Oscar Quotes From The Office

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Michael Scott: Did you ever have intercourse in this office?
[Dwight says nothing]
Oscar: Are you serious? [scoffs disgustedly] Where?
[Dwight stares at Oscar]
Oscar: [aggressively] Where?
[Dwight continues to stare]
Oscar: [now grimacing] Where Dwight?
Dwight Schrute: It seems like you already know where.
[Oscar silently covers his mouth]
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Dwight Schrute: [drawing a map on the white board] Schrute farms is very easy to find. It's right in the middle of the root vegetable district. If the soil starts to get acidic, you've gone too far.
Ryan: Just give us the address. We'll look it up online.
Dwight Schrute: It's simpler this way.
Oscar: It's really not.
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Darryl: Hey man. Put together a pretty fun night for everybody. Saw you talking to Heeday. Did you hear that dude's life story? It's, amazing, right?
Oscar: I couldn't understand a word he said.
Darryl: Let me tell you something Oscar. Matt's an OK dude, but he's a dummy. You guys got nothing in common.
Oscar: You're right. I should count myself lucky.
Matt: Hey what's up?
Oscar: There he is! H-h-h-hey!
Matt: Anyone up for some hoops?
Oscar: Sure! Hoops!
Matt: Let's do it!
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Oscar: We should all make sure to give him a big tip this Christmas.
Toby: Sorry guys but I don't think I tipped him for last year's.
Angela: No neither did I.
Phyllis: Jim was supposed to collect it.
Jim Halpert: [long awkward pause] Yep.
Kevin: Way to go man.
Kelly: Now he's never gonna come.
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Oscar: I've been here nine years now all of a sudden I'm supposed to park half a mile away?
Andy: I lost a penny out of my loafers, Oscar.
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Oscar: Great. They stole my laptop.
Kevin: Yeah, well, they stole my surge protector.
Oscar: How does that even compare!
Kevin: Oscar I'm now going to be prone to surges.
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Oscar: Yes, I am super cool. I am an accountant at a failing paper supply company. In Scranton. Much like, uh, Sir Ian McKellen.
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Oscar: If there's nothing wrong with this Michael, why have you been keeping it a secret?
Michael Scott: Because I wanted you to come to me and say, wow. He is so great and I was gonna say "well it's in the genes." And I was actually going to be wearing jeans. [Dwight giggles] And I'd point to them. Right? No. Because you ruined it.
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Oscar [to camera] Robert seems great. He's very handsome. Firm handshake. He's gay. Good sense of humor.
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