Random Quotes from The Office

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Michael Scott: I have my book on business, "Somehow I Manage", I have my HBO comedy special, "Here I Go Again (dot dot dot)", but you know what? When I think about it, when I really think about it, not one of those things are as real to me as my movie.
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Michael Scott: Did you ever have intercourse in this office?
[Dwight says nothing]
Oscar: Are you serious? [scoffs disgustedly] Where?
[Dwight stares at Oscar]
Oscar: [aggressively] Where?
[Dwight continues to stare]
Oscar: [now grimacing] Where Dwight?
Dwight Schrute: It seems like you already know where.
[Oscar silently covers his mouth]
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Dwight Schrute: I'm gonna live for a very long time. My grandma Schrute lived to be 101. My grandpa Manheim, he's 103. He's still puttering down in Argentina. I tried to go visit him once, but my travel visa was protested by the Shoah Foundation.
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Michael Scott: So are you in town this weekend? --I'm not. I'm not. I'm not gonna be in town. Goin' out of town.
Holly: Oh. So you can't make it to my orgy?
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[walking into Dwight's first gym]
Dwight Schrute: Ready? What do you think? Huh?
Darryl: Uh. No. This is not a gym. This is like a scene out of Saw 5.
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Jim Halpert: This came out really well. There you go. [hands Dwight his new ID]
Dwight Schrute: This is humongous, I am not a security threat. And my middle name is Kurt, not Fart.
Jim Halpert: What did I write?
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Andy: So, Tunes, you still gonna buy your old man's place?
Jim Halpert: Yeah, I am. Wait. How do you know that I didn't tell you that.
Andy: Uhhh. No, I was just walking by your desk, saw some email. [points to his eyes] I got peepers of an eagle.
Jim Halpert: That's really not cool. [Andy makes a bird noise]
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Michael Scott: "Battleship" got me through my parents' divorce. "Operation" got me through my vasectomy.
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Jan: So sorry about this God-awful carpet, we are still a work in progress here.
Michael Scott: Well that's...
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Michael Scott: Sounds like a good dentist. What's his name?
[long pause]
Dwight Schrute: ... Crentist.
Michael Scott: Your dentist's name is Crentist.
Dwight Schrute: Yeah.
Michael Scott: Haa... Sounds a lot like 'dentist.'
Dwight Schrute: Maybe that's why he became a dentist.
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Holly: [voicemail] This is Holly Flax. I can't come to the phone right now but please leave a message at the sound of the tiny truck backing up. *BEEP*
Michael Scott: Hi Holly. It's Michael. I just wanted to call and let you know that I was thinking about what you said. It's just...you know...it's weird. Today I ended up seeing a lot of the women I used to date and in my mind, they were all great. And then when I actually saw them, it was mostly a freak show. And you and me, that must've been a real train wreck. You know what? Holly, you're wrong. You are wrong. I remember every second of us. And talking to you today, I feel for them like anything I feel for you. I didn't joke with any of them. I joked with you. You were the only one who was actually happy to hear from me. And I don't know why you downgraded what we had, but I did not make us up. Ok..Oh and you might-you should talk to a doctor because you might have herpes. Bye.
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Dwight Schrute: You guys should use a hand truck.
Kevin: Do we have one?
Dwight Schrute: No.
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons