Creed Quotes From The Office

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[trying to repack a box]
Oscar: Did we try printer first? Shredder at an angle? Fax, cable, then the scanner upside down?
Pam Beesly: Yes.
Creed: Have you tried making everything smaller.
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Michael Scott: [on his cellphone] No, I'll talk to her. No, nobody talks to my baby that way. Yeah I'll let you know how it goes. Alright. Bye, Pickle. [hangs up and walks into the conference room] Pamela Morgan Beesly you need to apologize to your mother right now.
Angela: I'm sorry, I was told I have the floor.
Oscar: Whoa hold on, hold on. What's going on?
Jim Halpert: Nothing! Nothing at all. "It's all goood."
Pam Beesly: I'm not apologizing to anyone. Michael owes ME an apology.
Michael Scott: For trying to find happiness in the arms of a lover?
Pam Beesly: Don't call my mother your lover!
Kevin: Yes! That's what I'm talking about.
Andy: That is not ok dude!
Michael Scott: Ok, in my defence--
Phyllis: Disgusting.
Creed: That's messed up man.
Pam Beesly: Yes. Thank you. Welcome to my personal hell!
Oscar: You have no sense of boundaries, Michael.
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Michael Scott: Phyllis.
Phyllis: Oh no, they're still not done.
Michael Scott: No no no, let me see. [picks up the mostly knitted mittens] Oh Phyllis, nice try. I love 'em. [waves goodbye to her with the mittens] [Michael begins walking out the office, he takes one last look at all his friends to see them working, and Jim looking back, teary eyed]
Creed: [drinking from Michael's World's Best Boss mug] See ya tomorrow boss!
Michael Scott: Later guys. [leaves the office]
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Angela: I am proud to announce there is a new addition to the Martin family. She's hypoallergenic, she doesn't struggle when you try to dress her, she's a third generation show-cat, her father was in Meet the Parents. Needless to say she was very, very expensive.
Meredith: How much--
Angela: Seven thousand dollars.
Creed: For a cat? I could get you a kid for that.
Oscar: Where'd you get that kind of money?
Angela: I sold Andy's engagement ring on eBay.
Kevin: Wait-- you didn't give it back?
Angela: He wouldn't have wanted that. Her name, is Princess Lady!
Meredith: Seven grand! I gotta see that little bitch.
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Phyllis: I never see him drink. I never see him eat.
Stanley: I don't think he even uses the bathroom.
Creed: Oh he does. He does.
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Rose: Ok. You didn't maintain a hundred beats per minute. And the ambulance didn't arrive because no body called 911. So you lost 'em.
Dwight Schrute: Ok. He's dead. Anyone know what we do next? Anybody? Rose?
Rose: I have no idea.
Phyllis: We bury him.
Dwight Schrute: Wrong. Check for an organ donor card. If he has one we only have minutes to harvest.
Creed: He has no wallet, I checked.
Michael Scott: He is an organ donor.
Dwight Schrute: [excitedly] He is? Give me some ice in a Styrofoam bucket. [removes a hunting knife from his ankle and cuts open the dummy] We search for the organs! [digging around inside] Where's the heart? The precious heart.
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Jim Halpert: [talking head interview] Ever since Pam and I started dating, I just, feel weird asking her to make copies for me. So, I make my own copies. And that copier, sucks. Let me tell you-- but you know what? Pam and I don't have to agree on everything.
[cut to office]
Meredith: Jim, good for you standing up to Pam like that.
Creed: The balls on you, man.
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Creed: Andrea's the uh, office bitch. You'll get used to her.
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Creed: Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away with it. The last person to do this disappeared. His name? [whispering] Creed Bratton.
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Ryan: What I really want, honestly, Michael is for you to know it so that you can communicate it to the people here, to your clients, whomever.
Michael Scott: Oh okay.
Ryan: What?
Michael Scott: It's whoever, not whomever.
Ryan: It's whomever.
Michael Scott: No, whomever is never acutally right.
Jim Halpert: Nope, sometimes it's right.
Creed: Michael is right. It's a made up word used to trick students-
Andy: No. Actually, whomever is the formal version of the word--
Oscar: Obviously it's a real word- but I don't know how to use it correctly.
Michael Scott: [to camera] Not a native speaker.
Kevin: I know what's right. But I'm not gonna say. Because you're all jerks who didn't come see my band last night.
Ryan: Do you really know which one is correct?
Kevin: I don't know.
Pam Beesly: It's whom when it's the object of the sentence and who when as the subject.
Phyllis: That sounds right.
Michael Scott: Well it sounds right but is it?
Stanley: How did Ryan use it, as an object?
Ryan: As an object.
Kelly: Ryan used me as an object.
Oscar: Is he right about that--
Pam Beesly: How did he use it again?
Toby: It was, Ryan wanted Michael, the subject, to explain the computer system, the object--
Michael Scott: Thank you!
Toby: ...to whomever, meaning us, the indirect object. Which is the, the correct usage of the word.
Michael Scott: No one, uh asked you anything ever so whomever's name is Toby, why don't you take a letter opener and stick it in your skull?
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Michael Scott: Okay, you know what? I will not donate my winnings to Comic Relief. Since, apparently, it doesn't exist, I am going to donate to Afghanistanis with AIDS.
Jim Halpert: Whoa, I think you mean the Aid to Afghanistan.
Michael Scott: No, I mean Afghanistanis with AIDS.
Phyllis: Afghani.
Michael Scott: What?
Phyllis: Afghani.
Michael Scott: That's a dog.
Pam Beasley: No, that's Afghan.
Michael Scott: That's a shawl.
Dwight Schrute: Wait, canine AIDS?
Michael Scott: No, humans with AIDS.
Creed: Who has AIDS?
Jim Halpert: Guys, the Afghanistanannis.
Michael Scott: Okay, you know what? No, no. AIDS is not funny. Believe me, I have tried.
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Creed: If I can't scuba then what's this all been about?? What am I working toward?
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