Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office

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Jim Halpert: There are other reasons to go to Ohio--
Pam Beesly: We're getting married today!
Jim Halpert: So it turns out it's the closest place to get a marriage license without a three day waiting period.
Pam Beesly: Tell 'em how it happened.
Jim Halpert: Ok so we're going through all the wedding plans and boy, it is complicated--
Pam Beesly: And very expensive.
Jim Halpert: Very expensive! 'Cause you say you want a small wedding and that's great, but then you have to invite--
Pam Beesly: You can't leave anyone out.
Jim Halpert: No one!
Pam Beesly: Ok just get to the good part.
Jim Halpert: Right. Oh! So this morning, we are having breakfast together... and I just looked up from my cereal and I said, "you know what I wanna do today? I wanna marry you."
Pam Beesly: I had just woken up. I didn't look cute. That's how I knew he meant it.
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Jim Halpert: Dwight tried to kiss me.
Michael Scott: What?
Jim Halpert: And I didn't tell anyone because I'm not really sure how I feel about it.
Dwight Schrute: That is not true. Redact it. Redact it!
Jim Halpert: Well, I'm not actually making a formal complaint. I just really think we should talk about it.
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Jim Halpert: I am collecting three dollars for everyone for Kelly's party.
Creed: Oh I'd like to contribute.
Jim Halpert: Oh great.
Creed: [takes out a three dollar bill and gives it to Jim]
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Roy: So Pam's happy?
Jim Halpert: Yeah, I'd say she's happy. I mean she loves her classes, loves the city, and last night she was out with her friends until like eight am.
Roy: [staring at Jim] Wow.
Jim Halpert: What?
Roy: I thought you were a friend.
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Pam Beesly: We wrote a good review. Under comments, we wrote: the natural aroma of the beets drifts into the bedrooms and makes you dream of simpler times.
Jim Halpert: The dawn goosewalk will tug at your heartstrings.
Pam Beesly: Tablemaking never seemed so possible.
Jim Halpert: You will never want to leave your room.
Pam Beesly: The architecture reminds one of a quant Tuscan beet farm.
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Jim Halpert: Truthfully, it wasn't the way he fell in, it was... how long it took him to get out.
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Jim Halpert: What'd you do, Prison Mike?
Michael Scott: I stole... and I robbed... and I kidnapped the president's son... and held him for ransom.
Jim Halpert: That is quite the rap sheet, Prison Mike.
Michael Scott: And I never got caught neither.
Jim Halpert: Well, you were in prison, but umhmm.
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Dwight Schrute: Heyy! Jimmy, what's up?
Jim Halpert: [surprised] Not much.
Dwight Schrute: Cool! Very cool. I bet if you tried, you could grow the best beard of anyone in this office!
Michael Scott: Thanks Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: That laugh is so infectious!
Michael Scott: Creepin' me out. I'm gonna go. [turns to leave]
Dwight Schrute: I didn't mean any of those things I just said.
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Michael Scott: Alright you know what? That's it. Conference room, five minutes. Women's appreciation.
Jim Halpert: Wait a second, how are you qualified for that?
Michael Scott: Oh, I donno, James, did I come from a women? Have I slept with a woman? More than one?
Dwight Schrute: Less than three.
Michael Scott: That is not current.
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Dwight Schrute: You snubbed her.
Jim Halpert: Dwight please.
Dwight Schrute: Let me handle this Jim. [aggressively] Drop the act, Cordrea. Ok? [Pam walks in behind Dwight] We all know, that you probably thought, that Pam was too, "Meh." Or "too thin without being toned." But I wanna tell you something. She is one of the plain, hearty women of Scranton that make this city great. And so what if she doesn't wear makeup! [Pam mouths "I wear makeup..."] We like her better that way! And you steal clients, don't you. Don't you! [gets in Danny's face]
Danny: That's different.
Dwight Schrute: Ohh that's different. Is it? Ok. Thief! Better check your things people--In fact where are my keys? [checks pocket] Oh. They're in my pocket. False alarm.
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Jim Halpert: I bought the boat tickets the day I saw that YouTube video. I knew we'd need a backup plan. The boat was actually plan C. The church was plan B. And plan A was marring her a long, long time ago. Pretty much the day I met her.
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Jim Halpert: [to Andy] It's so scary how right the things you say are.
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