Dwight Schrute Quotes From The Office
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| Dwight Schrute: | What if the owner of Prince Family Paper has a beautiful daughter and we have to seduce her in order to get their secrets? |
| Michael Scott: | I will seduce her. |
| Dwight Schrute: | No I want to seduce her. |
| Michael Scott: | I'll seduce her. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Let me seduce her-- |
| Michael Scott: | [over Dwight] No no no no, no. I got it. |
| Dwight Schrute: | [after a beat] You'll fall in love with her. |
| Michael Scott: | Yeah? So what if I did. That would take precedence and I would expect your support. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | What was the ninth place prize again? A loaf of bread? |
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| Ryan: | They really didn't like me. |
| Dwight Schrute: | They did not. They didn't have to say it to your face. |
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| [deleted scene] | |
| Dwight Schrute: | It's good to be paranoid. People need to be more paranoid. Case in point, JFK. If I had been JFK, I would've seen all three gunmen. I would've pulled out my concealed Luger and fired first. Man in book depository, boom! Grassy knoll, boom! Fake Jakie, boom! Then is shoot myslef, so I don't change history and create a paradox, boom! But right at the last minute I twist out of the way of the bullet. Nice try, history. Better luck next year. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Listen to me close, because I'm only going to say this once. You either break off your engagement with that singing buffoon, apologize, and then date me, or you can say goodbye to this [gestures toward his groin] |
| Angela: | I think you have me confused with another person. |
| Dwight Schrute: | I said I was only going to say it once. You have until 6:14pm. [Angela starts leaving] 6:14! |
| Angela: | I heard you. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Andy, I've been meaning to ask you. Which a capella group should I join? The Harmoniacs? Or the Doh-Ray-Mee-gos? |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Don't worry Michael, I'm taking us to shore! |
| Michael Scott: | It's a fake wheel, dummy! |
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| Andy: | Michael is starting his own paper company. What do you think about THAT. [backs out of the room] |
| Dwight Schrute: | Your own paper company. |
| Michael Scott: | Can you believe it? Well. We'll see. We'll see. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Wow. |
| Michael Scott: | It's just a-- it's a nugget of an idea right now. So. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Right. |
| Michael Scott: | Potential. Lots of potential. Yes. |
| Dwight Schrute: | What a... courageous, venture... |
| Michael Scott: | It's very courageous. Very exciting. Um. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Location is hard for me, with the farm and the responsibilities-- it's so crucial-- |
| Michael Scott: | That's what I was thinking. With the farm, you getting to wherever I'm going to put my thing. |
| [short silence] | |
| Dwight Schrute: | Ok. |
| Michael Scott: | So think about it. Let's put a pin in it for now. |
| Dwight Schrute: | You know, I would love to put a pin in that. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Please? I'm always the guy you rely on at work. |
| Michael Scott: | Well this isn't about work. This is closing on a condo. It's completely personal. |
| Dwight Schrute: | So you're taking a personal day? |
| Michael Scott: | Ahem-- Except that. It's about my living arrangement, and as boss, I need to have a living arrangement in order to do work. |
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| [Michael walks into the break room where the rest of the office is] | |
| Michael Scott: | [sighs] How can he still not know? |
| Jim Halpert: | We can't figure that out. |
| Michael Scott: | I can't take it anymore. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Wait. What? You can't take what? |
| Michael Scott: | I am telling Andy. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Noo. You can't do that. It shouldn't come from you. |
| Michael Scott: | Who should it come from then. |
| Everyone: | Angela. |
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| Toby: | You're into trains? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Have been my whole life. I'm rebuilding a turn-of-the-century steam engine in my slaughter house. |
| Toby: | That's so cool! Wow I'd love to take a look at that. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Yeah it's just a run of the mill slaughter house but sure, anytime. |
| Toby: | Well, you know, because of the trains. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | This is my gym, my rules. You do exactly as I say, no questions asked. |
| Darryl: | Yeah I might ask questions and I might not do what you say. |
| Dwight Schrute: | First thing, we're gonna stretch the pelvic bowl. Ready? Get down on the floor. |
| Darryl: | Ok I'm not doing that. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Really? Too embarrassing for you? Huh? Do you wish every exercise was struttin' around the gym like the Fonz? Well how do you think the Fonz got so cool? He stretched his pelvic bowl. |
| Gabe: | I didn't know Darryl joined. |
| Darryl: | Looks that way. |
| Gabe: | [seeing Dwight] Nice pelvic bowl. Deep. |