Michael Scott Quotes From The Office

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Michael Scott: You all took a life here today. You did. The life of the party.
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Old Lady: How much for the Slip 'n Slide?
Michael Scott: Get lost.
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Dwight Schrute: Michael get him away from your head! He is covered in germs and bacteria!
Michael Scott: You can't get diseases from a bird!
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Michael Scott: Am I worried that Jim and David are having a meeting without me? No. Because we are the three amigos. And once in a while, one of the amigos will go off, to the bathroom, while the other two have a secret meeting.
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Michael Scott: [phone rings during meeting] Oh, Todd Packer, terrific rep. Mind if I take it? [answers with speakerphone] Pac-Man.
Todd Packer: Hey you big queen. Is old Godzillary coming in today?
Michael Scott: I don't, uh--
Todd Packer: Look I've been meaning to ask her one question... does the carpet match the drapes?
Michael Scott: [hangs up] Oh my God. Oh that's horrifying. Horrible, horrible person.
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Michael Scott: It is an outrage. That's all. It's-- They are making a huge, huge mistake. Let's see Josh replace these people. Let's see Josh find another Stanley. You think Stanleys grow on trees? Well they don't. There is no Stanley tree. You think the world is crawling with Phyllis'? Show me that farm.
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Michael Scott: Meredith... Meredith... Mary- Mary had a little lamb. Mary... Meredith had a little lamb. Don't bring that lamb to the office or it will poop on the floor.
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Michael Scott [pouring gasoline] Hey, Pam!
Pam Beesly Hey, Michael. I just came out to see what you were doing and to maybe stop you.
Michael Scott It looks like I'm running out of gas. You know what, do you have a siphon?
Pam Beesly Gas for what?
Michael Scott I'm asking Holly a question in fire.
Pam Beesly [excited] Michael, are you proposing?
Michael Scott Yup... My hands and shoes are covered in gas. Do you think you could light this for me? [hands Pam gas can and matches]
Pam Beesly Sure... [walks away]
Michael Scott Hey! Are you going to light this or not?
Pam Beesly Michael... you had two ideas today, and one of them was great. The other was terrible.
Michael Scott I don't have time for riddles, Pam!
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[about Oscar being gay]
Michael Scott: If I don't know how to behave, it is because I am just so far the opposite the way. You know?
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Michael Scott: I was also hoping to hand the giant cheque to a rabies doctor. How's that going?
Pam Beesly: Not well. A doctor won't come out to collect a cheque for 700 dollars. Or 500 dollars if we go with the giant cheque. And also, there is no such thing as a rabies doctor.
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Michael Scott: I don't see any package. How big was it?
Todd Packer: Um... It was pretty big.
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