Random Quotes from The Office

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[Michael walks into the break room where the rest of the office is]
Michael Scott: [sighs] How can he still not know?
Jim Halpert: We can't figure that out.
Michael Scott: I can't take it anymore.
Dwight Schrute: Wait. What? You can't take what?
Michael Scott: I am telling Andy.
Dwight Schrute: Noo. You can't do that. It shouldn't come from you.
Michael Scott: Who should it come from then.
Everyone: Angela.
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Dwight Schrute: 'Don't sleep with your boss.' Do you think this is about you boning Jan?
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Stanley: 364 days... 'til the next Pretzel Day.
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Michael Scott What the hell are they talking about?
Dwight Schrute Hmm... Kevin and Gabe. Probably about the extremes of the human physique.
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Michael Scott: You know what I want this to be cutting-edge, I want it to be fast, quick cuts. You know, youthful, sort of, um, MTV on crack kind of thing.
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Oscar: Well this is what happened. Uh, Ryan's big project was the website. Which wasn't doing so well. So Ryan, to give the impression of sales, recorded them twice. Once as offices and once in the website sales, which is what we refer to in the business as misleading the shareholders. Another good term is fraud. The real crime, I think, was the beard.
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David Wallace: I'll fax over some of the things we're looking for, ok?
Michael Scott: Fax? Why don't you just send it over on a dinosaur?
David Wallace: Look, this is important, Michael.
Michael Scott: Oh. Well then email it, David.
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Michael Scott: Wet cement, outside, it's drying, fast, come on! This is a life long dream. What do I write?
Kevin: Michael you could put your initials in it.
Michael Scott: MGS? No. Some idiot named Mark Greg Splutnick will claim credit for it.
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Michael Scott: If a baby were president, there would be no taxes, there would be no war. There would be no government and... things could get terrible. And actually probably it would be a better screenplay idea than a serious suggestion.
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Michael Scott: Doctor, what is more serious, a head injury or a foot injury?
Doctor A head injury.
Michael Scott: Well, you don't have all the information. The foot has been fairly severely burned, and healed quickly, very quickly. Actually, like, suspiciously quickly.
Doctor [to Dwight] So I'm ordering a CAT scan.
Dwight Schrute: What is that?
Michael Scott: Look, since you have the machine up and running, can I just stick my foot in? We can take a look.
Doctor Well, for a burn, you really just need to look at the outside of the foot.
Michael Scott: Okay, what kind of machine is that?
Doctor Does the skin look red and swollen?
Dwight Schrute: That's what she said.
Michael Scott: That's my joke. Damn it, Dwight.
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[walking into Dwight's first gym]
Dwight Schrute: Ready? What do you think? Huh?
Darryl: Uh. No. This is not a gym. This is like a scene out of Saw 5.
Send "The Office Theme Song" Ringtone to your Cell
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Pam Beesly: Hey, how you doing?
Daryl: Been thinking about my grandmother a lot.
Pam Beesly: Yeah..
Daryl: She was about to turn 97.
Pam Beesly: At least she lived a very long and I'm sure very happy life.
Daryl: Hmm.
Pam Beesly: Got you this card. When you're ready, we all signed it. We just want you to know we're thinking about you.
Daryl: Thank you. [Now reading card] 'Congratulations Daryl, let's get wasted. Have fun today big guy. Oh yeah, party time. Whoop. Whoop.'
Pam Beesly: It's possible that some people thought it was your birthday.
Daryl: [Continues reading] ' Hooray, live it up Big D. Days like this don't come up for a long time, to celebrate. You deserve this.'
Dwight Schrute: [Blows on a noisemaker and wearing a birthday hat]
Andy: Birthday punches! [starts punching Daryl in the gut while Daryl's eyes water] 1! 2! 3! 4! 5! 6! 7! 8! 9! 10! 11! 12! 13! 14! 15! 16! 17! 18! 19! 20! 21! 22! 23! 24! 25!
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons