Dwight Schrute Quotes From The Office

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Kevin: [to camera] It's six to six. It's a nail biter. [gets hit by the volleyball]
Angela: Kevin! Now it's seven six or is that too much accounting for you.
Ralph: Here's an accounting question for you. What does one fiance plus one lover equal? Answer: one whore.
Dwight Schrute: Okay, knock it off Ralph.
Ralph: What! She's sitting there, casting--
Dwight Schrute: Ralph, please. [over top of Ralph] I am asking you nicely. [firmly] Leave it alone.
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Dwight Schrute: Heyy! Jimmy, what's up?
Jim Halpert: [surprised] Not much.
Dwight Schrute: Cool! Very cool. I bet if you tried, you could grow the best beard of anyone in this office!
Michael Scott: Thanks Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: That laugh is so infectious!
Michael Scott: Creepin' me out. I'm gonna go. [turns to leave]
Dwight Schrute: I didn't mean any of those things I just said.
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Michael Scott: Here's what we brought. We brought uniforms from the warehouse. I brought Silly String, Dwight brought gasoline and chunks of rubber to make stink bombs.
Dwight Schrute: Or real bombs.
Michael Scott: No, no. Not real bombs.
Dwight Schrute: Yeah come on it would be so badass.
Michael Scott: Mmm maybe. I donno. I donno. Would be badass.
Jim Halpert: No.
Dwight Schrute: Yeah! It will.
Jim Halpert: Absolutely we're not doing this.
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Pam Beesly: Angela made several 911 calls about cars going too fast in front of the building. So the police put up a radar gun. It's actually caused a bit of a traffic hazard.
Dwight Schrute: [running] AHHHHH!!!
Phylis: Wow! Thirteen! [breaking Michael's previous record of 12]
Michael Scott: No, no. There was wind.
Dwight Schrute: I was just jogging.
Michael Scott: Dwight, there was wind. I want a do-over.
Jim Halpert: No. It's not your turn. Okay, thirteen is the new number. Oscar go ahead. [Oscar is preparing to run]
Michael Scott I want another try. Here we go. [Michael starts running just as a car drives by] Thirty-one! Thirty-one!
Stanley: That was the car.
Michael Scott: I was ahead of the car. Thirty-one is my new number.
Oscar: Thirty-one is humanly impossible.
Michael Scott: Go, Oscar. Thirty-one is my new number.
Oscar: That's impossible.
Michael Scott: Beat it!
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Dwight Schrute: Where is my desk?
Jim Halpert: That is weird.
Dwight Schrute: This is not funny. This is totally unprofessional.
Jim Halpert: Okay, well you're the one who lost the desk.
Dwight Schrute: I did not lose my desk!
Jim Halpert: Okay, calm down. Where was the last place you saw it?
Dwight Schrute: Okay, who moved my desk!
Jim Halpert: I think you should retrace your steps.
Dwight Schrute: I am going to tell Michael and this entire office will be punished.
Jim Halpert: [Directing Dwight to his desk] Colder....warmer.....little warmer....there you go...ooo warmer....warmer....warmer, warmer....COLD, COLD, COLD...back up....oooo....warmer...HOT, RED HOT.
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Dwight Schrute: I know this great website where you can download song for like two cents apiece.
Pam Beesly: Really?
Dwight Schrute: Yeah, I'll write down the address for you. The only thing is, is that all the songs are in Russian.
Pam Beesly: [rolls eyes]
Dwight Schrute: Kidding.
Pam Beesly: Oh. [laughs]
Dwight Schrute: Why would they all be...Okay, see you later, Pan.
Pam Beesly: Pan?
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Dwight Schrute: I can't do this.
Michael Scott: That's because you're incapable of doing it. Because you don't know how. Because you have no skills. Dwight, there's no way I can possibly teach you what you need to know about public speaking by speech time.
Dwight Schrute: Okay.
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Kelly: Why is there a Chiclet on my cake?
Jim Halpert: That's the best part. That represents a pillow, or a television.
Dwight Schrute: Our theme, if you will,--
Jim Halpert: Because the fun part is you get to decide on an hour of television or an hour of napping.
Dwight Schrute: That's our theme!
Kelly: [smiling] Cool.
Jim Halpert: Yeah?
Kelly: I love it.
[Dwight and Jim high-five]
Dwight Schrute: Yes! Ok, so what's it gonna be Kapoor?
Kevin: Ooh! Can she pick a half hour of each?
Jim and Dwight: No.
Kevin: Oh. Then pick tv.
Meredith: Take a nap.
Kevin: Watching tv at work is really cool.
Stanley: Take a nap. Nothing good is on right now.
Creed: Bonnie Hunt is on.
Kelly: I have been watching tv all week, I choose nap.
Dwight Schrute: Ok nap it is! Everyone out! Get out! We're going to be eating cake at our desks! Go go go go go go.
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Dwight Schrute: Michael get him away from your head! He is covered in germs and bacteria!
Michael Scott: You can't get diseases from a bird!
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Dwight Schrute: [to Ryan's friend] Do you have powers?
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Dwight Schrute: Excuse me.
Tall girl: Yeah?
Dwight Schrute: How did you all find each other?
Tall girl: Uh, we're the Jersey State Varsity Basketball Team. North-East regional champs! [girls cheer]
Dwight Schrute: Amazons...
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Dwight Schrute: We'll start our own paper company. The Shrute Bernard Lapin-Vance... Stanley Paper Company.
Michael Scott: I love it. I love this idea and I fully support you. As a matter of fact I am going to give you some seed money. [throws a crumpled bill at Phyllis' head] There you go, there's some seed money for you! And you can take it, no hard feelings, but if you stay I want an apology and I want a big one.
Stanley: You want us to apologize to you?
Michael Scott: Yes I do.
Andy: That's, completely backwards.
Michael Scott: It's completely frontwards.
Phyllis: Michael you thought you were attacking corporate but we were the ones who got hurt, you should be apologizing to us.
Dwight, Andy and Stanely: That's right.
Phyllis: Michael, you always said we were a family. Then you went after us.
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