Oscar Quotes From The Office

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Dwight Schrute: Excuse me. May I have your attention, please. There has been an accident on 84-West. Cars have skidded off the road into the safety railing. Several cars have flipped. There is broken glass everywhere. Several people are injured.
Pam Beesly: Do we know anyone who was in the accident?
Dwight Schrute: Brad Pitt. Also, there will be no bonuses.
Stanley: Why would this affect our bonuses?
Dwight Schrute: They are unrelated.
Kelly: Is Brad ok?
Dwight Schrute: He will never act again. Also, this branch is closing.
Oscar: What the hell's going on here?
Angela: Are we out of jobs?
Dwight Schrute: Yes.
Kelly: This is karma because of what he did to Jennifer Anniston.
Michael Scott: He was kidding. Dwight was kidding and I don't know why because it wasn't funny and was, just, horrible.
Stanley: Michael, you said we were getting bonuses.
Michael Scott: Alright, everybody in the conference room now. Let's go. Let's do it.
Stanley: [into phone] Cancel the wallpaper.
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Oscar: And just like that, as mysteriously as he arrived, he was gone.
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Michael Scott: Daddy's here and Daddy is going to take care of you.
Oscar: Please don't refer to yourself as our daddy.
Michael Scott: I am your big daddy and I am gonna kiss de booboo.
Andy: Andy is afwaid.
Michael Scott: Andy afwaid?
Andy: Yes.
Michael Scott: Are you all afwaid?
Dwight Schrute: No.
Michael Scott: Daddy here for youu. My wittle angels.
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Oscar [to camera] Robert seems great. He's very handsome. Firm handshake. He's gay. Good sense of humor.
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Andy: Let me give you a scenario. I'm at like a beach cabana, and Brad Pitt approaches. Tries to lean in and kiss me. I would definitely resist, like at first. But if he was persistent, I might give in a little bit just to see what it felt like. Would I push him away? How hard? Like, what if he's really aggressive?
Oscar: If you resisted Brad Pitt a little bit he would still.. need to get to you?
Andy: This is not real Brad Pitt, this is like, in my--this is my fantasy. Or not a fantasy it's like what I'm--it's just a scenario.
Oscar: Wow I--I wish I could help you. I don't--you might be gay, you might be gay.
[cut to talking head]
Oscar: What exactly is my responsibility here? To comfort insecure heterosexual men? That can't possibly fall to me.
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Stanley: Michael don't listen to them.
Michael Scott: Thank you Stanley.
Stanley: You just ignore their carping.
Michael Scott: Ok.
Dwight Schrute: Michael.
Michael Scott: Yes.
Dwight Schrute: A carp is both a fish and a term for complaining. They're mocking you with wordplay.
Creed: Hey Boss. Did you "Find Nemo"?
Michael Scott: I could name Pixar movies too. Toy Story!
Oscar: Don't you mean, Coy Story?
[everyone laughs]
Phyllis: And when you fell in, did you Flounder?
Dwight Schrute: Michael, a flounder is both a kind of fish--
Michael Scott: I know what a flounder is!
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Oscar: I can't believe we called her up.
Andy: [laughs] Totally. [pause] Wait- who?
Oscar: I'm talking about Angela. I can't believe we called her up last night.
Andy: We called Angela?
Oscar: You call-- you called her...
Andy: That was real!? I thought I dreamed that. Oh God!--
Oscar: Alright--
Andy: Oh God! So bad!
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Andy: Excuse me, everyone, please check your emails I just sent you the following message: Co-workers, you may have received a valentine from me. Please understand that this does not mean I like you in any way.
Phyllis: You don't even like us as friends?
Andy: Phyllis, you guys are like my closest friends. I just mean I don't like like you.
Oscar: What are we five?
Andy: [reading] Please don't read into this card. Yours in professionalism, Nard Dog.
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Quotes from  Michael Scott  Dwight Schrute  Creed Bratton  Pam  Random Quotes from All Seasons