Creed Quotes From The Office
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| Dwight Schrute: | [looking around office to see if anyone notices the smoke] Does anyone smell anything smoky? |
| Angela: | Did you bring your jerky in again? |
| Dwight Schrute: | [clears throat] |
| Pam Beesly: | [points to smoke] Oh, my God! Uh, Oh my God! |
| Phyllis: | What-- |
| Andy Bernard: | Whoa, fire! |
| Dwight Schrute: | Oh, fire! Oh my goodness! What's the procedure? What do we do, people? |
| Pam Beesly: | The phones are dead. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Oh, how did that happen? |
| Kevin: | It's out in the hall. |
| Dwight Schrute: | No, we don't know that. The smoke could be coming through an air duct. |
| Michael Scott: | Oh my God! Okay, it happening. Everybody stay calm. |
| Dwight Schrute: | What's the procedure, everyone? What's the procedure? |
| Michael Scott: | Stay [bleep] calm! |
| Dwight Schrute: | Wait, wait, wait. |
| Michael Scott: | Everyone, now [bleep] calm down! |
| Dwight Schrute: | No! No, Michael! No! Touch the handle. If it's hot, there could be a fire in the hallway. |
| Michael Scott: | What does warm mean? |
| Everyone: | [groaning] Oh my God. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Not a viable option. |
| Pam Beesly: | Try a different door. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Okay, what's next? |
| Michael Scott: | Don't run. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Oh! Here's a door. Check that one out. How's the handle? |
| Andy Bernard: | It-- it's warm. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Well, uh, another option. [everyone chattering at once] |
| Jim Halpert: | Back door. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Back to our options. Jeez! Ok! settle down everyone. No bunching! |
| Phyllis: | Oh! I forgot my purse. |
| Stanley: | Leave it woman! |
| Michael Scott: | Get out of the way! Go, go, go! |
| Dwight Schrute: | Things can be replaced, Phyllis! People, human lives, however, can... |
| Oscar: | Ah! My hand! That's hot! |
| Andy Bernard: | Aah! This one's hot too! |
| Michael Scott: | Okay, we're trapped. Everyone for himself. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Okay, let's go. |
| Everyone: | [shouting] Out of my way! Let's go. Get out of my way! |
| Dwight Schrute: | Calm, please. |
| Andy Bernard: | Get out of the way! |
| Dwight Schrute: | Have you ever seen a burn victim? |
| Andy Bernard: | Move it! |
| Dwight Schrute: | Okay! Procedure, procedure. Exit options. Where do we go folks? Wha-- Use a what to cover the mouth? |
| Angela: | [pulling cat out of filing drawer] It's okay. Shh shhh. |
| Dwight Schrute: | A what? A rag. A damp rag, perhaps. Let's remember those procedures. What are the options? Okay, that's the wrong way. We've already tried that. Remember your exit points. Exit points people. |
| Angela: | Oscar. |
| Dwight Schrute: | What's next? |
| Angela: | Oscar! |
| Oscar: | Stay alive! I'm getting help! |
| Angela: | Pull me up! |
| Oscar: | You're too heavy! |
| Angela: | I only weigh 82 pounds! Uh-- save Bandit! [throws cat into air duct and he falls out through the other side] Oh! |
| Dwight Schrute: | How about 911? Anyone? 911. |
| [Michael throws a chair at the window, Kevin smashes a chair through the vending machine and begins to grab snacks, everyone is shouting.] | |
| Pam Beesly: | What do we do? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Use the surge of fear and adrenaline to sharpen your decision-making. |
| Jim Halpert: | Okay, I am not dying here. Come on. |
| [everyone is coughing from the smoke, Dwight lights some fire crackers and they start popping] | |
| Angela: | What is that? What is that? |
| Andy Bernard: | The fire's shooting at us! |
| Phyllis: | What in the name of God is going on?! |
| [Dwight pulls fire alarm] | |
| Phyllis and Creed: | Ahhhh!!! [Oscar's leg crashes through the ceiling] |
| Andy Bernard: | Go, go, go, go, go!! [Andy and Jim ram the door with the copy machine] |
| Michael Scott: | [throws the projector out the window] Help!! Help!! |
| Stanley: | I'm about to die! |
| Dwight Schrute: | [blowing air horn] Attention everyone! Employees of Dunder Mifflin! This has been a test of our emergency preparedness. There is no fire. It was only a simulation. |
