Kevin:	[looking through Luke's groceries] Wait. Soy ice cream. Did you get real ice cream?
Pam Beesly:	Or enough for everyone?
Luke:	No man there was no list. But I got Bagel Chips.
Oscar:	Oh my favorite part of an ice cream party. Bagel Chips!

Pam Beesly:	Actually, it's kind of too bad we're not coming into work tomorrow.
Oscar:	Why?
Pam Beesly:	I bet Michael had some elaborate theme party planned like scrambled eggs Saturday.
Toby:	More like everyone get your boss laid Saturday.
	[Toby rubs Pam's knee and an awkward moment ensues]

Nate:	Got it. [taking a group photo outside]
Pam Beesly:	Okay let's go in. I'm freezing.
Michael Scott:	People, wait, wait, wait. Come back, come back. One fun one. We're gonna do a fun one.
Jim Halpert:	One Charlie's Angels. One. Let's go.
Pam Beesly:	Okay, this is just a Christmas card from your paper supplier. No one's putting this on their fridge.
Kevin:	Oh, I got it, you guys, how 'bout this. Michael, what if all the boys are on one side, all the girls are on the other. The boys are like, 'why I oughta', and the girls are like, 'let's go shopping!'.
Andy:	Let's just jump in the air!
Michael Scott:	That's it! That's a picture! Yes! Jump in the air. We're gonna jump in the air. Here we go.
Nate:	One, two, three. [everyone jumps at different times] Not everyone jumped.
Michael Scott:	Okay, everybody jump in the air this time, please. Here we go.
Nate:	One, two, three. [everyone jumps] Still some people not jumping.
Jim Halpert:	You gotta be kidding me. Who isn't jumping?
Dwight Schrute:	I'll tell you who. Darryl, Phyllis, Stanley, Angela, and Oscar.
Phyllis:	I am jumping.
Dwight Schrute:	You are?
Phyllis:	Yes, I am jumping.
Dwight Schrute:	Let me see you jump. [Phyllis barely jumps] Oh, my God. This is a store bought-camera. This isn't one of those special military-grade cameras that would be able to capture that.
Pam Beesly:	I'm freezing
Nate:	Um, also, Erin is jumping way too early. She's on the ground by 'three'.
Erin:	I didn't want to miss it.
Andy:	Well, if we all jump really high, we'll be in the air longer. Do that.
Oscar:	Here's a question nobody's asking: Is this worth it?
Michael Scott:	Don't answer that. People, listen up and listen good. We need to just get one picture where we're all in the air at the same time. Yes?
Oscar:	Why?
Michael Scott:	I believe in us. We can do this. Here we go.
Nate:	Okay, on three. Uh, everyone in the air. Three, [some people jump] two, [others jump] one, [others jump] zero. [everyone begins to yell]
	[cut to the talking head]
Michael Scott:	We didn't get it.

Kevin:	Talk to him.
Oscar:	Michael there's a very big difference between these two pizza places, both in quality of ingredients, and overall taste.

	["Bring my troops home save and sound, says this little girl..."]
Andy:	Ok, honest feedback time. Oscar?
Oscar:	It's pandering. And it makes me think you think I'm stupid.
Andy:	But do you think it could be famous? Like in a car commercial or something?
Pam Halpert:	Not really? It kinda weird, that a grown man is singing from the point of view of a little girl.
Andy:	I feel like I could see someone ice skating to it. You know like in the Olympics.
Ryan:	[scratching his head] I don't think they usually, skate to such... bad songs.
Andy:	Rude! And not helpful.
Creed:	Well I really really really really like it.
Andy:	Well that... that really bums me out.

Oscar:	So, Pam told me you do a great Stanley impression. I'd love to hear it.
Jim Halpert:	Oh, um. [imitating Stanley] Why do you keep CC'ing me on things that have nothing to do with me?
Stanley:	[coming out of the bathroom] Is that supposed to be me?
Jim Halpert:	Oh, hey Stanley. I was just doing an impression.
Stanley:	I do not think that is funny.
Pam Beasley:	He does everyone in the office.
	[Stanley leaves]
Jim and Pam:	[both imitating Stanley] I do not think that is funny.
Pam Beasley:	Jinx, buy me a Coke.
Jim Halpert:	Oh--
Pam Beasley:	No no no. No talking.

Kevin:	I wouldn't last in jail, Oscar, I'm not like you.
Oscar:	What's that supposed to mean?
Kevin:	Oh you don't know about jail? Oh you would LOVE jail.
Oscar:	Why would I love jail.
Kevin:	Because-- [thinks for a second] you would love it. [smiles at camera]

Michael Scott:	May I have your attention please! I have an announcement. Mr. Dwight Schrute and I just returned from a wonderful stroll together and although I probably will never do it again I had fun! I really had fun with my best friend, Dwight.
Oscar:	These aren't announcements.
Michael Scott:	Yes they are you just don't care about the information.

Robert California	Jim your daughter Cecilia, what does she think of the Street?
Jim Halpert	Uh... the street?
Robert California	Sesame Street.
Jim Halpert	Oh! I didn't know anybody called it--she likes it a lot. She loves Elmo.
Robert California	Elmo. God save us... the Elmo era. Sesame Street was created to reflect the environment of the children watching it. The complete self-absorption of Elmo is brilliantly reflective of our time. Our's is a cultural ghetto. Wouldn't you agree?
Jim Halpert	Yeah... she does like Elmo.
Oscar	Cultural ghetto... Totally agree.
Phyllis	Completely.
Darryl	Apt. Apt analysis, Robert.

Michael Scott:	Did you ever have intercourse in this office?
	[Dwight says nothing]
Oscar:	Are you serious? [scoffs disgustedly] Where?
	[Dwight stares at Oscar]
Oscar:	[aggressively] Where?
	[Dwight continues to stare]
Oscar:	[now grimacing] Where Dwight?
Dwight Schrute:	It seems like you already know where.
	[Oscar silently covers his mouth]

Oscar:	I've been here nine years now all of a sudden I'm supposed to park half a mile away?
Andy:	I lost a penny out of my loafers, Oscar.

Stanley:	Michael don't listen to them.
Michael Scott:	Thank you Stanley.
Stanley:	You just ignore their carping.
Michael Scott:	Ok.
Dwight Schrute:	Michael.
Michael Scott:	Yes.
Dwight Schrute:	A carp is both a fish and a term for complaining. They're mocking you with wordplay.
Creed:	Hey Boss. Did you "Find Nemo"?
Michael Scott:	I could name Pixar movies too. Toy Story!
Oscar:	Don't you mean, Coy Story?
	[everyone laughs]
Phyllis:	And when you fell in, did you Flounder?
Dwight Schrute:	Michael, a flounder is both a kind of fish--
Michael Scott:	I know what a flounder is!

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Oscar Quotes From The Office

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