Random Quotes from The Office

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Michael Scott: Funny story. The way I got into improv was- I got into improv- oh, the story about me getting into improv was that I was walking down the street and a racecar pulls up, and the guy says, 'Hey, you're funny. You're the funniest guy I've ever seen. Or my name is not Dale Earnhardt.' [laughs] And that, was an improv. [pause] Um, the real way was that I found a flyer.
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Andy: You know, when I tore my scrot, I was, uh, I was seeing this really hot urologist about it and, I thought she was into me. But, now I think she was just doing a bunch of stuff to bill my HMO. You know. She's touching around down there it's easy to get confused.
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Jim Halpert: Have you ever seen a stripper before?
Dwight Schrute: Yes. Jennifer Garner portrayed one on Alias. It was one of her many aliases.
Jim Halpert: Yeah. Me neither.
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Dwight Schrute: Last night, I dreamed that the number two was the most valued number in the world. The vice-president had all the power, athletes fought for silver medals, women were considered the best gender, and stadiums of fans shouted, "we're number two!" As with all my dreams, I'm guessing it was about my fear of immigrants.
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Pam Beesly: [about Michael's birthday lunch for Pam's mom] Why did I get in the car? I could have struggled. I have a whistle in my purse, I didn't even blow it.
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Dwight Schrute: Do you even know anything about paper? How it's made?
Interviewee: I saw an episode on how they make paper on Sesame Street.
Dwight Schrute: Get out!
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Pam Beesly: During the course of business, a copier goes through something called normal wear and tear.
[cut to Creed depositing coins in the side of the machine]
Oscar: I think it's seventy-five cents.
Creed: That's a lot.
[cut to a Cat gnawing on the power cord]
Angela: Bandit, no! No, no, no.
[cut to Kevin spilling a whole cup of coffee on the copier glass]
Kevin: Ohh!
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Angela: This friend of mine, let's call her Noel. She missed this deadline, turning something into corporate in New York! But then this gallant gentleman, we'll call him Kurt. He drove all the way to New York and handed it in for her. Because I don't know he just really likes her a lot.
Pam Beesly: Well that's great.
Angela: Yes, it is!
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Dwight Schrute: Your heart is a wonderful thing, Michael, but it makes some terrible decisions.
Michael Scott: That's true. That's true. It has gone down the path many, many times. Jan, Ryan...
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Michael Scott: Can you tell who's gay and who's not?
Dwight Schrute: Of course.
Michael Scott: What about Oscar?
Dwight Schrute: Absolutely not.
Michael Scott: Well, he is.
Dwight Schrute: Well, he's not dressed in women's clothes, so...
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Michael Scott: If you guys insist on having your own private little love fest--
Jim Halpert: We do.
Michael Scott: --that none of us can be a part of--
Pam Beesly: You can't be apart of our relationship, Michael.
Michael Scott: --THEN, we are going to have our own private Valentine's day party.
Jim Halpert: That sounds fun.
Michael Scott: So suck it.
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Holly: It was a pretty good company but I just couldn't see a future there. They kept hiring from the outside. It was easy to get in but impossible to rise up.
Michael Scott: That's what she-- A lot of places are like that.
Holly: I think it's really good you hired Kevin.
Michael Scott: Thanks.
Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons