Michael Scott Quotes From The Office

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Assistant: You have a call from Eddie Murphy.
Ryan: Hello.
Michael Scott: Shrek! I'm a donkey! I'm a donkey Shrek!
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Michael Scott [reading] "Every time I typed my name, it said 'Diapers'."
Jim Halpert [cut to camera] Just a simple macro. You know, these actually don't sound that funny one after another. But he does deserve it, though.
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[taking post-it note from Pam]
Michael Scott: Ahh, this is a very important client. But, I have the most important client sitting right in front of me, my boss, so I will call him back--
Ryan: Oh no no no no. Customer service is obviously priority one, you can take the call.
Michael Scott: N-no. Money's not everything, Ryan, and you're my friend and I don't wanna be rude--
Ryan: Take the call friend.
Michael Scott: I refuse. No. My house my rules. I insist.
Ryan: I insist you take your work calls.
Michael Scott: Ahhhh. Ok. Alright, Pam would you put the call through?
[Pam presses some buttons]
Michael Scott: Hiya buddy.
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David Wallace: I don't know-- what do you want me to do now, Michael? What am I supposed to do now.
Michael Scott: Well David I will be honest with you. I do want the credit without any of the blame.
David Wallace: Okay. Uhhhh... I am going back to New York. [stands up] Pam do me a favor, don't send me those notes.
Pam Beesly: Ok.
David Wallace: I am gone. [leaves]
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[eating Dwight's lunch]
Michael Scott: I'm gonna have some of this meat sandwich.
Dwight Schrute: It's pony.
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Michael Scott: Everyone always wants new things. Everybody likes new inventions, new technology. People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me, the choice is easy.
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Michael Scott: Yeah. We all want money. But there is none in the budget. So. Tell me why you're really leaving.
Stanley: Money.
Michael Scott: Mo money mo problems, Stanley. You of all people should know that.
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Michael Scott: No more PDA. You win. But here's what we are gonna do. We are going to designate one of our closets as a hook up zone. Anything goes.
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Christian: We're interested in saving money.
Jan: What's the bottom line?
Michael Scott: [shouts nonsense]
[later, to the camera]
Michael Scott: That's why I wanted to come up with a code word, so I wouldn't just have to shout nonsense. That's her fault.
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Michael Scott: You may be asking yourself, 'what am i doing on a trampoline?' Well, I thought I'd bounce here for a while, relieve some stress and then move on with my day... Not! Here's the plan: Dwight is going to gather all of the office workers and all of the warehouse guys and we're going to have another safety seminar, only this time, where's Michael? Oh my God, he is on the roof! Now I have got their attention. I tell them about the cold, hard facts of depression and then I say, 'hey, you've ever seen a suicide?'. And I jump and they freak out and they get to see the dangers of depression with their own eyes. Nice side note, they might think 'hey, I should have been nicer to Michael', but that's not why I'm doing this. Then I land on the trampoline and take a couple extra bounces for fun, I climb off, walk around the corner, ta-freaking-da.
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Darryl: We do safety training every year or after an accident. We've never made it a full year. This particular time I was reaching for a supply box on the top shelf, when one office worker, who shall remain nameless, kicked the ladder out from under me and yelled...
Michael Scott: ...Hey Darryl! How's it hanging? [laughing]
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Michael Scott: I would like to introduce you to a man who needs no introduction, probably because most of you have DONE IT WITH HIM. Just kidding. He wouldn't be interested in any of you.
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