Dwight Schrute Quotes From The Office
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| Michael Scott: | We will still get to use the little cups though, right? |
| Gabe: | Little cups? Like, uh, paper or plastic or? |
| Michael Scott: | I don't know what they're made of. |
| Dwight Schrute: | They're two ounce paper cups dipped in plastic he goes through twenty a day. |
| Gabe: | Ok. Well. I bet you could fit twenty little cups of water in your aluminum bottle. |
| Michael Scott: | You know what can't fit in a bottle are the twenty little trips I take to the cooler. And the twenty little scans I do of everybody to make sure everything's running smoothy and the twenty conversations that I have with Stanley. |
| Stanley: | That's okay. |
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| [Andy walks in wearing a hunter's outfit] | |
| Andy: | What do you think? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Let me check [looks through hunting rifle scope] Ohh, nope! Clearly a hunter... who knows how to throw an outfit together. |
| Andy: | Thank you. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Last time I checked, the American workday ends at 5:00 pm. You will all stay at your desks until that time or you will suffer the consequences. |
| Phyllis Lapin: | What consequences? |
| Dwight Schrute: | I will tell on you. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | The furniture company gave me the name of the advertising agency. They gave me the name of the photographer. The photographer, a Spaniard, used the Wilkes Barre Modeling Agency. The agency gave me the following information: Debra Shoshlefski, 142 South Windsor Lane. Dead. Car accident. Case closed. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Listen up kid! I don't like you. But because some town in Switzerland says so, you have rights. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Michael get him away from your head! He is covered in germs and bacteria! |
| Michael Scott: | You can't get diseases from a bird! |
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| Michael Scott: | Any messages? |
| Erin: | You're soaking wet. |
| Michael Scott: | Well Jim and I got caught in a little flash... rain. Flash winds, flash lightening. |
| Phyllis: | Wow. Sounds scary. |
| Michael Scott: | It was. It was. And then in an instant, it wasn't! |
| Angela: | Why isn't Jim wet? |
| Jim Halpert: | I... outran it. |
| Meredith: | I don't think it rained. My hip would be throbbing. |
| Michael Scott: | It rained. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Michael, can I get you something? A towel, some cocoa? |
| Michael Scott: | Nothing. [pause] Cocoa. |
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| Toby: | You're into trains? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Have been my whole life. I'm rebuilding a turn-of-the-century steam engine in my slaughter house. |
| Toby: | That's so cool! Wow I'd love to take a look at that. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Yeah it's just a run of the mill slaughter house but sure, anytime. |
| Toby: | Well, you know, because of the trains. |
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| Meredith: | [condescendingly] You don't take my clients away and give them to a secretary. [to Jim] No offense, Jim, I think she's very pretty. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Her face is okay, but- |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Listen up everyone I've gone over this lineup very carefully. We cannot forget the humiliation we suffered last year at the softball game with Jim's whole spider-in-the-mitt incident. |
| Jim Halpert: | [quietly] Well I could've died. So. I looked it up online, afterwards. |
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| Stanley: | Michael don't listen to them. |
| Michael Scott: | Thank you Stanley. |
| Stanley: | You just ignore their carping. |
| Michael Scott: | Ok. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Michael. |
| Michael Scott: | Yes. |
| Dwight Schrute: | A carp is both a fish and a term for complaining. They're mocking you with wordplay. |
| Creed: | Hey Boss. Did you "Find Nemo"? |
| Michael Scott: | I could name Pixar movies too. Toy Story! |
| Oscar: | Don't you mean, Coy Story? |
| [everyone laughs] | |
| Phyllis: | And when you fell in, did you Flounder? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Michael, a flounder is both a kind of fish-- |
| Michael Scott: | I know what a flounder is! |
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| Dwight Schrute: | One word, two syllables: Demarcation. |