Pam Quotes From The Office

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Dwight Schrute: [giving the volleyball to Pam to serve] Okay! Hey Pam how're you doing! Hey do you know if you're right-handed or left-handed. Or do you even know? What hand do you use to answer the phone.
Pam Beesly: Back off Dwight.
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Michael Scott: Drugs ruin lives people. Drugs destroy careers. Take Cheech and Chong everybody knows that Cheech and Chong are funny, but just imagine how funny they would be if they didn't smoke pot. I want everybody to take a look to their left. Now I want everybody to take a look to their right. One of those people will be dead from drug use at some point in their lives. This year more people will use cocaine than will read a book to their children.
Stanley: Where did you get these facts?
Michael Scott: Are these facts scaring you, or are they not?
Stanley: They are not.
Michael Scott: Do you think that smoking drugs is cool? Do you think that doing alcohol is cool?
Stanley: No, I don't. I have a glass of red wine with dinner about once a week. For the antioxidants.
Michael Scott: Okay, enough, enough, enough! I have written down a list of illegal drugs. Take a gander. How many of these are you familiar with?
Toby: Hookah is not an illegal drug, Michael.
Michael Scott: Yes it is.
Toby: No it's not. It's a type of pipe. You can fill it with tobacco, often mixed with fruit, or other flavors.
Michael Scott: Okay, you know what, Toby? Pam, can you take this down? [Pam throws her hands up to indicate she has no notepad] In addition to Toby's urine being tested, I would like to test his blood and his hair.
Toby: You can't do that.
Michael Scott: I can test anyone randomly, and I have chosen you randomly.
Toby: That's not random.
Michael Scott: Okay, eeny, meenie, miney, moe, is random. Okay, you know what? I'm going to need a volunteer to select one of these words and tell us of something tragic that happened in either their lives, or the lives of a loved one. [Pam lifts her hands up] Yeah, Pam.
Pam Beesly: I know that Jim has an amazing story about a relative of his who got caught up in the world of drugs.
Michael Scott: Really? [Jim shakes his head no]
Pam Beesly: Uh, hmmm.
Michael Scott: Jim it's okay. You can t... [Jim looks at Pam and shakes his head, Pam looks at him and gestures for Jim to go up and tell his story] This would be a good place to let it out, Jim. These are people you can trust. These are people who care about you. [Jim shakes his head no] It's okay, just we will not judge you. We are here to not judge you. [Jim stands up] Oh, he's doing it, okay. [Jim looks at Pam] It's okay. [Jim pretends to try, looking teary eyed, shakes his head no, mouths "I can't" and sits back down. Pam is amazed.] Oh. Okay, are you sure? [Jim shakes his head. Kevin pats his shoulder] That looked like it was going to be good. Alright. [Pam nods in admiration at Jim] Okay, well.
[cut to talking head]
Pam Beesly: Wow! He really pulled out the big guns. Fake crying. Did not expect that.
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Michael Scott: I want you listen to me, friend, and I want you to listen to me good. I am going to come at you. And I am going to come at you hard. I am going to steal all of your clients. And then I am going to kill them in front of you.
Pam Beesly: Michael!
Michael Scott: I'm just getting hardcore.
Ryan: Finally.
Michael Scott: Yes. And hear me Dwight. When I say I took you into this world, and I can take you out. [hangs up] Bill Cosby.
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[Dwight comes in dressed as Jim]
Pam Beesly: Hey Dwight. You look really nice today.
Dwight Schrute: Pssh. I look like an idiot. Hey Karen.
Karen: Hey, Dwight. Lookin' sharp.
Dwight Schrute: Yeah that's because I'm your boyfriend Jim Halpert. Hey Karen, wanna get together later and sexual intercourse 'cuz you're my girlfriend.
Jim Halpert: Do you?
Karen: No. I'm good, thanks.
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Pam Beesly: Michael? It's Jan on the phone for you.
Michael Scott: No, no, no. Hang up. Hang up. Tell her I'm not here. Don't. Don't. I ran outta gas. Hit a deer. I hit- I hit a deer with my car. Don't! I hit a cat. Tell her I hit a cat.
Pam Beesly: He'll call you back.
Michael Scott: She bought it? Ok. Ok... [walks away]
Dwight Schrute: Michael hit a deer?
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Pam Beesly: The Beets Motel.
Jim Halpert: The Beets Motel. That is- Wow.
Pam Beesly: Thank you.
Jim Halpert: Borscht Hotel.
Pam Beesly: The Embassy Beets. Radish Inn!
Jim Halpert: How are you doing this?
Pam Beesly: I donno!
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Jim Halpert: So, Dwight heard you were having a really rough day, so he generously offered to wash our car.
Pam Beesly: Aww he did that for me?
Jim Halpert: Yes. He did. You know what's nice? Night swimming in Bio Bay. Remember that older couple whose kids were also named Jim and Pam?
Pam Beesly: [laughs] Yeah... Mmmm, say more nice things.
Jim Halpert: Well, we went on a Segway tour and we're awesome at it. Yes we are. And... Franken Beans!
Pam Beesly: Maybe I'm overreacting.
Jim Halpert: Yeah. Maybe.
Pam Beesly: But I don't think I am.
Jim Halpert: You're not. Nope. Nope...
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