Dwight Schrute Quotes From The Office

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Dwight Schrute: The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition won't receive the care they need because someone in this office is coming up with ridiculous stuff. Count Choculitis.
Jim Halpert: Sounds Tough.
Dwight Schrute: Why did you write that down, Jim? Is it because you know I love Count Chocula?
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Dwight Schrute: Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. You have to snare it... and then you have to tame it. Keep it happy, care for it, feed it... lovingly, like an animal deserves to be loved. And my animal deserves a lot of loving.
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Dwight Schrute: Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did, however, tip my urologist. Because, I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.
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Kelly: And the guys are saying, "Chug chug chug!" but I'm so small, and all I'd eaten that day was one of those Auntie Ann pretzels from the food court. So I said, "Is it ok if I sip it?" and they said "No". But Ryan seemed cool either way.
Dwight Schrute: [Slams fist on table] Stop! This is not Kelly Kapoor story hour. Illegal drugs were consumed on company property. Okay! Your ass is on the line Mister. My ass is on the line. Now I'm going to ask you again, what time did you go home last night?
Kelly: Six.
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Dwight Schrute: Aw man I am so mad that Pam got hurt! Ahhhh!! [kicks the volleyball into the forest] I'll get it.
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Dwight Schrute: Are you gonna discipline him or not?
Michael Scott: Oooh, discipline! Kinky!
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Dwight Schrute: Question. May I be in charge of the party planning festivities?
Michael Scott: Not necessary, the party planning committee is all over it. They've been working 24/7 all day yesterday.
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Dwight Schrute: My resolution is: [writes on board] Meet a loose woman.
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Andy Bernard: Oh. By the way, 1985 called and it wants its car back.
Dwight Schrute: Well I hope 1985 has a time machine because I drive an '87.
Andy Bernard: Oh, speaking of time machines, I just got back from the future and I went to your funeral and guess what. Nobody came.
Dwight Schrute: Speaking of funerals, why don't you go ahead and go die.
Andy Bernard: Oh, that was a really well constructed sentence. You should be an English professor at Cor-not University.
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Dwight Schrute: Bread is the paper of the food industry. You write your sandwich on it.
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Dwight Schrute: I can think like Michael. Alright, I'm deep below the ocean's surface in a submarine. A torpedo is coming right at me...No! Damn it! That's just my own imagination.
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Dwight Schrute: The furniture company gave me the name of the advertising agency. They gave me the name of the photographer. The photographer, a Spaniard, used the Wilkes Barre Modeling Agency. The agency gave me the following information: Debra Shoshlefski, 142 South Windsor Lane. Dead. Car accident. Case closed.
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