Random Quotes from The Office

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Dwight Schrute: Employees of this office are very small and delicate, deserve protection from local perves. Better a thousand innocent men are locked up than one guilty man roam free.
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Gabe Michael, you're making this harder than this has to be.
Michael Scott That's what she said. [leaves room]
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Dwight Schrute: I lied to Michael. I said that I would leave him alone but I will not. I will remain close by to provide unseen moral support. But I will never help him. I will let harm befall him. I will even, let him die. But I will never let him lose his dignity.
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Pam Beesly: Oh, I- I can help, starting dinner if you need it.
Jan: Oh no, no, no, it's just the Osso Bucco needs to braise for about three hours. Everything else is done!
Pam Beesly: Three hours from now or three hours from earlier, like 4 o'clock?
Jan: You know, Pam, in Spain, they often don't even start eating until midnight.
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Michael Scott: Alright you know what? That's it. Conference room, five minutes. Women's appreciation.
Jim Halpert: Wait a second, how are you qualified for that?
Michael Scott: Oh, I donno, James, did I come from a women? Have I slept with a woman? More than one?
Dwight Schrute: Less than three.
Michael Scott: That is not current.
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Oscar: Michael, are you having money problems?
Michael Scott: Monkey problems. No I'm not having monkey problems. Why would I have monkey problems.
Oscar: You heard me correctly.
Michael Scott: Ohhh I hate monkeys.
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Dwight Schrute: Who is Justice Beaver?
Jim Halpert: A crime fighting beaver.
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Michael Scott: Here's the thing. When a company screws up, best thing to do is call a press conference. Alert the media and then you control the story. Wait for them to find out, and the story controls you. That's what happened to O.J.
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Jan: No, Michael, we need an HR rep. So, uh, I think you should just bring Toby.
Michael Scott: Hey, uh, I'd rather kill myself. [talking over Jan] No, Toby is terrible. Toby is the worst human being I've ever known.
Jan: Either Toby comes with you or we don't do it.
Michael Scott: [long pause] Fiine.
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Pam Beesly: I make that one copy and I become the girl who makes copies. And by the end of the day I'm the receptionist again. And the worst part is, I like making copies. The paper comes out all warm and stuff. And it's cold in there! Because it's technically a closet.
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Dwight Schrute: I can think like Michael. Alright, I'm deep below the ocean's surface in a submarine. A torpedo is coming right at me...No! Damn it! That's just my own imagination.
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Dwight Schrute: [Holding a business card from Michael's Rolodex] And on the back, he wrote, "great salesman, better friend." [shakes his head and shows the card] Tall and beats.
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons