Dwight Schrute Quotes From The Office

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Michael Scott: We will still get to use the little cups though, right?
Gabe: Little cups? Like, uh, paper or plastic or?
Michael Scott: I don't know what they're made of.
Dwight Schrute: They're two ounce paper cups dipped in plastic he goes through twenty a day.
Gabe: Ok. Well. I bet you could fit twenty little cups of water in your aluminum bottle.
Michael Scott: You know what can't fit in a bottle are the twenty little trips I take to the cooler. And the twenty little scans I do of everybody to make sure everything's running smoothy and the twenty conversations that I have with Stanley.
Stanley: That's okay.
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[Andy walks in wearing a hunter's outfit]
Andy: What do you think?
Dwight Schrute: Let me check [looks through hunting rifle scope] Ohh, nope! Clearly a hunter... who knows how to throw an outfit together.
Andy: Thank you.
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Dwight Schrute: Last time I checked, the American workday ends at 5:00 pm. You will all stay at your desks until that time or you will suffer the consequences.
Phyllis Lapin: What consequences?
Dwight Schrute: I will tell on you.
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Dwight Schrute: The furniture company gave me the name of the advertising agency. They gave me the name of the photographer. The photographer, a Spaniard, used the Wilkes Barre Modeling Agency. The agency gave me the following information: Debra Shoshlefski, 142 South Windsor Lane. Dead. Car accident. Case closed.
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Dwight Schrute: Listen up kid! I don't like you. But because some town in Switzerland says so, you have rights.
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Dwight Schrute: Michael get him away from your head! He is covered in germs and bacteria!
Michael Scott: You can't get diseases from a bird!
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Michael Scott: Any messages?
Erin: You're soaking wet.
Michael Scott: Well Jim and I got caught in a little flash... rain. Flash winds, flash lightening.
Phyllis: Wow. Sounds scary.
Michael Scott: It was. It was. And then in an instant, it wasn't!
Angela: Why isn't Jim wet?
Jim Halpert: I... outran it.
Meredith: I don't think it rained. My hip would be throbbing.
Michael Scott: It rained.
Dwight Schrute: Michael, can I get you something? A towel, some cocoa?
Michael Scott: Nothing. [pause] Cocoa.
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Toby: You're into trains?
Dwight Schrute: Have been my whole life. I'm rebuilding a turn-of-the-century steam engine in my slaughter house.
Toby: That's so cool! Wow I'd love to take a look at that.
Dwight Schrute: Yeah it's just a run of the mill slaughter house but sure, anytime.
Toby: Well, you know, because of the trains.
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Meredith: [condescendingly] You don't take my clients away and give them to a secretary. [to Jim] No offense, Jim, I think she's very pretty.
Dwight Schrute: Her face is okay, but-
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Dwight Schrute: Listen up everyone I've gone over this lineup very carefully. We cannot forget the humiliation we suffered last year at the softball game with Jim's whole spider-in-the-mitt incident.
Jim Halpert: [quietly] Well I could've died. So. I looked it up online, afterwards.
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Stanley: Michael don't listen to them.
Michael Scott: Thank you Stanley.
Stanley: You just ignore their carping.
Michael Scott: Ok.
Dwight Schrute: Michael.
Michael Scott: Yes.
Dwight Schrute: A carp is both a fish and a term for complaining. They're mocking you with wordplay.
Creed: Hey Boss. Did you "Find Nemo"?
Michael Scott: I could name Pixar movies too. Toy Story!
Oscar: Don't you mean, Coy Story?
[everyone laughs]
Phyllis: And when you fell in, did you Flounder?
Dwight Schrute: Michael, a flounder is both a kind of fish--
Michael Scott: I know what a flounder is!
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Dwight Schrute: One word, two syllables: Demarcation.
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