Not really? It kinda weird, that a grown man is singing from the point of view of a little girl.
Andy: I feel like I could see someone ice skating to it. You know like in the Olympics.
Ryan: [scratching his head] I don't think they usually, skate to such... bad songs.
Andy: Rude! And not helpful.
Creed: Well I really really really really like it.
Andy: Well that... that really bums me out.
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Michael Scott: What topics, can you use for small talk?
Andy: Golf, stock market, Dave Matthews--
Michael Scott: Yes, what else?
Creed: Small things. Peas, ball bearings, dimes.
Michael Scott: No.
Meredith: The weekend.
Michael Scott: Yeah! That's good! Come on up, Meredith. Come up here. Let's do a little something. [Meredith gets to the front] So Meredith and I just started conversing, and I will say, "so Meredith, how was your weekend? What did you do?"
Meredith: Well I caught my son taking a dump on the upper-part of the toilet... he calls it an "upper decker."
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