Oscar Quotes From The Office

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Oscar: Pam, just for the record I think you're over-reacting a little bit. Your mom's old enough to make her own decisions.
Pam Beesly: Oh, well, thanks Oscar. I was just wondering, how would you feel if Michael was sleeping with your mom.
Oscar: My mother's in a wheelchair.
Pam Beesly: Well he could still... I'm sorry about that.
[Pam starts walking away but turns around]
Pam Beesly: Oh could I just get you to sign this second page.
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Jim Halpert: If you were a real star you'd put your face in it.
Michael Scott: I love it more!
Oscar: But that doesn't seem.. safe.
Michael Scott: [to camera] IIII love it!
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Oscar: Andy I feel like a tourist in my own city! I literally can't wait to wake up every morning.
Pam Halpert: Ohkay.
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Michael Scott: Maybe we could go out for a beer sometime, and you could tell me... how you do that to another dude.
Oscar: That sounds like a great, wonderful idea. Let's do that.
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Kevin: What does a bean mean?
Pam Beesly: Why aren't there any beans on this very old, frizzy-haired picture of me?
Kevin: Michael, what does a bean mean.
Pam Beesly: Jim?
Jim Halpert: I was just trying to be unbiased.
Kevin: WHAT DOES A BEAN MEAN.
Oscar: Would someone please explain to Kevin?
Meredith: Why can't you? My time is just as valuable as yours.
Phyllis: Not according to the beans.
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Angela: I am proud to announce there is a new addition to the Martin family. She's hypoallergenic, she doesn't struggle when you try to dress her, she's a third generation show-cat, her father was in Meet the Parents. Needless to say she was very, very expensive.
Meredith: How much--
Angela: Seven thousand dollars.
Creed: For a cat? I could get you a kid for that.
Oscar: Where'd you get that kind of money?
Angela: I sold Andy's engagement ring on eBay.
Kevin: Wait-- you didn't give it back?
Angela: He wouldn't have wanted that. Her name, is Princess Lady!
Meredith: Seven grand! I gotta see that little bitch.
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Dwight Shrute: How would one of you feel, if I told you I could put you on a fast track to an executive position at this company.
Erin: Holy cow. I'd be so happy.
Dwight Shrute: I wasn't talking to you, Pale Face.
Erin: I know, I mean I'd be happy for them!
Dwight Shrute: What I'm offering is a ticket on a bullet train, straight to middle-management.
Stanley: Dwight, I know this program. "Every color is important because together we make a rainbow."
Dwight Shrute: Yes.
Stanley: I'll slap you in the face with a rainbow.
Erin: Mmm!
Dwight Shrute: Speaking of rainbows, Oscar, you are, kind of a double minority. Gay. So, we at Sabre could really benefit from your perspective.
Oscar: Dwight. We know Kelly applied. We're not going to cross her. No matter how good the program is.
Dwight Shrute: I can protect you from Kelly.
Erin: [scoffs]
Dwight Shrute: Will you get out of here? Seriously!
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Stanley: I took an extra shot of insulin in preparation for this cake today. If I don't have some cake soon I might die.
Oscar: Why don't you just have an apple?
Stanley: Why don't you mind your business.
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Michael Scott: Can I have your attention! I would like to introduce you to Mr. Danny Cordrea. He is going to be joining us, as our new Travelling Salesman. Say hello to Danny!
Kelly: F*** me.
Michael Scott: Oh. Kay. You know what? No! No. This is not some sort of construction site, for all of Italy! Where you can just go around treating people like meat. We are to respect him. I respect him, because he reminds me of somebody. Can anybody guess who that is?
Kelly: [dreamily] Josh Duhamel.
Angela: Yeah I can see that!
Michael Scott: No! No. Somebody in this office.
Kevin: He's like a better-looking Andy.
Andy: Thanks Kevin.
Michael Scott: No, me. Right? Sorta like, a little younger version of me?
Oscar: It's hard to judge ourselves accurately isn't it.
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Michael Scott: Alright, since I am the boss I will drive as well. Who wants shotgun?
Oscar: You can't be serious. You ran a woman over this morning.
Michael Scott: Everybody inside the car was fine, Stanley.
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