Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office

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Jim Halpert: Yeah, I'm sorry. I looked away for a second and Creed snatched your hashbrowns.
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Pam Beesly: Australia? I have always wanted to go there.
Jim Halpert: I'm going. I'm a little nervous to run into Dwight on his connecting flight to Mordor...
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Dwight Schrute: Jim, could you please inform Andy Bernard that he is being shunned?
Jim Halpert: Andy, Dwight says welcome back and he could use a hug.
Dwight Schrute: Okay, tell him that that's not true.
Jim Halpert: Dwight says that he doesn't actually know one single fact about bear attacks.
Dwight Schrute: Okay. No. Jim tell him bears can climb faster than they can run. Jim! Tell him!
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Oscar Andy, please, just stop. You can do infinite things with paper.
Andy Bernard Ah, shh shh! Did you hear that? Infinity! There is an infinity of things you can do with paper! Now, who wants to buy some paper?
[Everyone claps]
Jim Halpert Very nice... very nice sales pitch for our clients who don't know what paper is.
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Jim Halpert: Hey. Can I talk to you guys for a second?
Michael Scott: We're not hiring, Jim.
Jim Halpert: Actually I'm here for something else.
Michael Scott: Listen, I can't make you laugh right now.
Jim Halpert: You know I love a good guessing game but why don't I just tell you what I'm here for.
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Jim Halpert: I really like the paper-triangle-flicking-and-hitting-things game.
Kevin: We call it Hateball.
Jim Halpert: Why?
Kevin: Because of how much Angela hates it.
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Jim Halpert: I just spent two hours listening to Michael Clump. I have a pain in my side that I'm pretty sure is an ulcer. My girlfriend's in New York, and I haven't seen her in 10 days. How's your summer?
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Michael Scott: Jimbo. [talking outside of the Mens room) Did you see Holly's butt?
Jim Halpert: Nope, I didn't. You know why?
Michael Scott: Why?
Jim Halpert: Because most of the time, friends don't talk about other friends butts.
Michael Scott: Yeah, I know.
Jim Halpert: But what have you learned about her?
Michael Scott: I learned that she broke her left leg twice in one year. I learned that she's allergic to sesame seeds. I learned that she has read Beds and three times. And I have learned that her butt refuses to quit!
Jim Halpert: Well, I tried. [walks into bathroom, Michael follows]
Michael Scott: [from inside the bathroom] You have to agree. It's insane. Insane!
Jim Halpert: [walking out of bathroom] I'll just go later.
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Dwight Schrute [Actually in the "Fundraiser episode] [Dwight storms in office] I don't want to alarm people but there is a distinct chance that we're all about to be killed!
Jim Halpert Well as long as you don't want to alarm people.
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Jim Halpert: Alright, hey everyone, thank you for coming.
Pete: [coughs] Douche!
Jim Halpert: Aw thanks Pete that was really nice.
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Kelly: Why is there a Chiclet on my cake?
Jim Halpert: That's the best part. That represents a pillow, or a television.
Dwight Schrute: Our theme, if you will,--
Jim Halpert: Because the fun part is you get to decide on an hour of television or an hour of napping.
Dwight Schrute: That's our theme!
Kelly: [smiling] Cool.
Jim Halpert: Yeah?
Kelly: I love it.
[Dwight and Jim high-five]
Dwight Schrute: Yes! Ok, so what's it gonna be Kapoor?
Kevin: Ooh! Can she pick a half hour of each?
Jim and Dwight: No.
Kevin: Oh. Then pick tv.
Meredith: Take a nap.
Kevin: Watching tv at work is really cool.
Stanley: Take a nap. Nothing good is on right now.
Creed: Bonnie Hunt is on.
Kelly: I have been watching tv all week, I choose nap.
Dwight Schrute: Ok nap it is! Everyone out! Get out! We're going to be eating cake at our desks! Go go go go go go.
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Jim Halpert: There's this cube on the screen which bounces around all day. And sometimes, it looks like it's going right in the corner of the screen and at the last minute it hits the wall and bounces away. We are all just dying to see it go right into the corner. Pam claims that she saw it one day when she was alone in the conference room. Okay. I believe she thinks she saw it.
Pam Beesly: I saw it. I saw it and it was amazing. Who said I didn't see it? Did Jim say that I didn't see it? I saw it!
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