Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office

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Jim Halpert: [dressed as Dwight] Last week I was in a drug store and I saw these glasses. Uh, four dollars. And it only cost me seven dollars to recreate the rest of the ensemble and that's a grand total of [calculates on watch] eleven dollars.
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Dwight Schrute: Question, is there fire wood on the island?
Jim Halpert: I guess.
Dwight Schrute: Then I would bring an ax, no books.<b>
Jim Halpert: It has to be a book Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: Fine, Physician's Desk Reference-
Jim Halpert: Nice, smart.
Dwight Schrute: ...hollowed out, inside-waterproof matches, iodine tablets, beet seeds, protein bars, NASA blanket and, in case I get bored, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. No, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Question, did my shoes come off in the plane crash?
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Pam Beesly: I lied about some aspects of the building.
Jim Halpert: It's still on a bike path though right?
Pam Beesly: There's no building... it doesn't exist.
Jim Halpert: What does that mean?
Pam Beesly: I needed leverage so I pulled those pictures off the internet. It's just this Office Administrator thing. I don't wanna...
Jim Halpert: What?
Pam Beesly: Fail. I don't want to fail... again.
Jim Halpert: But you didn't fail.
Pam Beesly: And that's what you said about Art School, and that's what you said about sales.
Jim Halpert: And you didn't fail those things either.
Pam Beesly: Well, I'm not an artist, and I'm not a salesman. So what would you call it?
Jim Halpert: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. [hugs]
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Mr. McGuire: Let's make it interesting, say, uh, ten bucks a hole?
Jim Halpert: Great.
Kevin: What are we talking? Skins? Acee Deucee? Bingo Bango Bongo? Sandies? Barkies? Wolf? What?
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Michael Scott: Ho! Ho! Hooo! Contraption! She's contrapting...! Ok, you know what? I think that I should drive you guys to the hospital and here is why. I am a licensed, Class C driver in the state of Pennsylvania . I, gassed up the car--actually I put diesel in this time, trying to safe some money--
Jim Halpert: You shouldn't have done that.
Michael Scott: Happy to do it!
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Pam Beesly: Angela made several 911 calls about cars going too fast in front of the building. So the police put up a radar gun. It's actually caused a bit of a traffic hazard.
Dwight Schrute: [running] AHHHHH!!!
Phylis: Wow! Thirteen! [breaking Michael's previous record of 12]
Michael Scott: No, no. There was wind.
Dwight Schrute: I was just jogging.
Michael Scott: Dwight, there was wind. I want a do-over.
Jim Halpert: No. It's not your turn. Okay, thirteen is the new number. Oscar go ahead. [Oscar is preparing to run]
Michael Scott I want another try. Here we go. [Michael starts running just as a car drives by] Thirty-one! Thirty-one!
Stanley: That was the car.
Michael Scott: I was ahead of the car. Thirty-one is my new number.
Oscar: Thirty-one is humanly impossible.
Michael Scott: Go, Oscar. Thirty-one is my new number.
Oscar: That's impossible.
Michael Scott: Beat it!
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Michael Scott: I am going to give you a little blast from the past of Michael Gary Scott when he was a child star, and a show that you might remember called 'Fundle Bundle.' Okay? Without further ado, Ryan?
Miss Trudy: [from TV] ...Bundle, are you ready to come on in? [TV children cheer] Let's have some fun!
Michael Scott: That... is Miss Trudy. Can't tell from the costume, but she had an amazing body. Okay, you can... fast forward. And... I want you... to...
Dwight Schrute: Is that a real fun shooting windmill?
Michael Scott: Stop! Stop! Stop! [Ryan resumes the tape] Yes! That is, uh, Edward R. Meow.
Jim Halpert: That's pretty funny.
Michael Scott: Yeah.
Edward R. Meow: ...Recess! Hey, what's your name?
Chet: My name's Chet.
Edward R. Meow: Well hi Chet.
Oscar: Is that Chet Montgomery?
Michael Scott: Uhh, I don't know.
Pam Beesly: That is!
Darryl: Checkin' in with Chet. Doppler's up.
Edward R. Meow: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Chet: I want to be on TV!
Dwight Schrute: [employees chuckle] And he is on TV now!
Michael Scott: Can everyone please shut up, please! So you don't miss it.
Edward R. Meow: Okay, next? So, what's your name?
Michael Scott: Oh! That's me. Shh. Shh.
Edward R. Meow: Well what's your favorite subject at school?
Young Michael Scott: Recess.
Edward R. Meow: Ree-cesss. So tell me, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Young Michael Scott: I want to be married and have a hundred kids so I can have a hundred friends, and no one can say no to being my friend.
Edward R. Meow: [jaw drops, awkward pause] Uh, ah... oh, okay! Well uh, nice talking with you, Michael. Uh, back to you Miss Trudy!
Miss Trudy: Hi everyone, it's one of my favorite times of the day.
Michael Scott: Coulda sworn there was...
Melissa: Did you get married?
Michael Scott: ...uh, no.
Abby: Why not?
Michael Scott: Uh, just never happened.
Sasha: So, do you have any kids?
Michael Scott: Uh, nope.
Jake: Do you have a girlfriend?
Michael Scott: I do okay.
Melissa: Was Chet Montgomery cool back then?
Michael Scott: Yes.
Jake: Even I have a girlfriend.
Michael Scott: Okay! Alright, okay.
Sasha: So you didn't get to be what you wanted to be.
Michael Scott: ...I guess not... you know, I have a load of work to do so I am going to grab a slice of this delish pizza... and I'm going to go do my work. Bye.
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Jim Halpert: Wow, maybe we should tell her, he's not normally like this.
Pam Beesly: Maybe it should come from a man?
Jim Halpert: Maybe it should come from a note! With flowers. Tomorrow.
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[at Jim and Dwight's desks]
Michael Scott: Well?
Dwight Schrute: Not yet.
Jim Halpert: When?
Andy: When what? [Michael clears his throat] When what?
Michael Scott: You know this can't go on.
Andy: What can't go on?
Michael Scott: We have to put an end to this. [nods Dwight and Jim into his office]
Andy: [as they're walking away] It seems like, you guys should.. be hearing what I'm saying.
[Michael's office door closes]
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Jim Halpert: Andy still doesn't know that Angela's having an affair with Dwight. And it's been seventeen days. I mean eventually, he'll figure it out. When their kids have giant heads and beet-stained teeth. But right now it's just... awkward.
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Jim Halpert: I can't say whether Dunder Mifflin paper is less flammable, sir, but I can assure you that it is certainly not more flammable.
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Jim Halpert: Hey, Dwight, send in the subs!
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