| Jim Halpert: | What?! |
| Dwight Schrute: | Fire not real. This was merely a training exercise. [Oscar drops down from the ceiling] So, what have we learned? [Stanley falls to the floor] Oh come on. It's not real Stanley. Don't have a heart attack. |
| Michael Scott: | No, no, no! You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! Barack is president! You are black, Stanley! I'm gonna give him mouth to mouth. |
| Jim Halpert: | No, no, no! Don't give him mouth to mouth for this! |
| Michael Scott: | He's going to swallow is tongue. |
| Jim Halpert: | No. Michael. Michael. |
| Michael Scott: | Open your mouth. Come on. Don't swallow it. |
| Jim Halpert: | [everyone shouting at once] Michael! Michael! |
| Michael Scott: | Leave me al-- |
| Andy Bernard: | You're choking him! |
| Michael Scott: | Saving him! |
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| Michael Scott: | Someone complained that the men's room is whites only. Stanley, you know that's not true. |
| Stanley: | I didn't say that. |
| Creed: | Then why is there a picture of a white man on the door? |
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| Creed: | Okay. Team Building. On this side of the room: Stanley, Phylis, Jim, Ted, Elroy. And this side of the room: Pam, Meredith, Phylis, Creed. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Who's the father? |
| Pam Beesly: | Jim. |
| Dwight Schrute: | How far along? |
| Jim Halpert: | Four months? |
| Creed: | Who's the OB/GYN? |
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| Jim Halpert: | I am collecting three dollars for everyone for Kelly's party. |
| Creed: | Oh I'd like to contribute. |
| Jim Halpert: | Oh great. |
| Creed: | [takes out a three dollar bill and gives it to Jim] |
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| Meredith: | You know what, don't even worry about it. Everyone was so drunk, I'll bet no one even remembers what you said |
| Creed: | I remember. I blogged the whole thing. www.creedthoughts.gov.www/creedthoughts. Check it out. |
| [cut to Ryan's talking head] | |
| Ryan: | Last year, Creed asked me how to set up a blog. Wanting to protect the world from being exposed to Creed's brain, I opened a word document on his computer and put an address at the top. I've read some of it. Even for the intranet... it's pretty shocking. |
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| Creed: | So hey. I wanna, set you up with my daughter. |
| Jim Halpert: | Oh I'm engaged to Pam. |
| Creed: | I thought you were gay. |
| Jim Halpert: | Then why would you want to set me up with your daughter. |
| Creed: | I don't know. |
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| Michael Scott: | What topics, can you use for small talk? |
| Andy: | Golf, stock market, Dave Matthews-- |
| Michael Scott: | Yes, what else? |
| Creed: | Small things. Peas, ball bearings, dimes. |
| Michael Scott: | No. |
| Meredith: | The weekend. |
| Michael Scott: | Yeah! That's good! Come on up, Meredith. Come up here. Let's do a little something. [Meredith gets to the front] So Meredith and I just started conversing, and I will say, "so Meredith, how was your weekend? What did you do?" |
| Meredith: | Well I caught my son taking a dump on the upper-part of the toilet... he calls it an "upper decker." |
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| [playing chess] | |
| Creed: | No. If you do that I'm gonna do that, if you do that I'm gonna do that, if you do this I'm gonna do that. |
| Jim Halpert: | Well what if I just... [starts moving a piece] |
| Creed: | You don't wanna do that. |
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| Michael Scott: | Can I ask you all a question? Do you know what it''s like to be disabled? |
| Phyllis: | I had scoliosis as a girl |
| Michael Scott: | Never heard of it. No, a real disability, not a woman's trouble. |
| Creed: | When I was a teenager, I was in an iron-lung. |
| Michael Scott: | Wha? How- how old are you? The point is: I am the only one here who has a legitimate disability. Although I am sure Stanley has had his fair share of obstacles. |
| Stanley: | I'm not disabled and neither are you. |