Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office

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Jim Halpert 'Goldenface': Oh someones coming all right. The only man who would care: Micheal Scarn. See, I'm going to lure him here. Then I'm gonna kill everybody. Then, I'm gonna dig up Scarn's dead wife and I'm gonna hump her real good. Ha ha ha ha!
Jim Halpert: I did not love the dialogue. Or the character. I took the role to impress a receptionist, who will remain nameless.
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Jim Halpert: You have what is the national sport of Icelandic paper companies-and I'm blanking on the name, could you help me out, Pam?
Pam Beesly: Jim, they refer to it as.....Flonkerton. In English, box of paper snowshoe racing.
Jim Halpert: Fair enough, but I like Flonkerton.
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Dwight Schrute: We need to DO something. I'm thinking maybe a coup or we take Ryan hostage.
Phyllis: Those sound too harsh.
Dwight Schrute: No I'm not saying we DO those things I'm saying something LIKE those things.
Jim Halpert: Of course, what is "like" a hostage.
Dwight Schrute: Excellent question.
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Michael Scott: [handing Jim a cup] Jim, check that out
Jim Halpert: What is it?
Michael Scott: That is vodka, and I mixed it with orange juice. I call it an orange vod-juice...ka.
Jim Halpert: [takes a sip] Wow that is delicious.
Michael Scott: Yeah!
Jim Halpert: I can't believe no one has thought of that.
Michael Scott: I know!
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[Dwight comes in dressed as Jim]
Pam Beesly: Hey Dwight. You look really nice today.
Dwight Schrute: Pssh. I look like an idiot. Hey Karen.
Karen: Hey, Dwight. Lookin' sharp.
Dwight Schrute: Yeah that's because I'm your boyfriend Jim Halpert. Hey Karen, wanna get together later and sexual intercourse 'cuz you're my girlfriend.
Jim Halpert: Do you?
Karen: No. I'm good, thanks.
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Michael Scott: Dwight are you peeing?
Dwight Schrute: I'm peeing in this empty can.
Jim Halpert: Oh my God.
Michael Scott: That is disgusting Dwight!
Dwight Schrute: You said we couldn't make any more stops and I really had to go!
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Ryan: [referring to Kelly] What did she say?
Jim Halpert: She said lots of things.
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Jim Halpert: Are you inviting me to the Finer Things Club?
Andy: [from across the office] Ah! Oh come on!
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Dwight Schrute: Uh, knock please. Please knock. This is an office.
Jim Halpert: [points to sign] It says 'workspace'.
Dwight Schrute: Same thing.
Jim Halpert: If it's the same thing then why'd you write 'workspace'?
Dwight Schrute: [pauses] Just knock, please. Okay? A sign of respect for a superior.
Jim Halpert: You are not my superior.
Dwight Schrute: Oh gee, then why do I have an office?
Jim Halpert: I thought it was a workspace.
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Dwight Schrute: Welcome to the Hotel Hell. Check-in time in now, check-out time is never.
Jim Halpert: Does my room have cable?
Dwight Schrute: No. And the sheets are made of fire.
Jim Halpert: Can I change rooms?
Dwight Schrute: Sorry we're all booked up. Hell convention in town.
Jim Halpert: Can I have a late check-out?
Dwight Schrute: I'll have to talk to the manager.
Jim Halpert: You're not the manager, even in your own fantasy?
Dwight Schrute: I'm the owner.. the co-owner. With Satan!
Jim Halpert: Okay, just so I understand it. In your wildest fantasy, you are in hell and you are co-running a bed and breakfast with the devil.
Dwight Schrute: But I haven't told you my salary yet.
Jim Halpert: Go.
Dwight Schrute: Eighty thousand dollars.
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Michael Scott: So? What have you been doing?
Jim Halpert: Let's see, since I saw you an hour ago?
Michael Scott: [chuckles] Yeah.
Jim Halpert: I have been getting ready and then driving over here.
Michael Scott: Well we've been doing pretty much the same thing...
Jim Halpert: Really.
Michael Scott: Except driving.
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