Ryan Quotes From The Office

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Stanley: [misinterpreting Jim's joke] The hell you will! I worked for the last boss for 15 years. According to my doctor, I don't have another 15 years if I want to keep up the same dietary and sexual lifestyle, which I intend to.
Ryan: [In a high-pitched voice] Oh no, Stanley, you'll live forever.
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Ryan Howard: What you gotta do, is you gotta go down to that warehouse and you gotta crack some skulls. Chiklis style.
Michael Scott: Yeah. The Commish.
Ryan Howard: Yes but, Chiklis, Shield style. Not Commish style.
Michael Scott: Yeah yeah. The Shield.
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Michael Scott: What advice you seek? ...Do you know who that is?
Ryan: Fozzy bear?
Michael Scott: Mmmm no, no, it's yoda.
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Ryan: Hey guys! What's happening? How's my favorite branch doing!
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Ryan: [breaks off kissing] I can't do this.
Kelly: Can't do what?
Ryan: It's not fair to you. And it's really not fair to me.
Kelly: What are you saying? I broke up with Darryl so I could be with you.
Ryan: That was your choice. Don't put that on me. I'm just going on a little trip.
Kelly: Oh can I come?
Ryan: It's not that kind of trip. I'm going to Thailand with some friends from high school. Well, a high school. And if I don't do it now I'll never get to go. And I'll always resent you for it. You don't want me to resent you do you?
Kelly: So you're dumping me?
Ryan: Let's me adults about this. Let's have sex one more time, and if you have any extra cash that would be amazing.
Kelly: ... okay.
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Ryan Howard: I'm getting paid to skip lunch, right?
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Michael Scott: Ed's Tires. Why don't you tell them, that we have fewer clients, so that we can spend more time with each of them. Also, [reading from a Rolodex card] try to discuss it over Indian food, and try to mention how you distrust women.
Pam Beesly: I'm not going to do that.
Michael Scott: That is smart. That would not seem genuine. Ryan?
Ryan: I can get there.
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Ryan: Heard you guys were looking for cash, for the wedding?
Pam Beesly: Yeah, I mean, if it's all the same for you.
Ryan: Question for you. Would you guys rather have a hundred dollars now, or five thousand dollars a year from now.
Pam Beesly: A hundred dollars now, for sure.
Ryan: Because you just give me fifty dollars to cover the broker fee. I put in a hundred of my own money, as the gift--
Pam Beesly: Yeah, no. I'll uh--the hundred. I'll just take the hundred.
Ryan: Instead of five thousand dollars a year from now?
Pam Beesly: How sure is this?
[cut to talking head]
Pam Beesly: The guy has an algorithm to determine the winner of any given college basketball game. [thinks for a moment] Don't tell Jim.
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