Dwight Schrute Quotes From The Office
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| Pam Beesly: | What do I want, what do I want... Oh! A pencil cup. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Oh no no no no. That's my pencil cup. |
| Pam Beesly: | I don't think so, I just bought it. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Uh, I think so, and you're gonna hand it over to me. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | I have been Michael's number two guy for about five years, and we make a great team. We're like one of those classic famous teams. He's like Mozart and I'm like Mozart's friend. No, I'm like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart, you're gonna get a bullet in your head, courtesy of Butch Cassidy. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | It's me! I'm the bobblehead! Yes! |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Thanks for inviting me along. |
| Michael Scott: | Oh, sure. Really didn't give it any thought-- Wait should you be going? |
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| Jim Halpert | Which is you. |
| Dwight Schrute | "Which is you" is not a sentence. |
| Jim Halpert | I disagree with. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | You know, I really would've appreciated a heads up that you were into dating mothers. I would've introduced you to mine. |
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| Dwight Schrute | [to camera] Owning a building is a war between the landlord and the tenant. Not a literal war unfortunately, but I'm using the same tactics: I've surrounded the enemy and I'm slowly starving them. To save on electricity, I've installed a timer and motion sensors on the lights. It's all a part of my "Green Intitiative". And by green, I mean money. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Michael wants us to bond so we need topics for conversation. |
| Jim Halpert: | Ponies. |
| Dwight Schrute: | No. |
| Ryan: | How about rainbows? |
| Dwight Schrute: | No. |
| Jim Halpert: | Flowers? |
| Dwight Schrute: | No. |
| Ryan: | Makeup? |
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| Dwight Schrute: | It is my idea! I'm filled with good ideas! Thousands of good of ideas. |
| Michael Scott: | You are? Good ideas, huh? Hey did you come up with Toilet Buddy? It's a net, a circular net you put inside the toilet to catch all of your change and your wallet from falling into the toilet? Formerly known as Toilet Guard? |
| Dwight Schrute: | Horse. Boat. A canoe built around a horse so you can go from riding to water travel without slowing down. Horse boat! |
| Michael Scott: | Toilet sponge. It's a hallowed-out sponge-- |
| Dwight Schrute: | Gimme a break. |
| Michael Scott: | --that is more absorbent, and softer than toilet paper. I have a lot of toilet ideas. |
| Dwight Schrute: | That's cause they're easy-- |
| Michael Scott: | They're not easy-- |
| Dwight Schrute: | ...women's urinals... |
| Michael Scott: | Everybody has to go to the bathroom! |
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| Dwight Schrute: | I don't care what Jim says. That, is not the real Ben Franklin. I am 99% sure. |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Oh hey... how's it going up there? Have you made anyt sales yet? |
| Jim Halpert: | Yeah, sold about forty thousand. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Shut up. That's impossible. |
| Jim Halpert: | Nope... I did. |
| Dwight Schrute: | Well, I did it too... |
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| Dwight Schrute: | Pam, hello. |
| Pam Beesly: | Dwight, hello. |
| Dwight Schrute: | I wanted to thank you... for helping me, when you had the title of Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager. You served the office, with great dignity. [they salute eachother] |